Oh man.... I'm depressed.

[Audio Tech]

If you are young, don't even bother reading this. You wouldn't understand.

OK, I admit it, I am bummed this morning. I rarely get into a mood, but this is one of them.

Last night I had a dream that I went to a bath house of sorts. Lot's of cute young guys everywhere. But they quickly all paired up leaving me all alone. No one even looked at me, not once. I didn't exist. Everyone had a great time, of course, except me. I am an outcast.

Why? Because I am over 40.

What an awful dream, but I often feel this way. I grew up when being out was just not an option. I eventually grew used to the idea of being alone. But lately I realized that this isn't what I want any more, etc. Read some of my first posts when I joined JUB only last year.

I have made a lot of progress since then, am openly out, etc.

But I also have realized that despite of how I feel inside, the gay world no longer sees me. Even here on JUB I often feel totally ignored. It's hard to get old, and there's nothing on this earth I can do about it. The only consolation I have is the fact that all the shallow young guys will soon be miserable old guys as well. Then they too, will know how it feels to become invisible. Is this really our fate???

I never asked for this. I never asked to be gay. I just wanted a normal life and some happiness. I don't know why it is my destiny to be tortured my entire life. I know it has made me a very tough person inside, but it still SUCKS!

I am now at the age, I guess, where people consider me a Daddy or something. This is a label I absolutely DREAD. I'm just not ready for this. I am much too young inside, and not too bad outside. I am full of life and energy, but the outside (gay) world no longer wants to know me. And where ARE the younger guys that like older men? The only guys interested in me are in their 50's. And even IF I were into older guys, most can't keep up with me, so what's the point?

I think I must be poison. No one wants to get to know me, or give me a chance. Yeah, I came out and feel better about myself in general, and it HAS been very good for me. But I really feel more than ever that I have missed the boat.

Most of the young guys on JUB just don't understand this (yet). But this is the one thing about the Gay culture I absolutely HATE.
I could get a woman in a heartbeat. If I wanted one. But alas, no. I had to be Gay AND old.

FUCK!

I'll feel better tomorrow. And I'm still out there trying....
And you know what? I DO have a lot to offer as a person.

I really just needed to vent a little. I hope SOME of you guys can understand. I hope someday I'll find MY special someone. But damn, I really don't need dreams like this.

 

[SilverWolf]

I read on jub how younger guys claim to be attracted to older men. I'm sure you'll find somebody

 

[anchihiro]

It's wrong to assume that anyone younger doesnt understand what it internally feels like to be excluded, ignored, isolated or looked down upon.

You yourself are inadvertantly making men older than you feel the same way.

But lets face facts, you're gay and over 40; its no big deal. i think what this is really about is your fear of growing old alone.
This is common, we all want someone to love, and we want to spend our lives sharing it with someone special.
If you had a partner i doubt these feelings would be rising to the surface. You can pull someone younger than yourself, confidence is the key. Good luck.

 

[Ares]

But this is the one thing about the Gay culture I absolutely HATE.

Aren't you doing the exact same thing to people your age and older though?

I'm in my 20s and have met many a 40-something that I am attracted to. It's all in the attitude.

 

[Nomenclature]

"Why? Because I am over 40. "

Tons of guys my age who love men your age. I know a guy in his early 50s who bangs college boys all the time.


So be quiet, please.

 

[birddog7]

I don't think being gay has a lot, if any, to do with this. I've heard straight guys say the same thing.

I know where you are coming from. I'm pushing 50, but I feel 18 inside. My old body is wearing out, or should I say, I've worn it out by exceeding it's designed limits for so many years, especially at work.

I too, am sad and lonely most of the time. My greatest fear about death is dying alone, and dying a virgin. I know time is running out for me to change this. The meter is getting closer to "expired" every day.

I'm intrigued by your saying "I could get a woman in a heartbeat". What would the difference be? I haven't had any luck with the women.
A lot of days I feel like I'm not a real man, and totally worthless.
I'm too chicken for suicide, or I'd probably have done it years ago.

