Oh, joyful agony.

[Distance]

First time poster here, long time lurker. Hello JUBers!

A few weeks ago I met this guy. We started chatting on Grindr (oh, the horror!), and my first impression of him was cute and handsome. I politely started the conversation and he seemed interested. I had actually found a guy on Grindr that was not after a hookup. Who knew?

The past few weeks we have been talking non-stop via texts and Skype, even video chatting when available. We send at least 2 pictures of ourselves each day. He's adorable, kind, gentle and intelligent. What I like the most is his smile.

Next weekend he's coming up here to meet me (we live almost 900 kms (560 miles) apart). I like the fact that he's willing to come here and stay with me for the weekend. I think he'll enjoy it, and so will I. The issue is not him staying here, nor is it if he is going to like me in person. Sometimes people match, and sometimes not. If not, we'll probably just part as friends.

The real issue is that he's very, very closeted. It's almost to the point where if I tell him I like him, he goes ape-shit crazy and tells me that "like" is a strong word. However, if he tells me that he likes me - it's okay to him. My issue with that is that love (read: liking someone, love is far-fetched to say since we have yet to meet) should be reciprocated, if there is love. I really like this guy, but I'm unsure whether he likes me back (even though he has said that he does). Yesterday I asked him if he would like to go out to dinner with me when he comes to live with me for the weekend, and his response was: Home-cooked only!

This aggravated me, I must say. I can understand the dilemma where he's uncomfortable with people knowing his "gayness", but at the same time if he actually wants me to one day share his bed (yes, far-fetched, I know - but you get the point), he's going to have to be willing to let me. It's not like I go around and brag with my homosexuality, but I want the privilege to be able to show my love and affection publicly, too.

How do I approach this subject? He seems to just stop and attempt to flee the confrontation. I guess he's not ready to face confrontation.

TL;DR - I like a guy that is very closeted that wants to keep our relationship (if you can call it that) a secret. I want to show him my affection my way, not on his boundaries.

I would appreciate any advice, including hard truths and opinions on how you may think I'm the mistaken one.

Love,
Distance.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Distance,

Welcome to JustUsBoys and good to post this message. I think its good that you meet him soon in real life and that you will experience how he is reacting in real life.

It seems to me that you are open about your sexual orientation, meaning that your friends / family etc. are aware that you are gay, and that they are aware that you have gay friends as well (including him).

Excuse me very much, but there is no way this closeted guy can keep going on with hiding/lying about himself (and about his relationship with you) when he will often visit you / spend the weekends together with you (etc.).

Do you want to start hiding him to your friends / relatives (etc.) and lying about him to your friends / relatives etc?. I mean, likely you talk with your friends / relatives / work mates (etc.) about all kind of items you did during the weekend? 'So how was your weekend'? 'Uh..' And how about him? What kind of fairy tales he will tell to his friends / family when he is often visiting you?

That does not work for open guys like you. Does indeed not mean that you need to brag around that you are gay. No. Straight friends of you suddenly walk around in the mall with a girl, and all will assume that she is his girlfriend. So why not do / behave similar with him? So why not have dinner together with him in a nice restaurant? Excuse me very much, but his ideas are ridicilous.

How old are both of you? Anyway, good he will soon visit you, and both of you can spend time together. Feel free to react and/or to ask for other advice. Take care.

 

[bw92116]

If you like him, and if you want to love him, you will have to accept him as he is now. What you see is what you get. You cannot change him, and she should not (and probably can't) change himself for you.

Yeah, maybe later in his life he will be come more comfortable and more open about who he is. But you don't know that for sure and you don't know when that will happen, if it ever happens. I would not try to confront him on this issue. That will only drive him away.

I would not try to get him to change, as that would be disrespectful to him, and would probably just drive him away. If he ever changes, he will change on his own terms and on his own timetable, and it will be for himself, not for you.

Your only choice is to either accept him for who he is right now, or not accept him and move on.

