Not sure if i'm bi, help please

[greyhorse]

Go with your feelings and try to be relaxed about it. Sure you will be concerned about your religious upbringing and its influence on your attitudes to things but your emotional feelings and thoughts will also have influence over you. Love yourself and try to be overly controlled by external influences that have negative effects on you. Just be good and nice to everyone and see where that takes you. All the best, The G

 

[neditesjamais]

I agree with greyhorse: try to remain calm and see where your life goes. The fact that you recognize that you are confused and scared--and are willing to admit it--puts you way ahead of a lot of people. Being able to put up with the ambiguity is a strong sign of maturity.

You're fine, you're not weird, and you're most definitely not alone.

 

[qget12]

I can understand how religion has shaped your views and makes you feel uncomfortable with the notion of your same sex attraction, but there are a few things you have to remember.

Very few religions (western, Christian religions anyway) are a benevolent force. They appeal to peoples fears in order to keep them in line and going to church/ mass every Sunday. Hell, they don't just appeal to peoples fears, they CREATE their fears, and then tell them why they should be afraid, and why it is a sin. Same sex attraction is just one of these things. I know the Bible says it's wrong (according to who you ask), but it also advocates it (according to who you ask). Basically, the Bible says a lot of things, that people pick up on and quote in order to push their agenda, whatever that is.

Whenever you realise this, and I don't mean realise it as in "I'm telling you it now so you must realise it", but really realise it, you'll see that your religion is basically a way of keeping you in line.

Think of it this way, If you really wanted to travel the world, experience different cultures, sights and sounds, and go to different countries, but were told by someone (who didn't really have your best interests at heart) that they weren't going to let you go for reason X/Y/Z, would you sit back down and do what they told you? Chances are you would tell them to go to hell and that you're going to do what you want to do. This should be no different.

Long story short, forget what your religion has told you. It's wrong. You're right. Homosexuality/ same sex attraction is not a sin. As long as you live your life with respect for all creatures, without going out of your way to make it difficult for them, I'm pretty sure you'll be looked favourably upon in any creators eyes.

 

[HunterM]

The Bible does say, "Love your neighbors as yourself." So there...go spread your love and respect to men and women. There is nothing wrong with you. God loves all His children.

 

[FLGG2007]

If you were born and raised in a Christian household, I guess my comment would be, "Do you think God makes mistakes?"
You are who you are. Straight, Bi or Gay. Somehow, we've let hateful pastors rule in this area. People wouldn't listen to any other part of their theology, but on the gay issue, some agree. It doesn't make sense to me.
Don't just Christianity by Christians. You'll get led astray every time.
Now, go ye into the world, and enjoy your sexuality!

 

[qget12]

I see where you all are coming from. It's just that religion is very important to me. So i in no way see myself abandoning it just for the sake of having sex with someone. Another thing is that i am not, or at least never have been, emotionally attracted to men. i don't want to seem shallow but i am basically just into their bodies. When i see myself older i picture myself married to a woman and having a family. And i don't want to really go against my religion because that is what my center/driving force in life is based on. And as of right now, i don't believe in casual hookups. while i think it would be great to be with a guy, i don't know that i ever could. i love to look but i'm not sure if i could ever follow through. I'm not sure if i'm the only one with this sort of internal conflict, but that is basically how it breaks down for me.

If religion is the driving force in your life, but serves to only make you feel inferior, or different, or a sinner, well then, maybe it's time to look at a different driving force. I know that may seem like an alien idea, and you've already stated you don't see yourself abandoning your faith, but you have to look at it rationally.
I hate to use another metaphor, but sometimes it helps to see things in a different light. You wouldn't eat a certain type of food that was making you feel ill or bad on a regular basis, even if you had ate it since you were little and it never made you sick before. Sooner or later, you would get tied of it making you ill, and you would stop eating it. I hope you see how this is related to your faith.

That would be the ideal outcome. The not so ideal outcome would be for you to continue to try and rectify aspects of your life that you are being told on a regular basis are immoral and wrong with your faith.

As far as the situational attraction to men goes. It will change. It always starts with things like "I only fantasize about dicks when they're inside a pussy" to "Well, it's not really gay if I fantasize about giving instead of taking". Sooner or later there'll come a point where you will have the urge to be with a guy, and no amount of porn or watching from afar will sate that desire. I don't mean to alarm you, but you're already "down the rabbit hole" so to speak. But you shouldn't let that scare you. Most people don't even let themselves be free enough to actually stop and think about their desires.

