Not sure what to do...

[DBSKIsMine]

So I rarely post on this section simply because I don't feel like I have anything to post about here.

Just a little bit of background on me. I'm in my senior year of college and I graduate in December. Right now I live in Michigan, but in January I'm going to be moving to Florida for career reasons. Because of this, I had kind of had the mentality of "Hey, I'm single, and it'd be asking too much of anyone I meet to just pack up and make that move with me. I might as well just have as much fun as I can and start seriously looking after I move."

With that in mind I've been having a lot of random meaningless sex, which is fun in its own way, but I wasn't taking the prospects of anything with potential coming up very seriously. In fact, on the contrary, I'd made a promise to myself that I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I'd be interested in someone while all these time constraints that are on me are still in place.

Yeah, I stuck to my guns on that one.

Ok, so before I continue on this I need to make one thing PERFECTLY clear: I UNDERSTAND the stigma about dating sites. I get that. I'm not exactly proud of the fact that I even have to take that route, but it seems to me to be one of the few ways at the moment to at least meet someone who isn't interested in getting in my pants within the first 10 minutes and is capable of talking about something other than themselves. I know it's not the best way to meet guys, and I know all the horror stories surrounding them. So before you reply with anything of that nature PLEASE know that I've already taken all of that into consideration in terms of any sort of skepticism.

Anyway, I have a profile on OKCupid. It's free and I figure it can't hurt if it's free right? I was bored one night and was browsing through some of the online profiles just to see if anything piqued my interest. I found one that belonged to this guy that was 21 and lived in Chicago. He seemed pretty interesting, so I sent a wink. I figured whether he responded or not what would be the harm. Well not long after that we were messaging back and forth and that evolved to talking on AIM.

It turned out we had a lot in common. One of the most profound things was that I have a HUGE passion for anything Disney, especially their parks. And he did too. And until that point I'd never met anyone (that was gay or even male) whose interest in that matched my own. We spent HOURS just going back and forth about that topic. This continued for a few days, and in between I kept discovering more and more things we had in common be it movies, music, reading, gaming, outdoor activities...pretty much anything you could name we were in perfect agreement on. It was almost scary to a certain extent.

Now, generally when I'm on AIM I can be a little bit aloof. I'm usually working on homework or surfing the web or something when I'm on AIM, and it can be a little difficult to keep a conversation going sometimes because of it. So this past Tuesday I asked him if he had Skype so we could continue talking without me having to continually stop working on a report I was doing in order to respond to him. He did, and we started video chatting on there.

While I was working on my report it was mostly small talk but once I finished it was about 10:30 and we started getting into deep discussions. Talking about our hobbies, laughing about guys we've dealt with in the past (and some of our situations were oddly similar) and just talking about random stuff. It eventually delved into talking about if either of us felt a connection to the other. And we were in agreement that something was definitely there and, at least in my case, was something that I've never felt before and I've been in multiple relationships in the past. I can honestly say I've never felt such a resonating connection with someone before, to the point where I know I can relate to them and vice-versa and they can understand me and who I am as a person.

We finally stopped talking at about 4:30 in the morning (and only because I had to get some sleep because I had an 8 a.m. class), but with him making a statement that he couldn't believe we had covered so much ground in such a relatively short time. I was stunned as well, to be sure. We both decided we just needed a day or so to kind of let it all sink in before we continued talking about it.

Over the next 2 days I was just so preoccupied with everything we'd talk about I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I was angry at myself because I didn't want to put myself in a position like this at this point in my life, but at the same time another part of me was practically screaming that I had to grab a hold onto this and not let go. I'm the first person to admit there have been so many opportunities in my life that I've had when it came to potential guys that I never took. And I've always regretted it, wondering "what if I had acted differently" if my life would be where it is right now. And that same part of me that was screaming that I needed to go with this was also telling me if I didn't I was going to regret it quite a bit.

We skyped again last night for just 2 hours because I was busy working on something and he was watching a movie so we couldn't talk until about 1 in the morning. I made it perfectly clear to him how I felt about the connection and that, obviously since he lived in Chicago, I could tolerate skyping for a time, but eventually I would need to at least go visit and hang out for a day or two to really decide if this was something that I could see going somewhere.

I felt bad because it honestly seemed to me like I was doing the most of the talking, that I was being to forward, coming on too strong, and every other self-hating emotion you can think of because I have a tendency to second-guess myself. He is self-admittedly shy and a little bit wishy-washy on serious issues or things such as this, and he basically said that while part of him felt the same way, he isn't super experienced in dating and where it usually takes him time to come to conclusions on things like this, he felt like he's covered basically everything he would need to cover in order to make that conclusion. Because of that his mind is just freaking out because it's like it came out of nowhere.

It obviously wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I told him that I'm very patient and I totally understand his situation on this, because it's really fast and unexpected for me too, but that's why I find it so intriguing because it ISN'T like something I've gone through before. He just wanted some time to think and wasn't opposed to the idea of me coming to Chicago but didn't want me to come like, TOMORROW. Maybe in a week or two when he thinks he's more comfortable with the idea.