When you are in private with him, at your place, then you will have an opportunity to express your affection to him, in a setting that he is comfortable with. I would content yourself with that.

I get a sense that you are already developing some serious feelings for him, and if so, I think it's way too soon for you to. I would keep it very light, and your feelings in check until you are certain that he is developing feelings for you. Otherwise you could end up hurt emotionally, and badly.

 

[HunterM]

Welcome to JUB, Distance!

Since you have not met him in person yet, don't over analyze. Don't think too much into the future. Keep an open mind to test the water with him when you two are alone. Hug him; hold his hand; touch his thigh when you sit next to him...just to see how he would react when no one else is around to judge him for his gayness. If this is his first time in a relationship with a man, it takes time for him to process it all.

HAVE FUN man!

 

[Distance]

First off, I want to thank you guys for any insight, I really appreciate it. And thank you very much for a warm welcome!

It seems to me that you are open about your sexual orientation, meaning that your friends / family etc. are aware that you are gay, and that they are aware that you have gay friends as well (including him).

Do you want to start hiding him to your friends / relatives (etc.) and lying about him to your friends / relatives etc?. I mean, likely you talk with your friends / relatives / work mates (etc.) about all kind of items you did during the weekend? 'So how was your weekend'? 'Uh..' And how about him? What kind of fairy tales he will tell to his friends / family when he is often visiting you?

That does not work for open guys like you. Does indeed not mean that you need to brag around that you are gay. No. Straight friends of you suddenly walk around in the mall with a girl, and all will assume that she is his girlfriend. So why not do / behave similar with him? So why not have dinner together with him in a nice restaurant? Excuse me very much, but his ideas are ridicilous.

How old are both of you? Anyway, good he will soon visit you, and both of you can spend time together. Feel free to react and/or to ask for other advice. Take care.

I can't say that I'm out-out. But I don't deny my persona. If someone asks, I tell them.

The thing is, I want it to work. I would not mind waiting for him, for his tide to turn. He may not be as accepting as I am currently - but I hope he'll get there.

I'm 18, almost 19. He's turning 21.

If you like him, and if you want to love him, you will have to accept him as he is now. What you see is what you get. You cannot change him, and she should not (and probably can't) change himself for you.

Yeah, maybe later in his life he will be come more comfortable and more open about who he is. But you don't know that for sure and you don't know when that will happen, if it ever happens. I would not try to confront him on this issue. That will only drive him away.

I would not try to get him to change, as that would be disrespectful to him, and would probably just drive him away. If he ever changes, he will change on his own terms and on his own timetable, and it will be for himself, not for you.

Your only choice is to either accept him for who he is right now, or not accept him and move on.

When you are in private with him, at your place, then you will have an opportunity to express your affection to him, in a setting that he is comfortable with. I would content yourself with that.

I get a sense that you are already developing some serious feelings for him, and if so, I think it's way too soon for you to. I would keep it very light, and your feelings in check until you are certain that he is developing feelings for you. Otherwise you could end up hurt emotionally, and badly.

This is great advice. Thank you.

I try not to get head over heels for him, but I just surpass any breaks when I speak with him. Gee, I probably even like him more than I care to admit. I will try to restrain myself and see where this leads, we might just part as friends. I guess only time will tell.

Since you have not met him in person yet, don't over analyze. Don't think too much into the future. Keep an open mind to test the water with him when you two are alone. Hug him; hold his hand; touch his thigh when you sit next to him...just to see how he would react when no one else is around to judge him for his gayness. If this is his first time in a relationship with a man, it takes time for him to process it all.

HAVE FUN man!

Eye-opener. I'm being way too close-minded. Note to self: Take it easy, enjoy the ride.

I'm not entirely sure if it's his first, I would guess so though. This is the only time I've gotten this close to anyone, apart from relatives and family. I really don't want to screw this up.

