Not over him just yet

[hanshansen]

Have been thinking a lot about this kind of problem recently ... the difficulty is, your feelings/desires etc have been channeled into this one person, and suddenly they've got nowhere to go. It's a horrible feeling. I think it doesn't get easier until you feel your energies could go somewhere else. And the only way for that to happen is to continue to expose yourself to other people, go to parties etc. Another thing you can do is to do stuff that you've wanted to do and been neglecting while you were in this relationship. 'Moving on' should be a positive process, a movement towards something else, not a movement away from (what you thought was) a nice place into the void.

 

[Bruski-101]

Have you thought instead of getting over it.Try to see it in a different way ?Sometimes to look at life happinings that are for reasons unknown now.(I know that it hurts ) Iv'e beet told this too many times but it woks eventually, time helps all wounds.Take care ,you will survive.

 

[The_Revolutionary]

It sucks eh? I'm finally getting over my previous guy, its hell though, it really is. But the worst thing you can ever do is to browse through his myspace/facebook. I did all the time when we ended things and it just made me miss him more than anything else. It takes time and it never feels like it'll heal, but it does and you'll be the stronger for it.

 

[rareboy]

3.5 months isn't unusual. It is spring now though, and time to get involved with new things.

One thing I recommend.

Give your place a good housecleaning. There's something about tossing out the old and giving everything a good scrub that also cleanses the psyche and helps you realize that it is time to move beyond the comfortable pain of a broken heart.

 

[KaraBulut]

Wel guys i have posted thread about my ex boyfriend and how he broke my heart a couple of months back and i thank all of you for your great adice. Well anyways its been a total of 3 and a half months and i dont know when i will finally get over him. How does that work??

A while back a friend of mine had a bad car wreck. She was pretty bruised and beaten up by the wreck. It took her a couple of months for the pain and the bruises to go away. It look a little longer for her to get back into the driver's seat without remembering the wreck or worrying that she was going to get into another one. She did get past it- every now and then she thinks about the wreck but most days, she's too busy getting where she needs to go to give the past much thought.

It's the same with heartache and broken relationships. In time the pain part does go away. It takes little whlie for the emotional stuff to work itself out. And it takes even longer sometimes for you to be willing to put yourself out there again and take that risk of being hurt, again.

But you're never going to get over this until you get out there and make friends and start dating again. Cry when you need to. But at some point, you're going to have to stop moping about in the past- it's over and there's plenty of love out there for you to find. Go find it.

Accept. Mourn. Move on.

 

[Just_Believe18]

It takes time to heal. You may feel better some days but on others it comes back like a wave.

It's been months for me but I'm still trying to get over the injustice and betrayal. I've moved on but my psyche is still processing everything. I go to sleep at night and have nightmares reliving it all over again. I wake up hurt and melancholy. I feel powerless in how I can't control these feelings when I sleep. It's hard. It really is. Someday it will get better but all I can do is wait and keep myself busy.

 

[bran80]

This thread really hits home with me. I'm right with you guys, the feelings of hopelessness, fixating on what is in the past, the injustice, the betrayal and yes, even the longing for him, his manly scent and the feel of his lean body on me. That makes me mad then, because I feel so completely stupid for still carrying the torch for the horse's ass! I am a little more then 24 hours after the final, traumatic phone call, the one which still bounces through my head every minute of the past day or so, it seems. The insults and raised voices. The sickening sound and then the hopeless feeling when the jerk hangs up on me in mid sentence. The wave of emotion as I realize he's has hung up and that will be the last time I speak to him in this life. I know this because in the course of the conversation, he has informed me that he would call his cell phone provider and block all calls from my number, as well as get his ISP to block all incoming email from me. This is the final betrayal, being reduced to being treated as a crazed lunatic stalker, when I would not do something like that in a million years.

But then I realize that I have this forum to lean on in this dark hour and I begin to feel just a little better. To all the guys here, I just want to say thanks for your words. They do help some, even in this early dark hour of my new life without "him". I will move on and be a better, stronger man, although I have no doubts that it will be a long, rough road ahead. If I could, I would reach out and hug each one of you that are in the same boat as me right now and tell you, "We'll make it, brother".

 

[M4P]

I'm not sure you'll ever truly get over him - especially if he was your first love. What you need to do is remember all the good time and the bad ones and then find a place in your heart to store your memories. After you've done that its time to move on one step at a time

Trust me, you will get over him. It just takes time