Officially confused... what's going on in his head? :-/

[DonSade]

I wrote a while back about dating the ex of an old friend of mine with whom I had some issues with.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=258542

It didn't really work out with Adam. He left a week ago to study abroad so, that was doomed rather quickly (plus, I'm also leaving the country in a month hehe).

On to Sam. Last week, on Wednesday, I was already in bed catching up on some Family Guys episodes at hulu.com when my dor all of a sudden opens and it happens to be Sam in his underwear. I'm stumped (I was basically naked too) so, I just asked what was going on. He said he didn't want to sleep with my straight housemate which I understood since a while back he commented had a crush on so I just said it was fine, and he could sleep in bed with me.

He lay there, asked when I was finally leaving (I've postponed my trip 4 times already), I answered and he just "fell asleep" or so it seemed. Mind you, he was extremely drunk and smelled extremely bad so, I got the idea that he indeed did want to have sex with me, but since I heard him say once he found me disgusting, I just gave him his space and let him sleep while I watched the episodes.

After I finished, I finally lay in bed with my back facing him. He lay still. I just tried sleeping with no success. I then turned around and finally faced him and a couple of seconds later he started masturbating with his eyes closed. I didn't know what to make of it since I couldn't tell whether he was asleep or not, so I just stared at him rather terrified and just wondered WTF was going on. He threw one of his legs on me and started masturbating even more furiously at which point I just thought, "ok, lets see where this takes us" so, I caressed his leg and worked my way up towards his crotch while kissing his neck. When I finally reached his balls he stopped and said in a very dry tone as if regretting what he just did "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do" and for some reason the bit of momentum we had just dissipated.

I chuckled and lay my arm on his chest and tried sleeping. He said he was mad at the world to which I replied there was no reason to be because that's a ridiculous thing to say and tried getting the real reason why he was mad. He just limited himself to say it had nothing to do with me. Then he said he had to go and wasn't supposed to be here and just lay there for a bit more. He finally got up and left 5 minutes after.

I'm guessing this was just him and one of his booty calls but he's never done this to me before. I've known him for roughly 3 years and for the past 2 years our friendship has been a rocking unstable boat. One week we can actually look at each other and talk like normal civilized people and the next 2 or 3 he's as cold as a block of ice (not to mention he compeltely ignores my calls and never replied to my messages.) About a month ago was his birthday. I went just to give him some stuff I bought for him a while back before I finally decided to cut him off as a gift and it was still awkward so I just left the stuff and went home.

I did afterwards send him the following message:

"Last Wednesday I didnt do anything not because I didnt want to, (the least I wanted to do was bang your ass against the wall) but because I still felt u were repulsed by me. Were way past guessing games. You can be completely honest to me about anything especially if what you want is sex. We should just talk before trying any of this again. Thanks."

I did want to have sex with him. The thing about it is I heard from his own lips once that he found me "utterly repulsive". There's a big difference between wanting and pursuing. At some point he thought what I wanted from him was sex so he kept his distance because he was obviously not interested and I knew that (which is why I never pursued it) and out of sheer respect I would never touch anyone who thought as much about me as it would be humiliating. His words were indeed hurtful (although i heard this through desperate means) and i feel he should've spoken to me before trying to do anything like this.

I'm going to go ahead and say I believe he was just horny, didn't know who else to go to and ended up in my house and picked me for the needed relief. If our history was different, say, he wasn't my best friend at some point and hadn't ignored me when I asked him for help plus hadn't said I was repulsive I wouldn't have thought twice about fucking him (his body is perfection incarnate... he used to be a gymnast as a kid and it's really hard to ignore such a feast). But after all the BS he's put me through I think I at least deserve to get things clear before moving on to anything else.

At this point I am completely clueless about this guy. I don't know what he wants, what he thinks of me, why he did what he did... he just always quiet. I dunno... I'd just wish he actually spoke for once. I've tried and he just declines... I don't know what to make of him anymore. :-/

Officially CONFUSED.

 

[G-Lexington]

There's a guy who holds the answers you seek.
To the best of my knowledge, he ain't on here.
Talk to him. Not via text, not via IM, not via e-mail. In person. Say "Look, do you want something to happen or not? And if so, what? One-night fling, friend with benefits, what?" And whatever it is HE wants, you'll have to decide if that's what YOU want. If you're not interested in touching him occasionally while he jerks off, then don't. Assume that what he says he wants is the limit. Don't think that if you can touch him while he jerks off that you can eventually get him to spread his legs for you.

Lex

 

[DonSade]

Well, the thing is, by I've tried I mean tried every conceivable way... when I try to bring stuff up in conversation he deflects me or says we can talk about it some other time. Everything has to be his terms or when he decides its prudent which I think is selfish. I didn't really assume anything. In fact, I wasn't thinking about doing anything unless he gave me signs of moving further. I took the leg as a cue to touch if I so chose.

The message I sent as a sort of catalyst... because what I do want to do is talk with him. It's been long overdue and well, last time we did have some sort of conversation about "us" it didn't go too well and again he said we had time to talk about it some other day... I said the ass thing to show my limits as I thought his limits were"stay away from me" until Wednesday night... he doesn't really help by doing stuff like this and that's my problem. One day he sends me some signals, the next he sends the complete opposite.

 

[G-Lexington]

If he keeps putting you off, and won't talk to you, then there's your answer, I think. "I was horny, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But now, no."

Lex

 

[DonSade]

Precisely. Back when we used to be good friends, when we would see each other every day and even considered living together under the same roof (and we did as housemates for a couple of months) after i committed the mistake of saying I had feelings for him but didn't want anything but the friendship that we had he put a big distance between us. But, this distance was, as it is today, one day extremely long the next as short as a breath.

Trying to fix things, I've tried talking, he refused to even give me the light of day for absolutely anything. Tried to the point that it seemd like stalking... so I gave up as I understood at that point "He doesn't even want to be friends". I then decided to cut him off completely. He then tries to apologize and doesn't bother to listen to what I have to say and AGAIN cuts me off and says we can talk about it some other time (and then offers to take off my pants insistently at which point I declined because I indeed was not interested in doing absolutely anything with him) when clearly he brought it up again... not me. I was putting the distance between us then as I am now.

Its strikes me as odd and confusing that now somehow he has some sort of interest in doing anything with me when I've clearly kept my distance with him CONSTANT... not as ever changing as he has.

I don't have any feeling for him anymore but I do care about him. We used to be inseparable at some point. And I will admit, I do miss him but don't I deserve his honesty? I've always been honest to him, upfront and all I get from him is humiliation and stupid silence.

Now that I actually wrote this, I guess I feel like it makes no difference if we have absolutely anything though, whether it's a friendship or a sexual relationship. I mean, I do care about him, but I'm much more cold headed about him now than I used to be. I'm sick of the fucking drama -_-

 

[spencer]

Next time he comes to your room, ask him "who's stalking who?" then ask him and say, "look just admit that you wanted me all along and we can fool around, otherwise I'm going to continue to shoot your down and you're going to continue to look sad and desperate, now get out of my bed you smell and I'm revolted by you."

 

[DonSade]

lol That's a bit of what I want to get across. The more I think about it the more I see how desperate and alone he really is.

Adam is one of the few constant partners he's had and when they were together Adam didn't mention anything to anyone but Sam did shout it everywhere. So maybe, just maybe Sam wanted it to be something it wasn't and painted it to everyone else as such. Adam never really gave me signs of wanting anything serious with me anyway. It just ended up being some sex here and there and friendly hang outs. And, I was fine with it until he left.