Not sure what to think.

[caringisafunnything]

My friend Chris and I are 18 (seniors in high school). I'm not sure what to think about him anymore.
I became friends with him in June. Both of us started hanging out with each other a lot and we grew closer. I always had a secret crush on him since my junior year. But I knew things would never happen, I assumed he was straight.

One night in August I was doing my homework. I received a text from him asking, "would u spit or swallow?". We never had a conversation like this before, so I was shocked. I replied with, "I would do whatever the guy preferred.". From then on those texts went on & on asking if I would ever have sex with a guy, give a blow job, do anal, and so forth. I told him yes to all of those because I was open-minded. He didn't know that I am actually gay. The two of us flirted via text and sent nude photos. He said things to me such as "Wow u r such a good sex partner". Things like that made me feel like a guy actually cared about me. In September he had the idea of us experimenting sexually. We were really good friends at the time, so I thought nothing would go wrong. We planned everything out, where we would do it, and how. But unfortunately I became sick the day before (strep throat), which caused our plans to go down the drain.

Chris never showed interest in experimenting after that. I always wanted to know an explanation, but he could never provide one. I was thrilled with the opportunity of having sex with him (due to the fact he was my crush) but him suddenly losing interest confused me. One night I confronted him. Chris told me that he'd prefer having a threesome with me, him, and an openly gay guy at our school. My heart was crushed. That conversation made me feel like a wasn't good enough for him at all.

We kind of decided not to try experimenting anymore. But now in December, he told me something that shocked me. "i was going to let u give me a hj as a xmas present but I chickened out". That excited me...doing that would be fun, right? Well we never got to doing that. The other night I asked if he would like to spend the night at my house & watch porn (as friends). He seemed against the idea. Three days ago Chris preferred that we buy condoms and experiment sexually at his home one night. Now he doesn't seem interested at all.

I want to have sex with him...However he is my best friend. We have sort of a 'telepathy', so many things in common, and share beliefs. I'm just tired of being led on by a friend. Especially a friend I have a big crush on.

I feel like Taylor Swift's song 'You Belong With Me' describes my life perfectly. I know sooo many things about him & the same can be said for him. I'm there for Chris when he needs me. Vice versa. Maybe I want to have sex with him...just because after that we could become boyfriends. I don't know.

I understand this may sound pathetic. But I need your help.

 

[Lube]

You're not pathetic. He is.

3 strikes and you're out. I couldn't deal with all those broken promises

. But if you don't mind being strung along, he'll probably give in eventually.

 

[batman7457]

Act disinterested and/or show some interest in another guy and see what happens...

 

[hotb0d]

are you sure he's your friend? What he's been doing to you is pretty shitty. He has you around his fingers and he thinks he can toy with you however he likes.

You're still in high school and trust me, you don't know the meaning of 'best friend' yet. I'd advise you to just stay strictly friend with him. But who am I kidding, you're probably can't deny your passion for him right now and will continue to have a crush on him no matter what advices I or other Jub members give you. So then, I think you should be straight forward with him and tell him what you want. Don't let him be in control of the situation.

AS Russel Peters would say: BE A MAN!

 

[spencer]

Definately pull back. Continue to talk about it when he brings it up but then end the conversation by ribbing him and say but you never follow through anyway so whatever. If he becomes jokingly offended call him out on it. What? If I had a dollar for every time... you can even call him chicken shit.

finally ask him why he continues to bring it up if he doesnt mean it. call him out on it. But only bring it up when he does.

it sounds like he wants to bu is too afraid. just make it secondary in your life. you make it a big focus and youll set yourself for disappointment.

 

[jaysizzles]

You said he "chickened out" about the hj...seems like that's what he's been doing all along....chickening out. I don't know if he's previously been sexually active...doesn't seem like it...at least with guys anyway. Is he even bi or gay? (you said you though he was straight.) I'm guessing he's just not ready to have sex with you...for whatever reason...he's confused. Perhaps he's curious, maybe just horny, maybe he thinks that everyone else is doing "it"...that he should be too...trying to muster up the courage to finally go through with it...idk...but I don't sense he is intentionally "leading you on."

I'd be patient with him...let him know that you are friends and will remain that way, that you are open to the idea of fooling around with him and maybe more...but that you don't want to pressure him into doing anything he's not ready or willing to do. Until he decides to take it to the next level...just be good friends...hang out, go to the movies, etc. It may eventually lead to more...or might not. Prepare yourself for either outcome.

