Not sure what to think

[aliasfan]

I'm 23, and came out about a year and a half ago. I'm fairly comfortable with the dating scene, but I have been burned before and I've become quite jaded. Which I think may be affecting my new relationships.

So. I met this guy off grindr. We spoke for a few months, and eventually organised to meet up as "friends". We did, and it was great. There was some shyness and nerves, but overall it was good. We saw a few musicals and movies in Decemeber, and we hung out a bit in January. I've met his friends, he's met some of mine. We seem to get along great. We've even mutually agreed that these have been "dates".

I am attracted to him, and have told him as such. His replies have been non-committal; such as "I don't feel the same way yet" and "I'm afraid it'll be problematic if I dont like you back". We havent kissed yet, or anything. But I have slept in his bed twice, with him knowing full-well I have feelings.

Am I being strung along? Should I just try to kiss him, and take the chance? Is there a rare breed of guy that takes a month to decide whether they are attracted to someone?

 

[Rolyo85]

Some guys are really uncertain about these things. It can get seriously frustrating, but if it is hurtful to you, you should just tell him to his face that the situation is not ok with you, and that if he isn't interested, he shouldn't be keeping his options open and should just let you go.

 

[aliasfan]

I just want to to know whether its simply him being nice, not wanting to hurt my feelings by coming out and taking a stand that its not going to happen. Or whether he honestly hasnt decided yet.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's been a few months. He considers you a friend and not more. It's time to find someone else to date.

 

[aliasfan]

It's been a few months. He considers you a friend and not more. It's time to find someone else to date.

That said, we had dinner tonight with a mixture of his and my friends. It went quite well, everyone got along, to the point where his friend was talking about how much we have in common, and organising dates for us in the future.

There was definantly some flirting tonight, and my friend even picked up on it. Like cutesy crap; he bought me an icecream, coy smiles, a bit of playful arm touching. Perhaps he's just unsure. And he did kind of ask me 'out' again this week. I've just never been in a situation where it's progressed so slowly.

Should I attempt a goodnight kiss, or something along those lines when I see him next?

 

[ezwriter]

That said, we had dinner tonight with a mixture of his and my friends. It went quite well, everyone got along, to the point where his friend was talking about how much we have in common, and organising dates for us in the future.

There was definantly some flirting tonight, and my friend even picked up on it. Like cutesy crap; he bought me an icecream, coy smiles, a bit of playful arm touching. Perhaps he's just unsure. And he did kind of ask me 'out' again this week. I've just never been in a situation where it's progressed so slowly.

Should I attempt a goodnight kiss, or something along those lines when I see him next?

Sure. What's the worst that could happen?

He rejects you. Big whoop. You'll have a funny, awkward story to laugh about later on, when you've been friends for years, plus you'll know once and for all where you stand.

 

[KaraBulut]

Should I attempt a goodnight kiss, or something along those lines when I see him next?

Well, after all this flirting and arm touching, are you any clearer on where you stand with this guy?

There's two problems with situations like these;

1. The time you waste on guys who lead you on and then never put out and never make a commitment is time that you could be spending with an adult who is honest, doesn't lead you on, doesn't play games and is able to return your feelings.
2. These situations where it seems like tomorrow it's going to be different or on the next date you're going to make progress just seems like this:

 

[aliasfan]

Well, after all this flirting and arm touching, are you any clearer on where you stand with this guy?

I feel that he's showing more interest as time progresses. He knows how I feel, there isnt much else I can do I suppose.

I'm just not willing to let go yet, if theres a possibility that something could come from it. I know that makes me pathetic, but I fall too quick and dont let things run their course. I could miss out on something good.

 

[Seasoned]

At this pace at least prepare yourself for the news that he's met someone he's actually dating. I wouldn't stagnate while waiting for him if I were you.

 

[subsonic]

I must agree with the majority!
As I've mentioned in another post - if a guy really likes you he'll definitely show you. And yes of course he could be a guy who's having a hard time finding out what he feels etc., but it seems like you guys have been on quite a couple of "dates" by now - he should know: either he likes you or he doesn't. If this continues you might consider the fact that he just likes the company for the company's sake. The flirting during the dinner with friends could - I'm very sorry to say this - very well be just out of pure pressure, or something like that. I don't know..
If it were me I would cut the ties and move on. It's a waste of your time really. And if he wants you he'll come running back.

 

[orton86]

Wow this sounds like my story, but you're writing it instead. I went through the same scenario. I met his friends, and he met mine. We were always hanging out and all. One day I couldn't do it anymore, and told him how I really felt. He never flat out told me he didn't feel the same. I hated how he just kept pulling me along with his games. I hope things are different with you, but it just doesn't sound like it. Sorry

 

[aliasfan]

All this said, and as you all have probably experienced, letting go is harder than it sounds. I understand that I shouldn't have to wait around, and I already hate myself for being the kind of guy that does. But until I hear the words no one wants to hear - "I just want to be friends" - I'm going to continue pursuing him.

We have another 'date' tomorrow. I'm going to see how it goes, flat out say I'm not entirely sure I can be content with just being friends, and try and kiss him. The worst that can happen is he shuts me down, I try not to cry in front of him and hibernate for a month.