Thank you guys, I really appreciate your insight. It really means a lot.

*HUGS TO ALL OF YOU*

 

[thephoenix]

Ok, so yes I agree with Ganoderma that you should make a decision regarding this boy's lack of outness; however, I think there is a larger issue that needs to be seen to as well: the message you are communicating to him.

Just from your description of the exchanges you have had with the boy you are coming on so very strong that you're gonna end up scaring him. Lets look at what you've laid out here:

1. Met him on Grindr and surprised he's not out for just a hook- up; so what is he looking for? Did he tell you with actual words?
2. You haven't met him yet and you have him "staying the weekend" with you, which you later referred to as "living" with you for the weekend. Freudian slip, maybe?
3. You talk about your opinion of reciprocation of feelings and use the word love and have to clarify that it is "like" at the point.
4. You are already bringing up "someday sharing his bed."

Here's the impression you are giving from just this post (though I'd be hard pressed to believe the same impression isn't being given in real life): that you are overly....let's just call a duck a duck (I apologize if I offend you) you are coming off as desperate and needy placing unreasonable expectations on a guy you met on Grindr. Generally speaking, sharing the guy's bed in the manner to which your tone implied never happens because most men on there just want sex. It's sounds like you went bobbing for a boyfriend in shark infested waters. Not only dangerous, but misguided and it could end up getting you hurt if not physically, then certainly emotionally.

The guy you describe sounds like he could be a guy struggling with coming out and the things you are bringing up are things that don't come up necessarily until months and coming out time down the road. You two are at two very different points on the road to coming out acceptance....possibly two different maps. You should not at this point place pressure on him to come into your world if he isn't ready and it sounds like he not.

That or he doesn't like you that much and is being nice. Because from the picture you pain, in this situation there's you- on fire and ready to go, standing up for your relationship rights and then there's him who's not so much. He says he likes and you I get the impression it's after you ask if him if he does and you take it to me "I'm am so almost in love with you" meanwhile he meant "You're a cool guy."

I think he does like you - at least enough to come visit you, but you have got to slow down and think about some things. At this point (at least until more information is available) this guys' hesitancy or being in the closet, whatever, is not the problem and he doesn't owe it's resolution to you or anyone, but himself. We're all entitled to figuring ourselves out at our own pace without someone trying to make us feel like a bad boyfriend and that type of relationship hasn't even started.

You already know that if you were to date someone you'd want them to be out. Then simple logic says that this guy is not for you if a) you you want someone who's already out and are unwilling to be patient and accommodate for someone in the process of coming out or b) he isn't out and has no intention of doing so.

We all have our own dating tolerances for men who are in the closet or in the process and that is a personal call on each our parts. I can tell you from experience that a guy who is already out and secure with who he is makes for a much less painful and more fulfilling relationship.

Just slow it down and don't be so quick to aggravation because ultimately, it's your call on if any of this is a problem. I'm sorry if I came off rude or insensitive!

 

[Georgiadude]

Hello and welcome

I've been down this road, as have many other gay guys and it usually doesn't go well. He's so deep in the closet he's covered in spider webs. There's no way in hell your going to have any type of social life with him. He's going to be hundreds of miles away from anyone he knows and is still so fearful that someone is going to think he's gay that he won't even go to dinner??????? Who the hell does he think he's going to run into, his mother? I have straight friends that go to dinner all the time. Who the hell cares if two guys are out to dinner. It's not like your going to bend him over the table and hammer his ass in the restaurant. So what does he plan on doing the entire weekend. Stay locked up in your apartment and discuss world politics? Think about it. Forget about how he looks and his wonderful smile for a minute. Do you really want to get involved with someone that is afraid to be seen with you?

