Not confused, just curious

[jamiedude00]

K, so I'm 21... pretty much knew I was bi or gay or whatever since i was in grade 7 (when i first started wackin off... so that made me 12 or 13 or something)... have totally anti-gay parents, so have always hidden the fact of who i am. never had a gf cause girls make me uncomfortable sexually even though i sometimes find them sexual _sometimes_...... i guess i just consider my self gay.

anyways, for the past probably 3 or 4 months i find my self almost to the point where i dont care anymore. the main reason i never have come out is because i just dont want friends mainly to look at me or treat me differently cause of it, which i fear would happen. i find my self looking at guys a lot more often than i usually would. i used to just take a glance and that was cool, now i gotta stare and can find my self being rude when i stare cuz i do it so long... i am saying things out loud a lot more now like stupid things, damn.. or hes cute/hot... and even like... what i'd love to do to him..... like id have any idea being a virgin... lol

just curious if anyone thinks that my new attitude is normal .. like im growing "up" or getting out of a stage... i mean, its hard to block things that come natural. and these new feelings are coming more natural...

 

[landers]

Yeah it's pretty normal. A lot of us reached a stage in our lives where we grew tired of hiding who we were and just said "fuck it".

Anyone who would treat you differently for being gay is not your friend, remember that.

 

[pinoy-pride]

yeah dude, that's normal, when I was still in the closet, I would also quickly glance but then find myself staring for such a long time, and I got tired of having to keep it in frm a lot of ppl that I was close with, the more u become comfortable with urself, u'll b more open about it, even now when I see a hot guy, I even tell my mom, I'm like damn mom, look at the ass on that guy, I'm not out to my dad yet so when he's around I say it in tagalog haha but yeah what ur going thru is normal

 

[KaraBulut]

anyways, for the past probably 3 or 4 months i find my self almost to the point where i dont care anymore. the main reason i never have come out is because i just dont want friends mainly to look at me or treat me differently cause of it, which i fear would happen. .

Wouldn't you prefer that they really know you instead of the straight person that you've been pretending to be?

i find my self looking at guys a lot more often than i usually would. i used to just take a glance and that was cool, now i gotta stare and can find my self being rude when i stare cuz i do it so long... i am saying things out loud a lot more now like stupid things, damn.. or hes cute/hot... and even like... what i'd love to do to him..... like id have any idea being a virgin... lol

just curious if anyone thinks that my new attitude is normal .. like im growing "up" or getting out of a stage... i mean, its hard to block things that come natural. and these new feelings are coming more natural...

The answer is "It depends".

If you have friends who are not comfortable with anyone who makes a sexual remark in public, then you shouldn't.

But if your friends are like most friends, they will comment on a hot guy or a hot girl when they see one. If you really believe that being gay is 'normal' then you are entitled to point out a hot guy when you see one, too- same as your straight friends do.

Most of the time your straight girlfriends will say, "Hell, yeah!" or "You can't have him!". Your straight guy friends will either laugh it off or they will just looked really confused because they don't have a clue.

 

[jamiedude00]

As I've grown up with the type of parents I do (not so much friends) I've based my own feelings on gay guys. I'm sure every person has (gay or not), but I don't like the company of many flamboyant guys. Not because they are 'gay' but because (maybe of my upbringing) that acting that way isn't normal and it makes me uncomfortable. Anyway, public affection isn't my thing, I actually don't like it, regardless of sexual orientation. My best buddy is straight, and always asks my opinion on girls, knows that I'm a virgin, couldn't care less, but it would just make me uncomfortable for him to know that the straight guy he's own for as long as we've known each other isn't someone he could talk to about the things he expected.

I do remember him saying when we were in school that he didn't have an issue with gays, just as long as they didn't hit on him, and he's really open minded, so I know he wouldn't care, but it's just the general public who marginalize gays, and I don't want to be part of a group that is looked down on by a lot (especially those in my own religion) and have to defend my sexuality (as if I had a choice in it).

I do know that I have a choice to pretend, or to come out. And I know that I'd go into some depression and become isolated from everyone if I did say. I want to hide it, cause I'm good at it, but at the same time, I want to have a normal life, and with the way I brought up and have known for over 20 years, being gay isn't normal..........

 

[KaraBulut]

As I've grown up with the type of parents I do (not so much friends) I've based my own feelings on gay guys. I'm sure every person has (gay or not), but I don't like the company of many flamboyant guys. Not because they are 'gay' but because (maybe of my upbringing) that acting that way isn't normal and it makes me uncomfortable.

A lot of gay men- especially when they are in the process of dealing with their own gayness- are uncomfortable with effeminate or flamboyant gay men. But understand this- those guys have more chutzpah in living their life than most people will ever have. Their effeminate behavior may seem like a stereotype and it not be the way you want to be but there's a lesson for all of us in the bravery that they exhibit in just being who they are.

but at the same time, I want to have a normal life, and with the way I brought up and have known for over 20 years, being gay isn't normal

No two people have the same path in figuring out who the hell they are. As you do that, you'll be leaving a lot of stuff behind- stuff that isn't worth dragging around with you for the rest of your life. The idea that "being gay isn't normal" is going to be one of those things that you're going to be letting go of.

If you want to have a normal life, then get on with it and start figuring out what it is you want to be instead of what it is that you don't want to be.

it would just make me uncomfortable for him to know that the straight guy he's own for as long as we've known each other isn't someone he could talk to about the things he expected.

What's wrong with the current state of this friendship is that you want him to talk to you openly and honestly but you don't trust him enough to talk to him with the same honesty.

 

[rareboy]

And I know that I'd go into some depression and become isolated from everyone if I did say. I want to hide it, cause I'm good at it, but at the same time, I want to have a normal life, and with the way I brought up and have known for over 20 years, being gay isn't normal..........

You will actually eventually be in a deep depression from not coming out. It is a physiological as well as psychological response based on fight or light response and eventually having your adrenaline levels running high all the time because of your fear that

someone

just

might

find

you

out.

You need to get some serious help with the idea that not being in the statistical majority and therefore, outside the 'norm' somehow equates with being deficient or bad. Beacuse, my friend, until you come to terms with that idea and accept that every deviation from the whitebread life you've lived to this point is equally valid, you are on a collision course with history and you're going to make a lot of other people unhappy along with yourself.