ok, I wanna get laid - but how?

[easyroad]

So, I'm 23 years old and never had anything sexual with a man before (well, unless you consider this mess...). And now I've decided that I want it. Bad.

But I find myself either with little options or stunned by my own fear. I could go to a gay club, but the thought of going alone terrifies me - and that's my only option since I have no gay friends and live in a place where going ANYWHERE alone is dangerous, what's to say of a gay club.

So it's either that or the easy scene, of guys who share MSNs in orkut communities to fool around with each other. I even came this close to send my email to a total stranger because he might share some tips - or, who knows?, maybe do it with me? But it's just too weird for me. Too reckless.

And then I think: I can postpone sex. Life is good, I have a plan for the next few years and it's going well. I'm studying hard, meeting new people and my prospects are good. I can perfectly well wank away during the difficult times and then pursue sex when I'm financially stable... right?

I don't know. Guess I need some reassurance...

 

[Southwest85]

I live in Metro Detroit and I've frequently gone to the area's gay clubs – located in less-than-desirable areas – alone. In fairness, as a former student at a university within Detroit city limits, I've traveled many undesirable parts of the city alone and nothing's ever happened. And chances are, nothing ever will. I don't know where you're located, but chances are it's not nearly as bad.

If you're unwilling to meet-up at a club, then try one of the plethora of hook-up websites. The problem with the latter is that too many people lie about their appearance, calling themselves a boi and sending you their high school senior picture when they're actually 30. Camming provides a defense against this. It won't provide a defense against the other problem, which is hustlers. Most hustling is minor – you'll be asked to bring a small-ticket item over (usually drugs, a large case of alcohol and/or multiple packs of cigarettes) but then get shut-out some how once they get the item. Other hustlers will request cash for sex once you show up (even guys that are significantly less attractive that you!!) – some will do it straight up, others will let you in and build your interest. At their most extreme, hustlers will rob you.

You can avoid hustlers by ignoring anybody who asks you to bring something over or tries to get you to bring cash (for dinner, alcohol, whatever their excuse is!) and following your intuition. And if you do meet up, leave all valuables, cash & credit behind! Going home with somebody from a club is often more safer, since most hustlers can find prey easier. Although personally I prefer hook-up websites solely because I have a twink appearance and therefore most guys assume I'm a bottom when I'm mostly a top.

If these methods are too taboo for you, there's always the hope of building an organic relationship – in which odds favor will disintegrate before long. Honestly, finding a sex partner is easy. Within minutes of signing onto A4A, I usually get a handful of messages. Yet I have an incredibly difficult time making friends and getting people to hang out with me...

 

[landers]

If you do try a hookup site, my advice is don't rush into it, especially if you intend to bottom. Make sure you find someone who knows it's your first time and if you're going to bottom, someone who will take his time. Your first time getting fucked doesn't have to hurt and it doesn't have to be a "one time, let's get it over with it's going to suck anyway."

 

[racer2438]

You never know who or what you get in those hook up sites....so be carefull and play SAFE

 

[KaraBulut]

Given your history, you would probably crawl before you walk or before you try to run a marathon.

Get out. Meet people. Make some gay friends. Date. Kiss. Get naked. Explore.

The rest will happen on its own time.

 

[easyroad]

I live in Metro Detroit and I've frequently gone to the area's gay clubs – located in less-than-desirable areas – alone. In fairness, as a former student at a university within Detroit city limits, I've traveled many undesirable parts of the city alone and nothing's ever happened. And chances are, nothing ever will. I don't know where you're located, but chances are it's not nearly as bad.

Well, I live in Brazil, so it's bad! But to be honest with you, that's not the only thing that scares me. My social awkwardness plays a considerable part in it too... did you go alone to a gay club on the first time?

If these methods are too taboo for you, there's always the hope of building an organic relationship – in which odds favor will disintegrate before long. Honestly, finding a sex partner is easy. Within minutes of signing onto A4A, I usually get a handful of messages. Yet I have an incredibly difficult time making friends and getting people to hang out with me...

Yeah, I have the exact same problem. Sex would put down the fire, but a friend would be much more valuable...

 

[erstwhile]

I would say that getting laid for the sake of getting laid really isn't going to fill in any blanks for you.

I definitely like KaraBulut's advice. Take baby steps and get yourself out there and acquainted with other guys. Then the dominoes will start falling in place and you'll end up with someone you actually may *want* to be with, instead of just a hookup.

 

[Seasoned]

Do not put yourself in danger in order to have sex, the problem being that the sex/danger combination is so powerful it could become addictive. Do what you can to join some group. Think about this, if you are toying with the idea of being somewhere were you could get mugged or worse you could find the courage to walk into a room and say hi.

Join a theater group. You don't have to act. There's plenty to do to help out. Not everyone there will be gay, but they all ought to be accepting.

When telling you to stay out of dark alleys I am speaking from experience. I'm introverted and when I tell that to friends who have known me for 30 years they burst out laughing. I did the secret think until I forced myself to be social, one baby step at a time.

Good luck on your journey. Have a safer plan to meet someone. That seed of desire will continue to grow even if you masturbate to quiet it down. I'm writing that from experience.

 

[backseatboy]

Well, I live in Brazil, so it's bad! But to be honest with you, that's not the only thing that scares me. My social awkwardness plays a considerable part in it too... did you go alone to a gay club on the first time?



Yeah, I have the exact same problem. Sex would put down the fire, but a friend would be much more valuable...

I've been living in Cape Town for the past 4 months and have gone out countless times alone. Walked the streets, danced my ass off until 5am, alone. I met many people at the bar, and just had fun on the dance floor, got their number and chatted (sober) before hooking up.

South Africa, like Brazil isn't the safest place. But, just be smart! Get rides/taxi door to door. Don't get so drunk that you can't get yourself out of an unwanted situation. And relax! People that could cause harm to ya can smell fear from a mile away.

I kinda had the same start as you. Wanting to go to clubs, but was afriad, and didn't know anyone. Resorted to the internet (manhunt) and actually found a good guy to introduce me to sex. I think the internet can be as dangerous as going out without being smart about it.

Think smart, be safe, and I think you will have all the fun you want.

 

[Southwest85]

Well, I live in Brazil, so it's bad! But to be honest with you, that's not the only thing that scares me. My social awkwardness plays a considerable part in it too... did you go alone to a gay club on the first time?

Nearly all of my visits to gay clubs have been by myself (honestly, I have no friends – just a few acquaintances – and whenever I go out, it's almost always by myself). And like I said, nearly all the gay clubs in my area are in the ghetto. I'm nervous that I will find my car on blocks, but I've never feared for my personal safety (but I avoid the surrounding neighborhood).

I usually have a good time at the clubs: I get hit on, (usually older) guys buy me drinks and more than anything I enjoy people watching but like you, I suffer for social ackwardness. My problem is that I'm a boyish, bubbly twink and therefore I attract guys who want to fuck me... but I'm a top and urge for ass! Thus, it's easier for me to find a sex partner ontime.

Like I said, your biggest concern with online hook-ups is guys misrepresenting themselves (either physically or sexually... e.g. you identify as a bottom but they ask you to fuck them); minor hustling occurs from time to time but major crimes are rare. Just follow your intuition... just minutes ago I logged onto A4A and the first response I received was from somebody who claimed to be an 18yo jock with a picture of “himself” in old-school Fruit of the Loom underwear (the italicized FTL waistband that hasn't been used in like a decade). I guarantee you that's not his picture...