I'm not saying to cut all ties with him or anything like that but I think you really need to be very careful about getting attached to this guy. He's not going to give you the emotional, intimate relationship your hoping for. I'm not talking about sex. I mean the emotional, loving connection that develops between two people. Be friends if you want but don't expect anything more than that. Until he becomes comfortable being gay your just going to be his little secrete. You will not be allowed to meet his friends and family. You will not be allowed to attend social functions together. Nobody in his life will know that you exist. He wont want to meet your friends or family. We already know he wont go out in public with you. Your setting yourself up for a life of disappointments and hiding.

I was with someone that was like that. We could go out to dinner together but NEVER show any type of a hint we were anything more than friends. We'd kiss in the car if there wasn't any other cars around. We'd hold hands ONLY in the car. One evening we went to dinner and I tried to play "footsie" under the table. OMG he flipped out. Nobody was anywhere near us but I dared to flirt a little. This guy wont even go to dinner with you. His rules, fears and ridiculous expectations aren't realistic. Do what you want but go into this knowing that your probably not going to change how he acts and treats you.

Steven.

 

[Distance]

Ok, so yes I agree with Ganoderma that you should make a decision regarding this boy's lack of outness; however, I think there is a larger issue that needs to be seen to as well: the message you are communicating to him.

Just from your description of the exchanges you have had with the boy you are coming on so very strong that you're gonna end up scaring him. Lets look at what you've laid out here:

1. Met him on Grindr and surprised he's not out for just a hook- up; so what is he looking for? Did he tell you with actual words?
2. You haven't met him yet and you have him "staying the weekend" with you, which you later referred to as "living" with you for the weekend. Freudian slip, maybe?
3. You talk about your opinion of reciprocation of feelings and use the word love and have to clarify that it is "like" at the point.
4. You are already bringing up "someday sharing his bed."

Here's the impression you are giving from just this post (though I'd be hard pressed to believe the same impression isn't being given in real life): that you are overly....let's just call a duck a duck (I apologize if I offend you) you are coming off as desperate and needy placing unreasonable expectations on a guy you met on Grindr. Generally speaking, sharing the guy's bed in the manner to which your tone implied never happens because most men on there just want sex. It's sounds like you went bobbing for a boyfriend in shark infested waters. Not only dangerous, but misguided and it could end up getting you hurt if not physically, then certainly emotionally.

The guy you describe sounds like he could be a guy struggling with coming out and the things you are bringing up are things that don't come up necessarily until months and coming out time down the road. You two are at two very different points on the road to coming out acceptance....possibly two different maps. You should not at this point place pressure on him to come into your world if he isn't ready and it sounds like he not.

That or he doesn't like you that much and is being nice. Because from the picture you pain, in this situation there's you- on fire and ready to go, standing up for your relationship rights and then there's him who's not so much. He says he likes and you I get the impression it's after you ask if him if he does and you take it to me "I'm am so almost in love with you" meanwhile he meant "You're a cool guy."

I am aware that I come off as desperate and needy. I am really trying to restrain myself, but I seem to be unable to. I realize that my incoherent first post is indeed a call for help, and that we do not share the same ideals on our current life-situations. It's my first time, and I will make mistakes. I just want to see where this heads on.

I think he does like you - at least enough to come visit you, but you have got to slow down and think about some things. At this point (at least until more information is available) this guys' hesitancy or being in the closet, whatever, is not the problem and he doesn't owe it's resolution to you or anyone, but himself. We're all entitled to figuring ourselves out at our own pace without someone trying to make us feel like a bad boyfriend and that type of relationship hasn't even started.

You already know that if you were to date someone you'd want them to be out. Then simple logic says that this guy is not for you if a) you you want someone who's already out and are unwilling to be patient and accommodate for someone in the process of coming out or b) he isn't out and has no intention of doing so.

We all have our own dating tolerances for men who are in the closet or in the process and that is a personal call on each our parts. I can tell you from experience that a guy who is already out and secure with who he is makes for a much less painful and more fulfilling relationship.

Just slow it down and don't be so quick to aggravation because ultimately, it's your call on if any of this is a problem. I'm sorry if I came off rude or insensitive!