Long story short, I've got a pretty tall list of criteria in my mind for what I look for when I initially meet a guy. Note that I say "initially meet" not for what I'm looking for in a potential partner. I need to be able to see that this is a person I can talk to, enjoy interacting with, etc. This list of criteria has been exceeded in every aspect by this guy, and it's driving me crazy. I know I said I'd wait but I'm utilizing every ounce of self control I have to not do something incredibly rash and just blow this.

So, my question is this: is this even worth pursuing? Am I putting myself through literally sheer torture for nothing? Should I wait it out and see where it goes? I'm just so lost right now I don't even know what to think and could really use some advice on this.

I know this is something I want, but at the same time, it seems like it couldn't have come at a worse time.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>One of the most profound things was that I have a HUGE passion for anything Disney, especially their parks. And he did too. And until that point I'd never met anyone (that was gay or even male) whose interest in that matched my own.

Seriously? Even though both parks have gay days? I mean, I've been to both US parks countless times, and gone on four Disney cruises (soon to be five), and there's never any shortage of gays there...

Back to you.

Should you pursue this? I'd say yes. You like the guy. You like the way things are going. So go see him. Have fun. Maybe things will work out, and maybe they won't. If you end up having just three months together, have three of the best possible months together.

Lex

 

[DBSKIsMine]

>>>One of the most profound things was that I have a HUGE passion for anything Disney, especially their parks. And he did too. And until that point I'd never met anyone (that was gay or even male) whose interest in that matched my own.

Seriously? Even though both parks have gay days? I mean, I've been to both US parks countless times, and gone on four Disney cruises (soon to be five), and there's never any shortage of gays there...

I know, and I work for them so I hardly have an excuse, but in all fairness gay days is usually in June and I've never actually worked there during the summer period. Not to mention I've never really felt like I belong within the gay scene. Going to things like that I always feel awkward and out of place, or like I'm trying to celebrate something I don't really feel makes me significantly different.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Not to mention I've never really felt like I belong within the gay scene. Going to things like that I always feel awkward and out of place, or like I'm trying to celebrate something I don't really feel makes me significantly different.

Allow me to threadjack briefly.

I was hired once to work an amine convention. I AM quite a cartoon fan, but I've never been that much into anime. I like it OK, I guess, but I'm no otaku. So I was a bit worried about how out of place I was going to be.

Not at all, as it turns out. I spent much of the time chatting with attendees. About almost anything BUT anime. I wore my Samurai Pizza Cats t-shirt to the event (it was the closest thing I had to anime), and a couple people asked me about that. But other than that, we chatted about music, our jobs, generic TV, the weather, what to do in town, everything.

It's easy to think that when you get a group together of anything in common - be it gays, Democrats, professional bowlers, or furries - that all conversation is going to be about that. And I've often found that simply not to be the case. Most people seem to simply take it as an excuse to get together, get social with other people, and have a good time. Having some commonalities does help when conversation lags - "Are you partnered?", "Did you go to PrideFest this year?" - but like most conversations, it tends to wander from the original jumping-off point fairly quickly. I went to a JUB meet during gaydays at Disneyland last year, and it ain't like we discussed the website much (if at all).

Don't be too concerned (or feel awkward) about going to some "gay event". You'd be surprised how "non-gay" they often are.

Lex

 

[spencer]

My question is how is it that you can meaningless sex and the first guy you meet that you have something in common with you lose all control of not being clingy?

Just put yourself in his position and don't be a creeper.

 

[cardshark]

Why not take a trip to Chicago? You could probably use a mini-vacation away anyway. Did you know the train from Ann Arbor/Detroit to Chicago is only $29 each way (add $12 for business class)?! Find a cheap hotel (or whatever is in your budget) and you can meet him NO PRESSURE for lunch or dinner while you are there. See if there is chemistry in person.

 

[DBSKIsMine]

My question is how is it that you can meaningless sex and the first guy you meet that you have something in common with you lose all control of not being clingy?

Just put yourself in his position and don't be a creeper.

Because I didn't contact him with the intent of having meaningless sex with him. I don't use OkCupid for hookups, I have other resources for that.

I wasn't expecting a hookup nor was I expecting a deep connection. I also never strive to to get to know my hookups because then it becomes more than just that.

So considering I contacted him with different expectations, I'm a bit confused as to why you seem to think I'm all of a sudden 'clingy'.

 

[KingofFaeries]

DBS my advice is to enjoy it while you can. You've got 3 months at least with him being easily within travel distance.... well relatively easy... Point is you don't really know what his situation is right now. Maybe in 3 months he'll want to go to Florida with you, maybe he won't but will visit you on weekends and skype on weekdays, maybe after a few months of that he'll want to move with you.

Assuming that distance would kill any relationship that you became involved in is silly. Many people all over the world date people that live several thousand miles away, and they are happy, they see each other in person occasionally and some of my friends are making plans to move in together.

Point is, whether he goes with you or not, whether yall even last 3 months or not, you're never going to know what could have happened if you don't pursue it.

Oh p.s. as for his wishy washiness and the time to absorb the information, don't worry so much about it. I'm a lil weird in the head, and when I get that much information about someone in a 6 hour period it takes some time to adjust the information in my head.