Ok ...can Anyone Explain It All To Me ?

[Royal Heart]

He posted a question and we responded, then we were attacked and insulted by him simply because we didn't agree with him and even when we did agree with him. He's the one being a complete jackass.

Retaliating because he reacted in a way you would've rather he didn't doesn't make the retaliation right or even preferable. Again, we're not 12 years old anymore, we don't have to respond to unkind words with unkind words. Have you ever actually known that to work anyway?

Most of the responses back to him, even before he replied, were pretty bitchy. I can't imagine why that wouldn't piss him off. Responding first with "get over yourself" and "How DARE those big fem guys just be themselves in public?" and "Read the bolded portion over and over again. Then read your post. If you don't see the disconnect, i'll be happy to oblige you." should make it pretty clear why he reacted the way he did.

He frustrated to begin with, comes in here to ask some questions, and then receives reactionary childish sarcasm like that. Then, instead of trying to diffuse the frustration, posters exacerbate it by continuing to respond with yet more sarcasm, as though throwing gasoline on a fire will help to snuff it out.

It's silly to expect that someone who's having sarcasm thrown at them will react well to it.

 

[Royal Heart]

What he wrote was fairly idiotic. He was asking for it.

So everytime someone does or says anything idiotic, then the proper response is to attack them without mercy? Then why is 90% of the human race still here? We're an entire species devoted to epic feats of stupid and we actually usually reward and encourage it.

 

[gsdx]

Retaliating because he reacted in a way you would've rather he didn't doesn't make the retaliation right or even preferable. Again, we're not 12 years old anymore, we don't have to respond to unkind words with unkind words. Have you ever actually known that to work anyway?

And I refuse to sit back and be insulted by someone who insults me and acts like a 12-year-old.

Did you not read his response to my post? I told him that the 'queen' in his original post was merely expressing himself much like the people in the website I linked to. Not only did he agree with me (which I sincerely believe he didn't even realise he was doing), but then he accused me of 'name-calling'.

And you're defending him and telling me that I'm the one who's acting like a 12-year-old? I don't think so.

Now, just where was that "reactionary childish sarcasm" you accused me of posting?

 

[TickTockMan]

So everytime someone does or says anything idiotic, then the proper response is to attack them without mercy? Then why is 90% of the human race still here? We're an entire species devoted to epic feats of stupid and we actually usually reward and encourage it.

Why wouldn't we still be here? You're rambling.

 

[Royal Heart]

And I refuse to sit back and be insulted by someone who insults me and acts like a 12-year-old.

Which is your choice, and that's fine. I have no use for it, personally. If someone wants to act in a way befitting a child and insult me, good for them. I'm not going to respond to them in kind. What they think of me isn't really about me anyway, it's about them. Besides, insulting them back will only result in more insults coming my way and it just escalates into something absurd.

And you're defending him and telling me that I'm the one who's acting like a 12-year-old? I don't think so.

I apologize if I gave that impression. The way he responded wasn't appropriate, but neither was the way he was responded to both before and after his replies. And, yes, if someone insults you and you insult them back then you are acting childish. I'm not saying that's a bad thing necessarily. It's entirely up to you if you're comfortable with that. If you are, that's great. If you're not, then I needn't go any further.

Now, just where was that "reactionary childish sarcasm" you accused me of posting?

I wasn't accusing you specifically of childish sarcasm, I was pointing out that other posters were throwing that around prior to your first reply to guesshoo, and prior to his first response back to the other posters. The childish sarcasm remark had nothing to do with you personally.

 

[Royal Heart]

Why wouldn't we still be here? You're rambling.

Your premise was that stupid people get what they deserve, and it was in the context of people who do stupid things being attacked for it is appropriate. So if the proper response to someone doing something stupid is to attack them, then it's a wonder the human race has survived to this day.

Doing stupid things is the hallmark of our species. We do them every minute of every hour of every day. By all reason the majority of the human race should have been beaten to death by now.

 

[Royal Heart]

For future reference, please refrain from gossiping about moi behind my back, as if I'm not here. You were only jealous because it would have taken you a day and a half to put those pants on and it only took me 30 seconds. The makeup was simply to enhance my delicate features. The blouse costs more than you make in a year and the platforms were from Halloween when I dressed as Cher. Besides, I have a natural arch. (Thanks, mom.) Furthermore, I don't try to draw attention. I demand attention. Don't be hating...call ya tomorrow.

Win! You're made of awesome!

 

[TickTockMan]

Your premise was that stupid people get what they deserve, and it was in the context of people who do stupid things being attacked for it is appropriate. So if the proper response to someone doing something stupid is to attack them, then it's a wonder the human race has survived to this day.

Doing stupid things is the hallmark of our species. We do them every minute of every hour of every day. By all reason the majority of the human race should have been beaten to death by now.

So you're saying that saying someone did something stupid is the same as if I beat him to death? Okay.

 

[Royal Heart]

So you're saying that saying someone did something stupid is the same as if I beat him to death? Okay.

Actually that's what you were saying. Or, rather, implying.

 

[TickTockMan]

Actually that's what you were saying. Or, rather, implying.

You need to go back on your meds. You make no sense.

 

[bankside]

Mkay, the real question is,

Why aren't more straight guys trying to act feminine?

Who said men or women have to act a certain way? We don't make women wear skirts any more. Men have freedom too.

And most people don't pick me out, or if they do it is based on me not knowing a shit about sports. So, my straight guy friends who also don't give a damn about sports are also "suspected."

It just doesn't work that way. Every guy is his own man. Or woman.