I hope you get over this, and can find that special someone. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this, not even my worst enemy.

 

[bankside]

You're getting in your own way.

I figured that out when you said you could get a woman in a heartbeat. You are not self-conscious about that, because it's not important to you. But with a guy, you trip on your own feet. Congratulations! You've reached that awkward stage called puberty. LOL.

Take care of yourself, and everything will sort itself out.

 

[Just_Believe18]

By telling guys younger than you not to reply to this thread because they wouldn't understand you, is the very cause of your isolation. To me, you're valuing how young and attractive guys are, but don't believe they have the maturity or empathy to understand you. If I was pursuing an older man, I would be insulted if he felt this way towards me.

There are many younger guys who are into older men. I've been disappointed quite a few times to find that I was just too young for some hot guys.

Your depression is self-inflicted. Start some online profiles, and look for guys who are openly seeking older men. I would also recommend seeking guys your own age. You'll likely have more things in common with them, and he won't mind you being 40 because at his age, he's attracted to men who look like him. I know as I've grown older, I've come to appreciate the maturing body of my age group.

 

[GamerBear]

That first sentence is pretty much the reason why young guys turn away from you.

If you don't let a young guy into your life how do you expect them to like you. As for a young guy I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 50 years old so there are definitely younger guys who are into older men.

That dream you are having will never end until you get over your fear of being rejected because the Dream Dictionary pretty much says this.

To dream that you are alone, indicates feelings of rejection. You may be feeling that no one understand you.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I can't have sympathy for anyone who rejects their own group. Its like you are saying "I won't date myself buy you should." No thanks - I'll take your advice and pass.

 

[Seasoned]

The problem is depression and needs to be treated immediately. One of the worse things that anybody can do is compare themselves to others. You are full of self pity and that gives off a vibe. People fit in or don't fit in at any age. Get into therapy and start putting yourself out there. And, oh yeah, it was a dream. It didn't happen.

PS. I'm old enough to be your father. I didn't come out until my late 30s. I still act 20 and I've been in a relationship for 27 years. I get my ass to therapy whenever I need it. My life is grand.

 

[altlover85]

Audio Guy, you seem pretty cool from the posts I've read by you. You had a dream, but there are younger guys out there that like older ones.

Both my current bf and my ex have been older than me. However, don't think that being with a younger guy doesn't come with it's own set of issues.

Soreknees, I'm surprised you are old enough to be Audio's dad. You definitely give off a younger vibe. I would have thought 40's, but then I remember your other posts and realize you must be older.

 

[hotatlboi]

self hatred is such a turn off. No surprise you can't get any. Like someone said it's like saying "I hate myself, but you should love me". Doesn't make any sense.

You have to improve your attitude before your prospects will improve.

 

[Audio Tech]

Audio Guy, you seem pretty cool from the posts I've read by you. You had a dream, but there are younger guys out there that like older ones.

I generally have a surfer's attitude, and I like being very laid back.

But I do have my moments of feeling vulnerable and alone. I admit it, I'm as flawed and human as everyone else.

Yeah, that dream really sucked.

As to some of the other posts....

I think I have a liking for younger guys because I never HAD that time in my life. I'd like to have that experience before I settle down. But where ARE those younger guys? I have met quite a few, though they are (so far) all straight. Bad luck?
I also notice that a lot of posts about my negativity come from 20 to 25 years olds. Tell you what, walk in my shoes. Miss out on your youth entirely, and THEN comment. I understand what you are saying, but YOU still have lots of time ahead of you.

I don't dislike older guys at all, just haven't run across one that is my equal yet. (At least none that want to pound me )
I know, that sounds wrong, but I am talking about activity, sports, energy etc. I'm an Ocean person, and that's not for many guys it seems. Like I said, haven't met the right guy... YET.

As to the first sentence... I didn't understand when I was young. I thought I'd have all the time in the world. Then one day you wake up and say "Oh Fuck!"

Especially the young guys that are out and proud today that HAVE someone. I am truly happy for them. And no, they cannot understand. They are SO LUCKY and many don't know or appreciate it.

