Not ready to give in but don't know what to do...

[dirtyturtle]

My bf of almost 2 years has been acting weird with small responses and avoiding me and I knew it was because it was something bothering him. It turns out to be that he is unsure about us because everyone in his life doesn't like me and thinks that I am "poison" for him. I sat with him through alot...coming out boot camp and a lot of my own personal things and for him to allow these people to change his perception of me just boggles my mind. I'm not giving up without a fight, and I don't plan on it but i've been dealing with this since we first got together and its just wareing my down...any help guys? im at my wits end.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I suggest going with him for a long long walk and I reckon he'll open up.

 

[Georgiadude]

Sorry this is happening. Your in a very difficult position and theres no easy answer. What is it that they dont like about you? Be honest with yourself. there has to be a reason. It may be something your doing or saying that they dont like but you cant change unless you know what it is.

you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart conversation. Be open and ask him to be completely honest with you. There may be some things that you dont want to hear or that may hurt but if you want to make the relationship work you need to know what is going on. If he's not willing to do it there isn't much hope for the relationship. try not to get defensive or angry. take it as "constructive criticism". Let him know you love him and dont want to lose him but your not happy with things the way they are right now.

good luck and let us know how it goes.

Steven.

 

[dirtyturtle]

Thanks guys We had it out and it didn't end well, were on a break. What they didn't like was that I didn't have a "job" even though I do, its not an a "real" job, I send my brother and sister to school and pick them up and help my brother who has autism and help them with their homework and stuff, and when they aren't home I clean the house and do all the chorely stuff. I get paid like daycare basically. I was going to school for fashion stuff ((I know I am super gay )) but it was super expensive and I couldnt afford it. Not a good reason I know but meh. Two of his friends that are telling him that im not good for have never met me... so were on break, give each other time and figure it out

 

[KaraBulut]

...for him to allow these people to change his perception of me ...

This is a very telling sentence.

He can't change what his friends think but he can control his friend's influence.

It sounds like he has his doubts and his friend's negativity is just reinforcing his existing doubts.

 

[Seasoned]

The issue is his and he's blaming his friends. You have a job which is helping your parents and your siblings. He may be afraid that you have signed on to be their life long caregiver.

I think it's time for the talk as to your long-term goals even if they do revolve around caregiving. There would be guys that would admire that, but do brainstorm as to what would be your dream career.

A bf lets his friends know why he loves you.

 

[Georgiadude]

it's your life and your decision but I would have a very hard time being with someone that is allowing his friends to interfere with his relationship. truthfully speaking I think he is looking for a way out and is using his friends as an excuse. either that or he's a total wimp and is afraid to stand up to them. If he really cared for you he would stand up for you and tell his friends to mind their own business. unless your "job" or lack of a job affects them they need to stay out of it. Take this break and do some soul searching. Do you really want to be with someone that allows peer pressure to influence his relationship? You should be the most important person in his life and he's not treating you like it at all.

Steven.