ok well I rewrote this so lets see what you guys think?

[heritic33]

Thanks for stopping in a lot of this has already been figured out so really the next problem I need help with is figuring what is the next step, honestly I think I’m going to just sit back and let him if he ever does make the next move.

Anyways here’s the problem I did have:
One of my closest friends named Paul is straight and I could not get over him. I have tried and tried to get over him but its been impossible. I don’t want to cut him from my life because over this past week after coming out to him. We have grown close as friends and not just like “friends” real actual friends. There’s so many aspects to this story. The first problem is that I really think he’s gay. Right now he’s straight but there is a possibility that he is gay. Here were the reasons Originally why I thought he was gay:

1. He would flirt with me. (One time I was at our friend David’s house and David fell asleep. Paul looks at David and then looks at me. All of a sudden he pushes me I push back we're sitting on the couch. Paul then bits me and then I bit him, after a while I begin to lose it, so I lean close and almost kiss him but he gets up quickly and says ok this is getting gay. The next day he told David and made it sound like I was the one who started the whole thing and that Paul was the victim. What I do not under stand is why would any fucken “straight” guy bite another guy.

2. Paul is always does shit like hugs other guys
3. He’s sensitive
4. He's also very homophobic (Turns out there’s more to this Ill tell you guys later).
5. Says that something is gay quite often more then everyone else
6. One time I stayed over at his house with him and David there. David passes out again and then Paul puts his arm around me.
7. Another time I stayed over at Paul’s house and tickled him to see what he would do and he at first enjoyed it. After about ten minuets he told me wait this is pretty gay.
8. He has a tendency to touch me and David a lot. Not in a sexual way though.
9. One time he got a broom and was touching David and I on the crotch freaking my friend out. Paul continued to keep touching ups and playing about it was a bit weird. While he was touching us with the broom he basically kept brushing it up against our crotches.
10. One time he randomly picked me up and started to hold me.
11. Very picky when it comes to woman. Some what more so then David and David has the body, personality and looks to get woman. Paul aims way too high and lacks the body and isn’t the most attractive guy out there. He’s a bit on the cubby side.
12. Picks about woman to make them seem less hot.
13. Paul admitted that if a gay guy liked him he would be happy.
14. He saw a picture of David’s cousin and said David’s cousin is cute.
15. Into a lot of girly movies.
16. He’s shy and likes girls mainly when they say hi and introduce themselves and pay attention to him.

Turns out he is afraid of being and becoming homosexual. Last night I talked to him and found out he is afraid of people thinking he’s gay because of me. Which makes him feel like he’s challenged. When I told him Paul felt like he had to go find a girl friend though he has never had one. He wont hang out with any of my gay friends because he’s afraid to get hit on. One problem he’s having is that he does not want to be told by another guy that they like Paul because Paul is afraid that he may start liking another guy because they may start being nice to him and show him interest. He’s also afraid because apparently his mind and thoughts wander a lot and well he’s afraid there could be a possibility that he may turn or be gay. While I was trying to help him, We’d be talking and I’d tell him, I think you’re straight why would you think your gay? A few minuets later he would be talking to me and then say, no I don’t like guys I like girls, acting as if I was arguing with him telling him he‘s gay. He told me he has to keep telling him self he’s straight. I told him if he’s not gay he shouldn’t have to tell him self he’s straight. He also told me he knows he’s straight because of how pretty girls are and he wouldn’t know why he would want to give that up. I told him I never said you weren’t straight. The whole night he kept doing this. I also told him what does he have to prove. Basically he’s afraid because I still have to tell David that I like guys and Paul’s afraid David’s going to question Paul and then that’s going to make Paul wonder if he him self is gay again.

Hope this made sense sorry it’s so much if you guys have any idea’s what I should do now let me know. Basically I don’t know what to think anymore. Seam’s Paul is questioning himself a bit and I don’t know its almost like he is gay and just isn’t gay yet? Or he is bi or may be gay in the future (Straight now/gay later).

 

[rareboy]

I'll post the same answer as in the other thread; you don't need to respond to the first part.

Move on. Don't waste your time with Paul. Let him figure things out on his own. Once he no longer has your constant attention, he may come to terms with his own sexuality.

There are a million Pauls out there and if they can't feel completely comfortable with you then they really aren't the best 'friends' to have around.

Ask yourself why you really want him around. Is it because he's a good friend or you just hope his guard will be down one day and you can fuck him?

Pay attention to this part:

He also told me he knows he’s straight

Out of respect for him and yourself; you have to leave it at that. Period. Full stop. Stop obsessing and trying to force him to come out. Back off. Or you'll lose him as a friend entirely.

At the same time, don't let him play you. If he's banging the chicks but getting his full time adoration and support for his ego from you, run like hell.