Anyway, thanks for the replies. I'll be back to my adorable self by morning.

 

[Telstra]

hey i understand ...

to be able to get laid lie your age.
So lie and get laid first and tell the truth later ...

 

[MoltenRock III]

Anyway, thanks for the replies. I'll be back to my adorable self by morning.

You mean you'll bury your true feelings under small talk. Dude, you're 46 years old. There's absolutely nothing you can do to turn back the clock and relive your 20s or 30s. The only thing you can do is not spending your 40s like you spent your 20s and 30s. *shrug*

Getting old happens. But trying to relive your younger days is called a "middle-life crisis" and is sooooo cliche. I'm not trying to be mean but rather to wake you up that you aren't some huge exception, or in some unique situation, on why you didn't come out earlier. You didn't just like Ken Mehlman, and other older gay men. You made an active decision back then, just as you are now. So stop bemoaning your situation. Living with regrets is the worst thing anyone can have, and especially a facet of western religion and belief systems. "Christianity" does a shitty job of preparing you for your eventual mortality. It's time to start living for today dude! Not tomorrow. Not when you lose 10 more lbs. Not when _________________ happens, or when ____________ asks you out on a date. It's your life, live what's left of it as if today is your last.

 

[Audio Tech]

You mean you'll bury your true feelings under small talk. Dude, you're 46 years old. There's absolutely nothing you can do to turn back the clock and relive your 20s or 30s. The only thing you can do is not spending your 40s like you spent your 20s and 30s. *shrug*

Getting old happens. But trying to relive your younger days is called a "middle-life crisis" and is sooooo cliche.

Heh... my 20's and 30's sucked. Seriously, I'm WAYYY better off NOW.

As to the midlife crisis.... I seriously thought that wouldn't happen to me. But yes, I guess it did. At least I know it'll pass.
( I guess I know how my Dad felt when he had HIS )

Anyway.... I'm off to soak in the hot tub.

Night, all.

 

[Audio Tech]

it is easier to find romantic success as a gay man than as a straight man. I am sure.

Well, one more post..... I think you meant that the other way around?

I have had 3 girlfriends in the past, but I was also the one to stop it before it got "serious". I loved them, but I just didn't want to fuck them. But had no trouble at all finding girlfriends that were interested in me. No, they did NOT realize I was Gay at the time.

I really do think women see something very different in us guys than we do. And... yes, the dating pool is much bigger. I have seen some of the ugliest guys with the hottest girls. Baffling.

 

[darling-boy]

I'm unclear as to what you want. @ 32 idk if I'm considered young or old. But I often feel most of the attention I get is just cause guys wanna .... not as glam as it sounds, usually what makes ME feel sad and lonely.

I second this:

focus on all the other things besides age and you may find what you are looking for in real life.

 

[Lube]

I'm 47 and followed your coming out process on JUB, AudioTech. I went through much the same thing 4 years ago at 43, except I was even deeper in the doo-doo (I was married to a woman at the time).

At the time I got much the same feedback on JUB that you seem to be experiencing: forget it, you're over 40, you might as well be dead to the gay world. I got so depressed.

But then I went out into the community. And I found out I was a pretty hot commodity! Sure, lots of guys think I'm some old, washed up fag, but plenty of young guys think I'm hot. A friend who cuts my hair nicknamed me "cub magnet" because young (and not so young) cubs were hot for me.

I've usually dated men and women who were at least 4 years younger than me. Maybe I exude "Daddyness"? Ok, so you said you're not into that. But maybe you're taking that a little too seriously.

But I was never looking for a particular age. I just hit it off with people whose personality I clicked with, and who I thought were hot. I had an open mind.

And you know what? I ended up with a guy 15 years older than me. I was as surprised as anyone else. But he's a hot, athletic, former powerlifter. He can bench press one and a half of me. Did I mention he's great in bed and a super sweet guy?

You mentioned you're around a lot of straight young men. Why aren't you around gay young men? Are you putting yourself out there? And I don't just mean online.