You're absolutely right. I wouldn't normally want to date someone that is willing to go about to hide me. It's not who I am. That said, however, does not change my view towards him. I can only hope that he changes, and if he decides not to, then I just have to move on.

Don't sweat it, I even wrote that I appreciate an honest answer. I like honest and direct answers, so thank you.

Hello and welcome

I've been down this road, as have many other gay guys and it usually doesn't go well. He's so deep in the closet he's covered in spider webs. There's no way in hell your going to have any type of social life with him. He's going to be hundreds of miles away from anyone he knows and is still so fearful that someone is going to think he's gay that he won't even go to dinner??????? Who the hell does he think he's going to run into, his mother? I have straight friends that go to dinner all the time. Who the hell cares if two guys are out to dinner. It's not like your going to bend him over the table and hammer his ass in the restaurant. So what does he plan on doing the entire weekend. Stay locked up in your apartment and discuss world politics? Think about it. Forget about how he looks and his wonderful smile for a minute. Do you really want to get involved with someone that is afraid to be seen with you?

I'm not saying to cut all ties with him or anything like that but I think you really need to be very careful about getting attached to this guy. He's not going to give you the emotional, intimate relationship your hoping for. I'm not talking about sex. I mean the emotional, loving connection that develops between two people. Be friends if you want but don't expect anything more than that. Until he becomes comfortable being gay your just going to be his little secrete. You will not be allowed to meet his friends and family. You will not be allowed to attend social functions together. Nobody in his life will know that you exist. He wont want to meet your friends or family. We already know he wont go out in public with you. Your setting yourself up for a life of disappointments and hiding.

I was with someone that was like that. We could go out to dinner together but NEVER show any type of a hint we were anything more than friends. We'd kiss in the car if there wasn't any other cars around. We'd hold hands ONLY in the car. One evening we went to dinner and I tried to play "footsie" under the table. OMG he flipped out. Nobody was anywhere near us but I dared to flirt a little. This guy wont even go to dinner with you. His rules, fears and ridiculous expectations aren't realistic. Do what you want but go into this knowing that your probably not going to change how he acts and treats you.

Steven.

I take it for what it is. He's coming to spend the weekend, if he doesn't want to go out, that's his issue. I mean, as of now, I am only a friend to him. Things might develop - sure - but if he can't stand the thought of just being with me as a friend... we will just part as that.

Thank you guys for advice (direct and indirect), I appreciate it all!

 

[Just_Believe18]

You've received some good advice. I'm a little concerned about this guy. Closet cases like this guy can be real jerks. I hope he behaves like a normal, human being with you. You sound like a cool guy. Keep us posted on what happens.

 

[Ganoderma]

I can't say that I'm out-out. But I don't deny my persona. If someone asks, I tell them.

hi Distance,

Thanks for the friendly reply and for the additional information. Its good to hear you like the various answers people have given to you.

I tend to think that you are out / open when you don't hide (ly about) that you are dating a guy, and that you do all the things a guy of your age would do when he was dating a girl. So go out for dinner, drink coffee together, and whatever.

Being out in this case is nothing more that you don't try to avoid meeting straight friends / relatives / fellow students when you walk around with Him (or do any other kind of social activity outside your own place with Him). Out & open people just don't bother.

Eye-opener. I'm being way too close-minded. Note to self: Take it easy, enjoy the ride.

I fully agree with the advice of HunterM. Relax, and see how he is in real life.

Good luck & I hope you will have a really nice weekend together with him.

 

[Georgiadude]

your welcome. As others have stated I'm concerned that the two of you aren't reading the same book, much less on the same page. It really sounds like your looking for or hoping for a relationship with him and he doesn't even want you to say you "like" him. Believe me. It's easy to say your ok with just being friends or parting ways but it's a lot harder when the time actually comes to do it. Especially when your the one that has the stronger feelings. Take a read through this forum and you will find dozens of threads that are similar to yours.