 

[caringisafunnything]

Thank you so much guys.

Here is some more background information:
1) We are both gay (in the closet)
2) We are both virgins
3) He has tried pressuring me into the idea of a threesome (because that's his main fantasy)

It makes no sense. :/

 

[Lube]

He's afraid. Terribly afraid.

So he tries to act macho.

The last thing either one of you need is a threesome! (There's nothing wrong with them, but I don't think they make a lot of sense as a first-time sexual experience)

How is he going to have the balls to do a 3-some if he can't even handle a hand job?

You need to take control of the situation. Forget talking about it. The next time you guys are alone and you're feeling frisky, just do it! Start giving him a hj or bj. Whatever you do, don't talk about it or explain what you're doing. That will totally freak him out. Just do it and enjoy it. He'll enjoy it and hopefully be able to deal with it.

Or just ignore him and move on to someone who doesn't have so many hangups.

 

[jaysizzles]

Thank you so much guys.

Here is some more background information:
1) We are both gay (in the closet)
2) We are both virgins
3) He has tried pressuring me into the idea of a threesome (because that's his main fantasy)

It makes no sense. :/

I agree...doesn't make much sense to me either. Sounds like an excuse.

Do you want to have your 1st time be a 3some? Do you even have a 3rd person available that would be willing to join in?

I'm going out on a limb here...but I wonder if the idea of having a 3some instead of just the 2 of you appeals to him because with 3 people there is more of an emotional detachment to the sex act as opposed to just the 2 of you emotions/feelings could enter into the mix.

Idk...I still think he's full of excuses because if he really wanted to have sex...he'd do it since you are obviously ready and willing now.

good luck with him...

 

[caringisafunnything]

I agree...doesn't make much sense to me either. Sounds like an excuse.

Do you want to have your 1st time be a 3some? Do you even have a 3rd person available that would be willing to join in?

I'm going out on a limb here...but I wonder if the idea of having a 3some instead of just the 2 of you appeals to him because with 3 people there is more of an emotional detachment to the sex act as opposed to just the 2 of you emotions/feelings could enter into the mix.

Idk...I still think he's full of excuses because if he really wanted to have sex...he'd do it since you are obviously ready and willing now.

good luck with him...

There is somebody else. He is a year younger and is openly gay. But I'm not attracted to him at all. The biggest turn off is that he has had sex with prostitutes. He admitted to me that he is afraid of having an STD....the guy has never been tested. I'm not going to risk getting a possibly STD from a fling I have no interest in.

One of the things I'm afraid of is falling deeper into love with my best friend if we have sex. I admitted to him in October that I had a crush on him. Chris told me, "Ur such a good friend & I don't want to jeopardize our friendship". So yeah.

Anyways, you guys are helping out a lot so far.

 

[Lube]

Well you're a very smart man for avoiding a promiscuous person who hasn't been tested.

 

[G-Lexington]

You want to know what's going on? He's eighteen-years-old is what's going on. Even now, I can flip between horny-as-fuck experimenter to prudish adult and back again within minutes. When I was younger, I did it quicker, and much more often. I know I would get uber-excited about doing something with somebody, and start vaguely nudging in that direction. And then, when things didn't happen precisely the way I expected/hoped/feared, I'd clam up and withdraw and think "stupid! stupid! stupid!" and promise myself I wouldn't go over that line ever again. And then I'd get horny, and I'd want to do it all over again. This wasn't me playing mind games. This was me not knowing what the fuck I wanted, and not knowing what the fuck I was doing.

I can next-to-guarantee that that's what's going on here. Your friend isn't at home laughing to himself that he got you hot and bothered. He's getting horny, thinking about doing stuff with you, making some clumsy moves...and then second-guessing himself, thinking he's screwing everything up, and promising not to do it again.

I'm gonna suggest something I suggest to older guys, and THEY often have trouble following through with it. So I won't be hurt if you decide it's too much.

Talk to him.
In his presence.
Straight out.

Don't hint. Don't try to slowly steer the conversation in that vague direction. Don't try to feel him out. Just talk to him. Lay your cards down. Say you really like him as a friend, and you're worried about jeopardizing that. Say you're aware that sometimes you'd like nothing more than to get physical with him, and other times you think that's not a good idea. Then make your move. "I'd given it a lot of thought, and I think I WOULD like to get physical with you. I think I'm at a place where it won't mess up our friendship. What do YOU think? Is it something YOU'd like to try, and do YOU think you can keep your head at the right place?"

Lex