Nothing seems to be working :(

[MMMonsterBoy]

Am I just not made to be a bottom?

So I've only ever topped, but recently my boyfriend has been wanting to reverse the roles. And I wanted to try it. So we've trying it on several different occasions and it just never seems to work. Sometimes it feels all right, but then it slips out and when he puts it back in I feel the same pain I feel every time. A strong intense burning sensation that I honestly cannot handle. I've tried excessive lubricant, oil and water based, and I get the same pain. It is not an enjoyable experience, but I really want it to work. I can tell that he is frustrated, but he is patient and understanding.

I've looked into so many tips and steps, and I've taken them all...but for the most part I just feel like my insides are tearing from the inside out every time.

Any advice?

 

[KaraBulut]

Generally, a burning sensation during anal sex has one of two causes: you're not relaxed or you're sensitive to latex/lubes.

There is a group of men and women who have an allergy to latex or to the ingredients in lube. For these people, a non-latex condom like Durex Avanti or Lifestyles Skyn is an option. For lube sensitivies, it may take trying to different lubes until you find one that doesn't trigger the reaction (it already sounds like you've tried different lubes).

The most common cause of the burning sensation is resistance from the sphincter muscles. This is usually related to not being relaxed. Relaxing during bottoming is something that is a trained response for most people- the natural tendency is for the sphincter muscles to be constricted and it takes some experience and practice to learn to relax.

Try buying a buttplug that is slightly wider than your boyfriend's penis. When you masturbate, spend time moving it in and out- taking as much as you can of the buttplug, stopping when you reach the point where it burns. Work on taking as much of the buttplug as you can until you work up to the point where you can insert the buttplug all the way without burning.

When you are bottoming with your boyfriend, spend lots of time on foreplay. Have him insert lubed fingers in your ass until you have relaxed to the point where it doesn't burn. When you have reached the point where you are relaxed and he can insert several fingers at the same time without effort, then he can fuck you.

For most people, learning to relax on demand is learned and it takes moving past the fear of pain when bottoming. As you learn to relax and begin to associate pleasure with bottoming, it will become more natural for you to relax instead of tensing up when your boyfriend's dick is knocking at your back door.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Well, first and foremost...I think bottoming is something that one can either like, grow to like, or not like at all. I think if you're in the latter group, it's not really anything you should go about forcing yourself to like/enjoy.

Based on everything you said that you have tried, it seems that you've exhausted all the options which can make things more pleasurable for you. The first couple of times my partner and I started having sex...I felt that same excruciating burning sensation you mentioned. It was very uncomfortable and really made me not even want to have sex. I switched lubricants (we use boybutter h20 now) and things have been great since then. I also find that being very relaxed helps matters a lot. I used to tense up a lot right before he would enter me...and it seems like I had issues most often then. I'm sure you've probably heard that 'relax' line before, but it's so common because there is a lot of truth behind it. Is there a such thing as cooling lubricant? I asked something about that a while back...check into it if you can.

Also, have you guys tried as many positions as possible? Sometimes certain positions can make things more comfortable for you. I have a couple of 'go to' positions that tend to make things feel just right for me.

This may or may not have anything at all to do with your situation--but I also found that if I did any 'cleansing' immediately before we had sex, I was more uncomfortable during intercourse. Burning, etc...

Work with all of these variables and monitor the results each time. Something has to work for you. BUT, if you really don't like anal sex--it's possible that it's just not for you.

keep us updated!

Sounds like you know exactly what I am going through, word by word. We've tried different positions, but the outcome is never the same. Sometimes it hurts one way, but it is only good for that one instance. But yes, I am very tense and expect pain since that is all I have experienced so far.

Cooling lubricants? I am going to look into that, as well as the lube that you and your partner use.

Thanks!

Generally, a burning sensation during anal sex has one of two causes: you're not relaxed or you're sensitive to latex/lubes.

There is a group of men and women who have an allergy to latex or to the ingredients in lube. For these people, a non-latex condom like Durex Avanti or Lifestyles Skyn is an option. For lube sensitivies, it may take trying to different lubes until you find one that doesn't trigger the reaction (it already sounds like you've tried different lubes).

The most common cause of the burning sensation is resistance from the sphincter muscles. This is usually related to not being relaxed. Relaxing during bottoming is something that is a trained response for most people- the natural tendency is for the sphincter muscles to be constricted and it takes some experience and practice to learn to relax.

Try buying a buttplug that is slightly wider than your boyfriend's penis. When you masturbate, spend time moving it in and out- taking as much as you can of the buttplug, stopping when you reach the point where it burns. Work on taking as much of the buttplug as you can until you work up to the point where you can insert the buttplug all the way without burning.

When you are bottoming with your boyfriend, spend lots of time on foreplay. Have him insert lubed fingers in your ass until you have relaxed to the point where it doesn't burn. When you have reached the point where you are relaxed and he can insert several fingers at the same time without effort, then he can fuck you.

For most people, learning to relax on demand is learned and it takes moving past the fear of pain when bottoming. As you learn to relax and begin to associate pleasure with bottoming, it will become more natural for you to relax instead of tensing up when your boyfriend's dick is knocking at your back door.

This was most useful. Well, I know that I am allergic to the condoms or the lubes, thankfully. That was my first thought too, but after changing it so many times I guess it is that I am not relaxed.