There's just something about this that gives me a bad feeling. You sound like a nice young man and I really don't want to see you get hurt or have something bad happen to you. If your not absolutely sure about this guy spending time in your home cancel it now. Im not saying he's the next craig's list killer. Don't take it that way. It's just a lot more uncomfortable to ask someone to leave than it is to say you need time to re think things. Is it possible to meet halfway and spend the day together rather than an entire weekend? Although that wouldn't work because he doesn't want to be in public with you. I'm just looking at this as an outside observer and it just doesn't feel right to me. I hope I'm wrong and everything will be fine. Just be smart about it. You've never really met him in person. At the very least let someone you know and trust know that your having someone over. Enjoy the weekend. Just be smart about it.

Steven.

 

[HunterM]

^ Good advice on safety!

 

[Howlly]

Well, I was going to be the one to preach about safety, but Georgiadude got there first.

There is something VERY uneasy sounding about this. It's firstly odd that he's coming all that way to meet you, yet he's not comfortable being seen with you. You're letting him spend time in your home, a home in which he wants to stay in without going out.

This guy could well be straight, and literally COULD be some psychopath. I'm not saying he is, but I felt instantly uneasy reading your post (Grindr + Highly closeted + Staying at your house 500+miles away from home = Disaster).

I agree, meet him halfway in the day time or something. I've met guys online (I'm not into hookups either, so it is hard), and I even met my current partner online and have been with him 2 and a half years, but we have a good few meets, I also felt adding him on Facebook and seeing him interacting with friends etc helped (Something your guy probably won't do due to being closeted).

I dunno man, just be careful.

 

[Distance]

You've received some good advice. I'm a little concerned about this guy. Closet cases like this guy can be real jerks. I hope he behaves like a normal, human being with you. You sound like a cool guy. Keep us posted on what happens.

Judging from the videochats and phonecalls I've had with him, I can't really state that he's a jerk. But of course, I have yet to meet him in person. He could be a whole new self.

Thank you, and I will, sir!

hi Distance,

Thanks for the friendly reply and for the additional information. Its good to hear you like the various answers people have given to you.

I tend to think that you are out / open when you don't hide (ly about) that you are dating a guy, and that you do all the things a guy of your age would do when he was dating a girl. So go out for dinner, drink coffee together, and whatever.

Being out in this case is nothing more that you don't try to avoid meeting straight friends / relatives / fellow students when you walk around with Him (or do any other kind of social activity outside your own place with Him). Out & open people just don't bother.

As I said, I don't hide who I am. Around my straight friends, I do however tend to play it cool and not bash around. Most of them know anyway.

I fully agree with the advice of HunterM. Relax, and see how he is in real life.

Good luck & I hope you will have a really nice weekend together with him.

Thank you and I hope so too!

your welcome. As others have stated I'm concerned that the two of you aren't reading the same book, much less on the same page. It really sounds like your looking for or hoping for a relationship with him and he doesn't even want you to say you "like" him. Believe me. It's easy to say your ok with just being friends or parting ways but it's a lot harder when the time actually comes to do it. Especially when your the one that has the stronger feelings. Take a read through this forum and you will find dozens of threads that are similar to yours.

There's just something about this that gives me a bad feeling. You sound like a nice young man and I really don't want to see you get hurt or have something bad happen to you. If your not absolutely sure about this guy spending time in your home cancel it now. Im not saying he's the next craig's list killer. Don't take it that way. It's just a lot more uncomfortable to ask someone to leave than it is to say you need time to re think things. Is it possible to meet halfway and spend the day together rather than an entire weekend? Although that wouldn't work because he doesn't want to be in public with you. I'm just looking at this as an outside observer and it just doesn't feel right to me. I hope I'm wrong and everything will be fine. Just be smart about it. You've never really met him in person. At the very least let someone you know and trust know that your having someone over. Enjoy the weekend. Just be smart about it.

