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Not sure

singlesax03

singlesax03

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I'm a 23 year old divorced guy who has finnally accepted that he is gay. I'm not sure what to do next! I've hooked up with guys during my "curious" phase now i want a boyfriend and i'm really clueless on how to go about it. any :help:
 
Well, are you out? I would start by coming out. Yes, it's possible to find a boyfriend while closeted, but coming out makes it easier.
 
I've came out with a close friend(staight) and am trying to find the right time for my other friends. Not ready to face the family yet.
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

In addition to coming out - or working on coming out - you'll probably want to start expanding your social circle a bit. Do you have any gay friends? If not, it's probably time to get a couple. Not necessarily because you can jump into bed with them (although you can), but that'll give you somebody to talk to about the whole "being gay" thing.

Where do you get gay friends? Where they are. Is there a "gay section" of town where you live? Swing by the shops, and strike up some conversations. Grab a couple of the freebie gay publications, and check the "what's going on" listings - many gay groups have "getting to know you" meetings, and offer support towards people just coming out.

Lex
 
I do have 1 gay friend but i'm finding it harder to come out to him than anyone else! I guess o'm afraid he'll get mad for not telling him earlier(he's asked me if i was gay like 3 times) As for town there is no gay spots its all internet hookups and connectios as far as i can tell.
 
singlesax03 said:
I'm a 23 year old divorced guy who has finnally accepted that he is gay. I'm not sure what to do next! I've hooked up with guys during my "curious" phase now i want a boyfriend and i'm really clueless on how to go about it. any :help:
Click to expand...

Advertise.

The world is full of gay guys looking for someone like you.

Boyfriends are easy to find. Keeping one... well, sometimes that's a little more challenging.
 
Advertise how? I've lived here over a year now and have yet to find any gay spots here other than the cruising park which is only good for finding a quick wa to get off not really my scene. I'm really clueless on meeting guys anywhere i'm not the most confident pereson and not the best looking. I am also very shy when it comes to meeting new people.
 
^ You've got a computer and an internet connection. Think about it. :)

And yes, come out to your gay friend. Say "I've finally come to grips with what you figured out years ago."

Lex
 
The only sites i've found online are hookup sites and i suck at finding local stuff online anyway. the sites i've found have no listings for my area and i ussually have to select that i live in a city 70 miles away just to search the site.
 
Keep looking. I've been too far off the scene to know what the good ones are, but they're out there. "GWM, recently out, seeking friendship, possible LTR. Me: age, basic type, interests. You: friendly, willing to help ease me into "this whole gay thing", other traits you like. Let's meet for coffee, and see what happens."

Lex
 
thanx g-lex. I'm still kind of nervous about putting myself out there and not knowing whats going to happen as lame as that sounds!
 
Thus the last bit. "Let's meet for coffee and see what happens." You go to the coffeeshop. And perhaps the guy's a zero. You don't like him, or just don't click with him. You finish your coffee, you thank him for taking a chance in coming out to meet you, but you don't think you two are very compatible, you pay the bill, and you start again.

Lex
 
singlesax03 said:
Advertise how? I've lived here over a year now and have yet to find any gay spots here other than the cruising park which is only good for finding a quick wa to get off not really my scene.
Click to expand...

Advertise that you're looking for a relationship. Boys will be boys and-gay or straight- a lot of the time they're looking for a warm body and one hot night.

If you're not looking for a hook-up, make it clear. Bars, parks, craigslist- all places for quickies. There are other sites that are more in the personal ad tradition and this is what you're looking for (and perhaps others can recommend some because I'm a married man and I don't have a clue).

singlesax03 said:
I'm really clueless on meeting guys anywhere i'm not the most confident pereson and not the best looking. I am also very shy when it comes to meeting new people.
Click to expand...

Congrats on coming out. Congrats on joining JUB. These are big steps.

Well, I'm gonna give you some tough advice. Put the relationship thing on hold and work on yourself for a bit. Confident guys who take care of themselves are a lot more attractive than guys who don't believe in themselves.

Do some volunteer work or join a gay group that has a common interest as you (sports, politics, public service- there's plenty of choices). Make some gay friends. Join a gym, hire a trainer and get in shape. Treat yourself to a makeover. And start believing in yourself.

Then get out there and date.
 
I am comfortable with myself I'm not the most attractive person and i'm fine with that. My main problem is those groups everyone talks about are non-existent here the closest city to me is 70 mile away so it's a little more difficult here.
 
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