Okay, now for the easy part

[AaronG]

This question should be a hanging curveball...

How does a quiet guy who doesn't like to be the center of attention tell the world he's gay?

I'm already out to my parents and a few friends. That went as well as could be expected. There are a couple more more folks who get the one-on-one deal but mostly the important people know (however, no one in my new hometown knows - moved a few months ago).

Now, I'm starting to seriously consider coming out in general - at least, to anyone who cares to know. But I don't have the slightest idea how. Does it have to be a "Big Annoucement?" Is there a more low-key way to get the message across (like picking the biggest gossip I can find and having them do the work for me )? For now, the people who know aren't letting the secret out, but that could change if I told them to.

I'm not totally ready, but a major roadblock is worrying about the logistics of it (I'm becoming a worrier!), and if I could settle that it would make me feel a lot better about the idea.

I know y'all are a thoughtful, creative bunch - what are your ideas?

 

[looseliam]

One step at a time.

When someone asks "have you a girlfriend" I reply "I haven't found the right guy yet."

Small things like that.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

Hi Aaron,
You have already come out to the people you most care about (I hope). That itslef takes a lot of courage. According to me, you don't need to tell all that you are gay.
However, if this is important to you, then you can talk about with the people you meet, or put it in your blog which everyone would read, or put it as part pf your self when you come online, etc.

You need to be sure that, that's what you want. That's all that is important. Otherwise why bother what others are thinking about you....
Take care.

 

[AaronG]

Thanks guys. Newkid, the only really important people who don't know are my siblings. We live far away from one another, so that one has waited for a while. My extended family doesn't know either, but most of them can just hear through the grapevine as far as I'm concerned.

I know that there's no rule that says I have to come out to everyone, I just think I want to. I'm tired of people assuming I'm something that I'm not.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Aaron

Congrats on your steps so far mate...awesome work!!!

Just be yourself. Just be open and honest. Just use the same traits that got you this far with flying colours...dont lie...dont hide.

You dont need to make an announcement. For some they just wont care and for others it will be a shrug of the shoulders. Some might even say we thought so. In reality there is no need to tell people this...and honestly its information that some people may not want to know.

I understand your need to express your honesty and your openness. Its admirable...no its great. But you need to figure out what you want from the experience...

Find your true love. Bring him home to meet the folks, your friends and colleagues. In finding your own happiness you will achieve all your goals. People will see and they will talk. Most will be far happier to see you happy and in love than you imagine. Thats the important stuff. It wont take long and people will know. They will see you for the guy you are...caring loving and open. The fact that you are gay will be a mere detail.

Aaron, you are already loved accepted and cherished. You're real value is within you...now what others may think about you. You dont need others opinions or acceptance to know that you are an incredible human being with huge value and potential. Your ability to love and respect is all you.

Live your life mate. Achieve your potential. Be all you can be and all you are. Love to the full. And trust me..the world will see...and they will know. You wont have to say a thing

 

[spreadeagle]

Get a pink triangle or rainbow flag lapel button.

 

[Lube]

What LooseLiam said.

What he and others here at JUB have taught me is that 'coming out' means never having to say the word 'gay'.

How do you know that someone is str8? Do they come up to you and say, "Hi, I'm Joe and I'm str8."?! No, you figure it out by context. They talk about what they did with their girlfriend over the weekend. Or when talking about movies or TV, they'll say what their date found funny about a particular scene. Or, as LooseLiam said, they'll mention they haven't found the right one yet.

Coming out isn't about informing people or lecturing people or anything like that. It's about being yourself, and not being afraid to casually mention in daily chit-chat things that you are doing with your date or boyfriend. Talking about rollercoasters at work? "I dated this guy once who rode every roller coaster in town..." blah blah blah. Just work it into your conversation. They'll get the picture pretty quickly.

It's a nice way to come out to people because it's sort of unexpected and it's also about talking about people and relationships rather than . . . SEX. It freaks people out less when you're talking about a human being, rather than informing them that you like GAY SEX.

Good luck.