I have been thinking about getting a toy to help me ease into this, as I don't really get much into anal play (sometimes). It is very hard for me to relax, and sometimes we skip over foreplay (which doesn't help my case).

Thanks for the advice !

 

[mano]

+1 on the sensitive to certain materials. I have a Dildo that I can take WITH a condom on it, but take that condom off and it burns like crazy.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

So, I got myself a toy earlier this week. Not a Dildo as I couldn't find one, but something that could be used for foreplay to loosen and relax me up before doing the real thing.

Question. I've been told to relax, as everyone here said, but I've always read 'act like you are going #2.' Is that any true?

 

[KaraBulut]

Question. I've been told to relax, as everyone here said, but I've always read 'act like you are going #2.' Is that any true?

Hmm. Well, kinda.

During potty training, children are taught to keep the sphincter muscles contracted. Instinctively, we "bear down" and push when having a bowel movement or farting.

Bearing down is one way to relax the sphincter muscles. But it's actually better just to learn to relax the muscles on command. Working with a toy will help. It also helps to lube up your finger, insert it (use a rubber glove if you're squeamish about such things) and concentrate on learning to relax and contract the muscle around your finger.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Why don't you have your partner just use his fingers and / or your toys to play with your bum while he's kissing you, or blowing you, or just pleasuring you? Try this for a few weeks. Relaxation is really the only thing that will relieve the pain. Then, once you've learned to fully relax after a month or so, then you can learn when to relax and when to squeeze your ass to get him to blow inside you in no time flat. A good bottom learns to know how his bum feels and is at any given time.

 

[Monsolmer]

Am I just not made to be a bottom?

So I've only ever topped, but recently my boyfriend has been wanting to reverse the roles. And I wanted to try it. So we've trying it on several different occasions and it just never seems to work. Sometimes it feels all right, but then it slips out and when he puts it back in I feel the same pain I feel every time. A strong intense burning sensation that I honestly cannot handle. I've tried excessive lubricant, oil and water based, and I get the same pain. It is not an enjoyable experience, but I really want it to work. I can tell that he is frustrated, but he is patient and understanding.

I've looked into so many tips and steps, and I've taken them all...but for the most part I just feel like my insides are tearing from the inside out every time.

Any advice?

Am I allowed to say this. But just try some poppers. It will help you relax big time.

 

[RaKroma]

Generally, a burning sensation during anal sex has one of two causes: you're not relaxed or you're sensitive to latex/lubes.

There is a group of men and women who have an allergy to latex or to the ingredients in lube. For these people, a non-latex condom like Durex Avanti or Lifestyles Skyn is an option. For lube sensitivies, it may take trying to different lubes until you find one that doesn't trigger the reaction (it already sounds like you've tried different lubes).

Is there an easy way to confirm or eliminate latex/lube allergy? If I rub latex condom on my skin and won't get any reaction is that good enough test? Or latex condom inside your rectum is more sensitive for the body? Are people allergic to silicone lube? I do get burning feeling if I try to bottom but I'm not sure if it's because I'm too tight or because of this possible allergies.

 

[KaraBulut]

Is there an easy way to confirm or eliminate latex/lube allergy? If I rub latex condom on my skin and won't get any reaction is that good enough test? Or latex condom inside your rectum is more sensitive for the body? Are people allergic to silicone lube? I do get burning feeling if I try to bottom but I'm not sure if it's because I'm too tight or because of this possible allergies.

Latex allergies can vary quite a bit. Some people will break out in a rash. Others have a severe reaction, even as severe as an asthma attack. Because we are exposed to latex quite a bit in the materials in our environment, latex allergies are getting more common.

Usually we see non-medical people complaining of latex reactions from two sources- blowing up party balloons (which brings the lips and tongue in contact with a latex balloon) and from condom use. Both the lips and the anus have mucuous membranes that are prone to reactions in a person with latex sensitivity. Those who have condom reactions either have a itchy rash on their penis or they complain of itchy swelling on their anus. It can also have a burning effect but the burning is something that usually happens hours after exposure to latex.

In contrast, the burning that is felt when the sphincter is felt immediately when the penis tries to pass through the anus. When I was a kid, we used to twist the skin on each other's forearm which made a burning sensation when the skin is stretched- that's probably the closest description of what the burning sensation is like- it's the feeling of tissues being stretched. While there may be some residual burning, the most noticeable thing is that the majority of the pain and burning goes away when the penis is withdrawn.

Silicone seems to be a substance which doesn't trigger allergic reactions very often. It's used in cooking sprays (like Pam in the US) and it's also used in medical implants because it doesn't trigger much of an immune reaction in most people.

On the other hand, there are people who are sensitive to water-based lubes. In particular, many water based lubes that contain glycerin or paraben seem to trigger reactions in some people. A few manufacturers have started producing hypoallergenic lubes for people who are sensitive to glycerin or paraben.

There's also some brands of water-based lube that have a chemical that creates a "warming" sensation when friction is applied. There are probably people who enjoy warming lubes for anal sex but most people complain that they burn. Fortunately, the better lubes label the brands that are warming.

And also- you should not use spermicidal lubes or spermicidal condoms for anal sex. The spermicides used are very irritating to the tissues of the anus and rectum.