Steven.

I feel like that is the exact case, we're chapters apart. And I do believe you, and I do realize that stating an action and completing one is not one and the same. I will just have to wait and see what happens.

Definitely, I will be revisiting my thoughts and feelings about this. After all, it is quite bold to invite someone to stay over for the weekend. If he really wants to meet me, he'll go with just a daytime meeting.

I have friends just a block away, I should be fine. Thank you for the consideration, it's really sweet.

Well, I was going to be the one to preach about safety, but Georgiadude got there first.

There is something VERY uneasy sounding about this. It's firstly odd that he's coming all that way to meet you, yet he's not comfortable being seen with you. You're letting him spend time in your home, a home in which he wants to stay in without going out.

This guy could well be straight, and literally COULD be some psychopath. I'm not saying he is, but I felt instantly uneasy reading your post (Grindr + Highly closeted + Staying at your house 500+miles away from home = Disaster).

I agree, meet him halfway in the day time or something. I've met guys online (I'm not into hookups either, so it is hard), and I even met my current partner online and have been with him 2 and a half years, but we have a good few meets, I also felt adding him on Facebook and seeing him interacting with friends etc helped (Something your guy probably won't do due to being closeted).

I dunno man, just be careful.

I've actually had him on Facebook for the time-period we've been chatting. He didn't seem to mind, but I can't know for sure. I feel like a meet halfway would be much better, but still less secure, somehow. I feel like if I have him at my place, I have a close call to home. We'll see.

I promise I'll go slow and be careful. Thank you for the great advice and insight. I really do appreciate it!

I'll keep you guys updated on anything regarding this!

 

[Seasoned]

I like and second what Georgiadude has written. Don't do this weekend in isolation. It would even be ok if a friend dropped by. Stay safe.

 

[Rolyo85]

Dating closeted guys does not work, unless they are near the coming out point, and even then the relationship has slim chances of success as so many things change in a guy after coming out that he literally isn't the same person he was before that.

I have a few questions though:

1. How did you even meet someone who lives 500 miles away from you? By your use of Kilometers I'd guess you are not in the US, but still, Grindr looks for the people who are the nearest to you. I know not everyone lives in a major city where that doesn't exceed a mile and a half, but 500 miles? That's pretty insane.

2. Whose idea was him visiting? And is he visiting exclusively to hang out with you? Have you discussed how you would spend the weekend?

3. Doesn't it offend you that someone you like won't be seen with you? It would make me furious.


And finally, an observation: you said, like, actually said "I am aware that I come off as desperate and needy. I am really trying to restrain myself, but I seem to be unable to." That is not ok. I know at your age it seems romantic to paint the picture of having such passionate feelings that they are beyond your control, but the world doesn't really work that way. By saying this in a public forum, you are asking for an audience, for a validation of your behavior. You will not get it. It is unhealthy, not to mention inappropriate, and if you are aware of this, you have no excuse for not being able to change it. Yes, we all have feelings we can't always control, desires that won't be restrained, and in the end, coming out is exactly that - the admission that we are who we are. But when it comes to obsessing over particular people, we CAN and SHOULD be in control of ourselves, or we push everyone away - both those who try to help us, and those we want.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, the likihood that he is an actual sociopath (a la Ted Bundy) is pretty small, but I've seen way too many severly closeted gay boys wig out to think trying anything beyond freindship with this guy is a good idea (we used to call that Baptist post fuck freak out) and it can get violent.

FORGET anything beyond being friends. It sounds like you aren't all that comfortable with your gayness yet, this guy hasn't even started contemplating his.

IT WILL END IN TEARS!!!!

Unless it never "starts"

 

[TX-Beau]

That's twice tonight Rolyo that you've stolen the march on me.

Damn you.

 

[Rolyo85]

You know you love it when I take charge