Ok! BAD BAD BAD!!! Need HELP!

[gantpete]

Okay, so I gay and I met (met as a friend, not sexually) this guy during Freshmen year of college and he was a pretty cute and really cool dude.

We became really good friends and I recently moved in with him (just me and him) to an apartment near our campus. I consider him like a brother now, but that's as far as it goes and as far as I want it to go. He is 100% straight and he has a girlfriend.

Now here's the first problem: I kinda like him now...

Now here's the BIGGER problem: He sometimes like to run around naked in our apartment and sometimes he likes to wrestle with me. He likes to play around a lot (physically, such as wrestling), but he's TOTALLY straight.

I know that some of you might think that the playing around that he does is a sign of him being gay or being curious, but it's NOT! He is straight and he has a girlfriend!

Now, I know that you think that I should come out to him, but here's the biggest problem:

He's a Christian and he thinks that I'm a Christian as well. We go to the same church, but I'm not going because of him. I think I'm going because I've been going all my life and I've never come out to anyone.

Anyway, my religion is a story for some other time...The reason this is a problem is because if I come out to him, he won't approve of me being gay and he will definitely change his attitude and stuff around me. He won't move out or ask me to move out or stop being my friend. I think it'll just be a bit awkward and stuff if I do come out and I don't want that. I want him to act like he always would.

And yes I know that the running around naked and playing around/physical contact may not seem like Christian behavior, but we're pretty lax/liberal and we go to a pretty lax church. And please, please! Do not think that me or my roommate goes around preaching "God hates fags!" I don't think that and neither does he.

So there's my problem. I don't know what to do and I wanted some advice from fellow gay people I guess! And I know that I'm living a total lie or whatever, but I just don't know what to do! HELP!

 

[p700granat]

You seem to worry a lot about what we think about you & your friends. Please don't. There are too many cases like this on this forum, and many of us had very similar experience. As of whether to come out him, it's really your choice, and I'm sure you can make a good decision yourself since you can obviously seperate facts from feelings (not everyone here can). Personally I come out to people who I think needs to know. This is probably a minority opinion here, but I don't think most people around me need to know my sexual orientation. Saves me explanation, awkwardness and potentially trouble. In your case it seems to me that there isn't very much benefit by coming out to your friend. And if you do, it may be more awkward when he walks around naked and be physical with you. Anyway, good luck and keep us updated.

 

[StlKj]

As p700granat pointed out, you worry far too much what others think of you. What is most important is what YOU think of you, and you don't seem to have a very high opinion of yourself if you analyze every little behavior and assume others will judge you for it. Just shows that you're doing all the judging of yourself that you can--don't project it onto us.

As he is your roommate, you must give consideration to how you want to live. Are you worried about him finding out you're gay by anything he might see in the surroundings? Do you edit yourself around him so that he does not suspect? Are you planning on trying to date? Would you ever want to bring a guy back to your place?

If you're comfortable being yourself and not telling him while living with him, then go for it. If you can't be yourself in your own home, then you might want to give serious thought to being truthful so you don't have to lie in the one place where you should be able to fully be yourself.

But then, if you project your judgment of yourself onto him like you did us, you'll never take that step. Be kind to you.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

The only way to really get over these feelings are to put a bit of distance between you. Since you live together, that's going to be problematic. But as long as he's dangling (ahem) eye candy in front of you, and wrestling you, it's going to be well-nigh impossible to just "get over him".

If you don't want to come out to him, that's understandable. But if you see him walking around naked, despite how much you presumably like the view, tell him to cut it out. Just tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and ask him to restrict his nudity to his own room. Also, next time he wants to wrestle, beg off. Say you're tired, unhappy, whatever.

Do know, however, that you've put yourself in a position where you're going to have to "live the lie" for the foreseeable future. Even if you do meet a guy, and you hit it off, you're going to have to do some lying and sneaking around in an attempt to keep your roomie from discovering the "awful truth". And frankly, that's no way to live.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Congrats on your first post.

Your friend is straight. And a Christian. Straight guys like to wrestle. Straight guys like to be naked. Even Christian straight guys like these things.

But this isn't about your friend/roommate. It's about you.

So, where are you in your coming out process?

 

[greekdude]

Some straight guys like to show off their bodies to other guys, it doesn't mean they have gay tendencies. Also wrestling is just a type of bonding with other male friends for them. But it's also part exhibitionism and part a desire to show off their sexuality. It doesn't mean they want sex or expect sex with you, they're just being themselves.

The Christian part shouldn't really be a problem unless he comes across as one of those fundamentalist religious people. Most Christians are normal and reasonable when it comes to sexuality. If you never heard him being judgemental about people's morality, I wouldn't be too concerned.

 

[gantpete]

Hey! Thanks for replying to my post!

The problem really isn't the fact that I sorta like him. It's that I'm not sure how I should act around him right now. Like, I'm scared he's gonna try to wrestle me again and then I'll get a hard-on that won't go down...

 

[GBirdie]

Well well.... as the others have said.... they're pretty much correct, as for suggestions, here are what I can think of.

First of all, you'll have to be sure WHETHER or NOT you're gonna be coming out.... to him or to anyone else. (I'd make him the first one if I were you, since you see him everyday, you seem to be pretty close to him, so I'll deal with someone like that first).

If you're not gonna come out, then you can do just what Lex said, tell him to cut off his plays and 'ban' him from doing those stuff.... Otherwise... you could just come out to him, which I guess indirectly would carry the meaning "Erm, I'm gay, and if you don't want anything to happen to you, I'd appreciate if you stop all this"


I guess I'll have to say you HAVE to give up and get over with his playfulness and the rest if you're not able to control yourself. But most importantly, you don't wanna lose him as a friend do you?

 

[gantpete]

So, I came out to my roommate yesterday evening!

He told me to move out...




No, no! I'm totally kidding!

He was really cool about it actually! In fact, he actually told me that he sorta suspected that I was gay and suspected that I sorta liked him.

He said that he wouldn't change his behavior around me or stop all the things that he used to do if I didn't want him to--as long as I don't try anything clever.

He said that he's not sure how he feels about the whole Christianity and gay thing, but said that he's gonna be my friend no matter what.

 

[G-Lexington]

Excellent. I'd still try to avoid ogling his naked gymnastics as much as possible. There's only so long you can put the cake next to a dieter before he's gonna want to run his finger through the icing, if you catch my drift.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Once more for the record.

Christ has nothing to say on the subject of boys fucking.

Paul is the only apostle who seemed to find it worthy of mention in his postcards home, but how come no one says, 'wait a minute, if three out of four didn't have an issue with it, why is being a homo wrong?' Even Paul couldn't put it in the way of entering the Kingdom of heaven.

ANyway, love your roomie like a brother. Don't let him pull a three beer queer act on you and then come off all guilty. Just have fun. He sounds like a fine guy.