 

[TickTockMan]

STOP MOCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE MEDICATED. You're just prejudiced against all of us because we're not society's ideal of normal! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

No. I'm pissed because I'm not medicated!


By the way, being medicated is society's ideal of normal anymore.

 

[josher]

I suspect the OP's bottom line is that he wouldn't want anyone to know he's attracted to men, because he fears being associated with feminine gay men.

To which I respond: then stick to women. The gay community doesn't really need to be subjected to your homophobia. We get quite enough of that from straight people.

 

[Ragoris]

Well uh, I have no problem with fems or anything... but I prefer masculine men myself. Haven't really read the entire topic yet but just thought I'd throw that out there...

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, I don't mind laying out the explanation in a calm rational manner. (I attempted to do so above.) But I also don't mind people blowing a gasket over this sort of thing. It's a natural reaction. Probably the only reason I managed to write a more measured response was that I first read the post on my phone, where a smartass response would've been really difficult to post. I had to wait until I got to my computer to respond, at which point I'd mellowed out a bit. (Only a bit - dinner hadn't been served yet.)

Yes, it'd be best - in an ideal world - if we could respond to ignorant comments by patiently educating the uninformed. But I can't blame people for acting human.

Lex

 

[Royal Heart]

Why aren't more straight guys trying to act feminine?

I think that's an interesting question to pose which turns the topic on it's head.

Who said men or women have to act a certain way?

That's a really complicated question because we know most of our ideas about gender-specific behavior are societal because they vary across the board. Yet there's also very common trends for genders across cultures which previously had no contact. So it appears to be a muddled combination of genetics and environment. Being a woman in itself won't make you wear a dress and put on makeup, but have you ever known any ancient culture wherein the women did not attempt to make themselves look beautiful?

It just doesn't work that way. Every guy is his own man. Or woman.

Yes and no. We're encouraged to be individuals, but within certain limitations. There are still enormous social norms we have to adhere to in order to be accepted by our peers, whomever they may be. Even if you're a "freak", you tend to group with other "freaks" and you thus adhere to the norms of freakdom, even though those norms stand apart from the ones you were expected to fall into.

The phrase, "You're unique just like everybody else" is actually quite insightful. We're deeply social creatures and have a fundamental need to belong to a group (it's actually hard-wired into primates' genomes and serves as a survival instinct). So no matter how "unique" someone tries to be they will also be trying damn hard to fit in with whatever group that person believes they should be accepted by.

It's strange and seems counterintuitive but it's perfectly sensible.

 

[Royal Heart]

Oh, i'm sorry, am i supposed to coddle to someone who starts off by saying "why do so many gays act feminine?" as if it's an act, they he goes to call them names, and THEN he goes on to BLAME feminine men for the "rest of us" not being accepted by society?

Yes, because that someone is clearly misinformed and needs to be educated instead of ridiculed. Flaming that person isn't going to clear up their misinformation, it's just going to perpetuate a negative perception of us as a group. So, yes, you are supposed to rise above it and deal with it in a way that betters everyone instead of just strokes your ego for a cheap thrill.

Buddy, you're crazy if you think i'm going to approach a grown man as if he's a child.

Yet by retaliating with insults and put-downs right back then you, yourself, have become a child in a grown man's body. You are becoming the very thing you're fighting against, which again does not actually solve the problem but just makes it worse.

Yeah, you're right, i DID tell him to re-read his post and the highlighted sentence after he made the statement about the STRAIGHT examples i pulled up just "expressing themselves". Why should gay men - and by that i mean, feminine men - have to tone it down, for you? It wasn't sarcasm(none of my post was), it was a statement.

It wasn't very helpful, though. If he realized what he actually wrote in the first place then there wouldn't be any need to point it out to him. Since he didn't, then saying "re-read your sentence" isn't going to make him understand. You have to highlight what he wrote then explain why it is mistaken. You can't just say "that's wrong." You have to show him why it's wrong so he doesn't make the same mistake again. Otherwise the problem is still there.

Just like OJ Simpson and Micheal Vick don't paint the picture of all black people, feminine guys don't paint the picture of all gay men. End of.

Then this point needs to be explained to him instead of hidden beneath layers of unnecessary sarcasm and flaming back-handed remarks.

 

[Royal Heart]

Yes, it'd be best - in an ideal world - if we could respond to ignorant comments by patiently educating the uninformed. But I can't blame people for acting human.

I agree with you. I don't blame them for acting the way they do, either, because blame is useless. I think efficacious ways to dispel misconceptions and promote progressive dialogue should be encouraged over taking misinformed comments or questions from a complete stranger on the internet personally.

If we never work towards a better or ideal world, then it'll never happen, and we'll just continue to roll around in the same complacent garbage until we eat ourselves to death.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I think efficacious ways to dispel misconceptions and promote progressive dialogue should be encouraged over taking misinformed comments or questions from a complete stranger on the internet personally.

As a matter of personal preference, I also endeavor to minimize the grandiosity of my vocabulary, as perchance such shenanigans may be misconstrued as obfuscation and/or garrulousness by the hoi polloi. But, y'know, that's me.

Lex

 

[Royal Heart]

>>>I think efficacious ways to dispel misconceptions and promote progressive dialogue should be encouraged over taking misinformed comments or questions from a complete stranger on the internet personally.

As a matter of personal preference, I also endeavor to minimize the grandiosity of my vocabulary, as perchance such shenanigans may be misconstrued as obfuscation and/or garrulousness by the hoi polloi. But, y'know, that's me.

Lex

Sorry about that, I was over-caffeinated and over-tired. There's a Thesaurus Monster who lives in my brain and only comes out when my mental defenses have been worn down by lack of sleep.