More people than you or I could ever know, or will ever know, have had some sort of attraction to the same sex. The majority of these people simply disregard the notion, bury it, and never let it get out of control. Then there are the few who don't immediately dismiss the idea, but eventually come to the conclusion that they are to scared, or fearful to go through with it, essentially coming to the same point as those above. The people who admit this attraction to themselves and seek to explore it in order to allow themselves to be truely who they are, are even fewer. I'll let you guess who is the happiest.

 

[bt6789]

Actually, this brings up an interesting point.....I've heard the Bible be invoked in terms of condemning homosexuality but I never understood how Sodomy was attributed to homosexuals specifically. Oral and anal sex isn't mentioned in the bible specifically---because even complaining about the act itself is just basically advertising the act itself.
For example, after the mob in Sodom came to Lot's house to demand sex with the angels, who are essentially beings of another existential plane and not human, Lot stopped them and then offered them his two daughters instead for sex. The mob accepted and took Lot's daughters out and deposited them at their doorstep the next day. The part that throws me is...the mob....being gay....took Lot's daughters....for sex?
It doesn't describe the sexual acts either. I'm assuming vaginal intercourse would be an automatic option with Lot's daughters....
Anyway, I found out that at one point a Catholic pope actually literally redefined sodomy, by edict, as an act of contraceptive sex. Anybody who have sex purely not to get pregnant was committing sodomy. The problem with that is all senior citizens are technically by that standard, sodomites. All infertile couples are sodomites, though not by purpose. Even catholics who go by the rhythm method, having sex during times of low fertility, hoping not to get pregnant, are basically sodomites by that standard. Even heterosexuals who have sex and don't actually get pregnant that instant, each time, are committing sodomy for each instance. All because some catholic pope said it be so. Not Jesus, not Moses....a pope that most people couldn't name if you prompted them.
And for good reason because apparently he wasn't significant enough to jump out in people's esteems or be worthy of remembrance.
Anyway, sodomy is essentially FORCED sex, actually. Rape is forced vaginal penetration and Sodomy by default became forced anal and/or oral penetration. I really don't see how gay people are sodomites because while two men were having consensual sex, the implication is that one man is forcing his penis into either mouth or ass, while the other simultaneously is forcing his face or ass onto his penis? They're simultaneously raping each other? Really? And why is the exact same act between man and woman not sodomy? Is it because an unicorn is sprinkling glittery magic all over them while they're doing it?
And the thing that throws me is even anti-Catholic protestants who spurn everything Catholic clings to an standard that was originated by an Catholic pope that doesn't really stand up to its definitive scrutiny. Even Catholics aren't likely to botch that concept....

 

[spunk-junky]

You are rationalizing your attraction to men. We've probably all done this, particularly when we started coming out to ourselves. I thought and felt the exact same way. I always pictured myself marrying a woman and having kids, yet there was this attraction to men. What to do with that? I was very confused. I shared my confusion with my best friend and she gave me great advice. She told me, "go collect some data." I'd already tried dating women and it never felt right. The first time I kissed a guy, I knew with absolute certainty that I was gay. I finally felt the fireworks that I should have felt when being intimate with a woman. You say you've never been in a relationship with a woman or man. Then you need to collect some data: go on dates, get some experience with women AND men. Only then will you be able to put a label on yourself--if this is necessary for you.

 

[Rex]

If you have to come to a gay porn site to ask people .... more than likely you are.

 

[HunterM]

I say wait before you tell. You need time to figure it out yourself. Meanwhile, you have JUB here for support.

 

[hotcockalex]

First of all, if you're bi, you're bi. No choice can change that. You can't decide whether or not you ARE, and it sounds like you ARE.

Second, there is no out. Your religion doesn't care if you're a little gay or a lot of gay- according to your religion, you're already a sinner just for thinking about it. So you're already the bad guy in your religion.

I think you need to think about independence now. Clearly you're into both guys and girls. Ask yourself who that is hurting. Ask YOURSELF, not your religion. Maybe it's time to start thinking about ditching your religion and your old beliefs. I know that's not easy at all, and I've heard of people requiring years of therapy in these situations, but it's time to make a choice.

There's nothing wrong with you. NOTHING. You aren't a sinner, you're still a child of God. As long as you're loving consenting adults, who is it hurting? Why is loving someone else bad?

I agree with this, amen!