 

[Lube]

And in some ways it's a lot easier for you.

If you think it's awkward for you, imagine what it's been like for us former closeted, married guys. Imagine talking to a friend or relative that you've known for 20 or 30 years--who's known you as a married guy--and have to tell them that you're gay. It's much harder to work into a casual conversation, because they have certain expectations based on past behavior and knowing your wife, etc.

Now that's awkward. LOL. But I've done it.

Trust me. Your coming out will be easier.

 

[Elwood]

Do you really feel the need to announce it? If the people who you care about know thats what matters . I would say from here on in just be truthful with everyone else. Like me the people I care about know and from here on in I will just be truthful if the situation comes up. If someone were to ask me I would tell them the truth, I no longer hide it. But i don't feel the need to run to the top of the mountain and announce it to the world. Just a thought.

 

[Riverrick]

Well, if you're like me you have to announce it. Its too nervewracking to wait around for exactly the right moment. I have to get it out so I can move on so I make it happen. So as soon as anything about my personal life comes up I work it into the conversation.

I just feel safer knowing where I stand with people and whether to put a lot of effort into a friendship or not.

 

[slobone]

I had a similar quandary when I decided to start coming out. I didn't mind at all if people knew I was gay, I just didn't want to have any awkward conversations.

Then I realized -- the conversation is only awkward if I act like I'm ashamed or embarrassed. Or possibly if I seem like I'm boasting or defiant -- but I'm not like that, so that wasn't a likely problem.

So now I opt for straightforward -- "I'm gay, by the way -- I thought you should know." Or "You may have already figured this out...".

Now that "gay" is a well-known socio-cultural-politico-demographic category, I have no problem using the g word. I think it's better than saying "I'm attracted to guys" or something like that, which might be a little too intimate.

Just say it in the same tone of voice you'd say "I'm Jewish" or "I'm diabetic" or "I'm circumcised". Um, well, maybe not the latter...

 

[Soilwork]

I find that if you just start acting like they alwasy knew, they'll get message that it really isn't a big deal and you can move on.

 

[SFMusic]

I have to agree with what tallguy said. Don't worry about what to say to people, just live your life with honesty and integrity, and people will figure it out.

Something as simple as putting a picture of you and your boyfriend/partner on your desk at work. Or mentioning what movie you and your boyfriend saw over the weekend, that's enough for people to get the idea.

And if you don't have a boyfriend/ partner, then forget about what to say to people, and go out and find one.

Hey Aaron

Congrats on your steps so far mate...awesome work!!!

Just be yourself. Just be open and honest. Just use the same traits that got you this far with flying colours...dont lie...dont hide.

You dont need to make an announcement. For some they just wont care and for others it will be a shrug of the shoulders. Some might even say we thought so. In reality there is no need to tell people this...and honestly its information that some people may not want to know.

I understand your need to express your honesty and your openness. Its admirable...no its great. But you need to figure out what you want from the experience...

Find your true love. Bring him home to meet the folks, your friends and colleagues. In finding your own happiness you will achieve all your goals. People will see and they will talk. Most will be far happier to see you happy and in love than you imagine. Thats the important stuff. It wont take long and people will know. They will see you for the guy you are...caring loving and open. The fact that you are gay will be a mere detail.

Aaron, you are already loved accepted and cherished. You're real value is within you...now what others may think about you. You dont need others opinions or acceptance to know that you are an incredible human being with huge value and potential. Your ability to love and respect is all you.

Live your life mate. Achieve your potential. Be all you can be and all you are. Love to the full. And trust me..the world will see...and they will know. You wont have to say a thing

 

[AaronG]

Thanks guys for all your input. This has really helped me take the pressure off myself. I guess it boils down to the notion that when I'm (completely) comfortable that I have nothing to hide, I'll stop hiding. And that's all that has to happen.

 

[orem244]

this reply might be a little late, but i found that the easiest way was just to put it on my online profile that i knew all my friends were going to see eventually (facebook, myspace, etc). That way, they'll get the picture without some dramatic "coming out" process.