 

[jaydizzo]

by the sounds of it he is uncomfortable with his sexuality, really uncomfortable. He seems unsecure as to what people think of him or might think of him.

If anything i would say bi, with gay tendacies. Give him some time he will eventually come around, dont feel like you need to pressure him. And when he does come around definitely be there for him.

Dont be too overbearing but pull him aside again one day and just talk to him about how he feels about his sexuality, and as most friends are let him know that whatever you talk about stays between you two. If he does come around let him know about JUB if he has any other questions this is an excellent place to start.

Good luck i wish the best for you and your friend.

 

[HartfordGuy]

Yup. Most of know a guy like him.

Sexually they are confused. Is it worth hanging around to see if they come out? NO WAY!

Many times these guys don't come out. Some even knock up a girl or even get married. Often cheating on them many years later.

Your friend is obviously very comfortable around guys. But he can't overcome the stigma of being gay.

But here is the real kicker. Even if he does come out of the closet soon, there is still nothing you can do about it. He may not want to be your boyfriend. He may want to run out and fuck anything with a pulse. There are no rules to attraction. Just because he likes you as a friend doesn't mean he will run into your arms one day.

That doesn't mean sex. He may let you blow him, but to him that would be just expirementing. Or just messing around between buddies.

These guys are the most frustrating of all. Don't wait for him. Don't stand by close and get all frustrated. Yes you can be his friend, but have no expectations.

 

[KaraBulut]

heritic33:

Your post talks a lot about your friend.

You said nothing about yourself. The question I have for you is, "How does the question whether or not your friend is gay affect you?"

I think the answer to that question is really what this whole thing is about, isn't it?

 

[bluebc]

If you truly respect your friendship with him, then you must respect his privacy. He may be sexually confused or not. If he is gay/bi and not ready to come out yet, then let it be until he comes to terms with it. It seems the real issue here is not whether Paul is gay/bi or straight. It's your strong attraction (obsession?) towards him. Is it possible that you want to either out him or him to come out soon so you can have an intimate relationship with him already? Don't let your desire towards Paul ruin a good friendship. Your choice...

 

[G-Lexington]

I stand by my original advice.

If you make a major play for him, there's a chance that he'd respond. The odds are definitely not in your favor, I'd say.

If you make a major play for him, and he responds, there's a chance that, the next morning, he'll realize that what he did was totally cool, and you can both remain friends (or more), and there won't be any awkwardness or forced distance. Again, the odds are really against you on that.

So here's where you stand. You have some emotional "chips" with this guy. You can, if you want, bet it all on double-zero green. You can make a major play for this guy, and hopefully, he'll respond, decide he really isn't straight, and you've got yourself an amazing boyfriend and lover.

That's if double-zero green comes up.

There's a much MUCH greater chance that it won't. In which case, you lose everything. Not just your chance of getting physical with this guy, but your entire friendship with him, and perhaps all of your shared friends as well. All swept away by the croupier, never to be recovered.

My gut feeling? Walk. Look for better odds.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

Thanks everyone, After reading everything alot of the advice I have gotten has helped. I will try and move on because he is a great great great person and I dont want to lose his friendship over anything. I will just keep in midn that somewhere down the road thier could be a possiblity if he turns out gay he will more than likely come talk to me he's told me alot of shit already and told me if he keeps feelign uncomfortable he will talk to me. I much reather keep him in my life and have a great friendship with someone who I can respect and they can do the same then lose everything. Do any of you think theres a chance if I just leave it as it is. He may turn out gay anyways?

 

[StlKj]

It's not a matter of whether or not he'll turn out gay if you just leave it the way it is. He's either gay, or he isn't. You can press the issue, or you can pressure him, but it won't make him any straighter or gayer. It may, however, make him act straighter out of fear.

He knows you're gay. He knows you care. He knows he can talk to you if he needs to. Now move on. Find someone you can be interested in romantically who will be interested in you. This might serve not only to make him a little jealous, but it might also help him see that a guy can have a relationship with another guy.

But find someone for you, not for whatever reaction you're hoping to get from him.

 

[heritic33]

smart youre right, theres just three problems right now: A: Paul is tecniqually my idea of perfect. He has everything I want in a man and I mean EVERYTHING. I love everythign about the man and well thats the first one.
B: The town I live in has such a small scene that everyone sleeps with everyone and I dont want that.
C: Because the scene is so small I cant seem to find guys that are my type, its very diffcult and almost impossible.
D: Ive been told to move to another town but I cant and by the time I do most of my prime will have be gone and well Im sick of waiting for someone. THe only person id wait for is paul mainly because so far theres no one to move on to. Every time I try it seems either the guys arent interested in me or Thier not my type.