Okay, so just how forgiving are you?

[operafan]

I'm just catching up with the Oprah segment where two guys were on the show -- a big guy who beat and left for dead a gay guy. They both ended up working The Museum of Tolerance years later and through their conversation the gay guy realized the other guy was the one who beat him up.

I suppose that since they are both committed to tolerance, it would have been hypocritical for the gay guy to not forgive the attacker, but I think I would have found it very difficult.

Somehow I think that forgiving gene was left out of my makeup.

 

[KennyD]

Sorry ; but tolerant or not ... I would have made sure that guy got what he had coming to him .... If the guy had been a little more physical, the Gay guy wouldn't even be alive ...

 

[bimmrboy]

I can be very forgiving sometimes. Very vindicative at others.

If I was the guy who got beat up, the other guy would be getting some payback.

 

[valis23]

The one person I've never been able to forgive is myself.

 

[Joe King Jay]

I'm very forgiving. I've never been able to hold a grudge for to long. It takes up too much of my energy and I'm lazy. It sometimes takes people a while to realize the error of their ways. People make mistakes, I say forgive them for it.

 

[ashonfire]

I'm very forgiving. I've never been able to hold a grudge for to long. It takes up too much of my energy and I'm lazy. It sometimes takes people a while to realize the error of their ways. People make mistakes, I say forgive them for it.

Me too.

Possibly the only thing I learnt from all those wasted years at Catholic School.

Forgiveness is very much worthwhile.

 

[Xenrai]

When they talk about forgiveness on the Oprah show it's not about saying what the other person did was ok. It's just about being able to let go of the emotions that bind you to that situation so that you can lead an emotionally healthy life.

 

[woaini]

I'm a very forgiving guy too~~, but never a forgetting guy~~

 

[Circe Infuria]

It's just about being able to let go of the emotions that bind you to that situation so that you can lead an emotionally healthy life.

Agreed.

I have someone in my life that made my life rather unpleasant at times when I was a kid, to the point that it caused me to have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I have confronted the person on several occasions and they refuse to take responsibility for what they did to me, and the pain they caused me. I dunno if I'll ever see them own up to what they've done, and ask me for forgiveness, but for my own sake, I HAD to forgive them so I could get on with my life.

Forgiveness helps you to loosen yourself from the bonds of the experience and move on. It doesn't necessarily rectify the situation, but in some cases, proper rectification isn't always possible. Forgiveness is more for your benefit than for anybody else.

 

[levenshulme31]

Forgiveness is a curious orange. I think the main beneficiary os the one doing the forgiving. As Xenrai said above, being able to let go emotionally when you have been harmed in some way can be very freeing. I don't so much think it is about forgiving the perpetrator per se but more giving yourself closure and allowing yourself to get on with your life without being eaten up by negative emotions.

I am not a religious person, but am often moved by the powers of forgiveness shown by many religious people. There was a terrible case in Liverpool recently where a 15 year old black boy was murdered by racists (with an axe) for having a white girlfriend. His mother immediately said she forgave those who had killed him. (I assume she was being genuine and not just saying the words because that's what her religion says she is supposed to say). That sort of strength of character I find amazing. I doubt if I could do the same thing in the same circumstances.

 

[operafan]

It doesn't make much sense to me to forgive an action if there is no remorse or repentance on the part of the person to be forgiven.

I think my attitude toward forgiveness is more in keeping with the older Judaic traditional concepts that forgiveness comes when the perpetrator makes a sincere repentance and a request for forgiveness from the victim. That forgiveness cannot be given by others nor can it be requested by anyone than the perpetrator.

I didn't make it clear, but the guy who bashed did ask the gay guy for forgiveness. It was years later when they were both working at the Museum of Tolerance. The gay guy said he it took time - it was a process - but ultimately he did forgive his attacker.

A side note - to see whether the basher had really changed, the gay guy invited the attacker to a barbeque with 60 other gay men to see how the guy would handle it. The gay guy said that would make anyone nervous. (It'd didn't end up bothering the reformed attacker.)

But it did give Oprah a chance to respond about being nervous in a room with 60 gay guys -- "No, it wouldn't make me nervous - no, not at all."

Gotta love my Oprah.

 

[ViscountLazarus]

It really depends on what's happened.

I forgive my best friend for some of the horrible things she's said to me - just like I am forgiven for saying equally horrible things to her.

But I will never forgive some things.

I'm the kind of person who believes in revenge.

-Lazarus.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

would i forgive the kids that bashed me in highschool for being different?

no and never will

would i forgive the teachers that looked the other way when it happened?

no and never will

do i feel guilty about smacking a guys head in with my stakeboard when i was defending myself?

no and never will

but when i did the last thing they stayed away from me.

 

[bj____]

Agreed.

I have someone in my life that made my life rather unpleasant at times when I was a kid, to the point that it caused me to have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I have confronted the person on several occasions and they refuse to take responsibility for what they did to me, and the pain they caused me. I dunno if I'll ever see them own up to what they've done, and ask me for forgiveness, but for my own sake, I HAD to forgive them so I could get on with my life.

Forgiveness helps you to loosen yourself from the bonds of the experience and move on. It doesn't necessarily rectify the situation, but in some cases, proper rectification isn't always possible. Forgiveness is more for your benefit than for anybody else.

I'd have to say this is very true for me. I had a very similar situation involving my dad and a severe addiction he had. My entire family tried to help him for 7 years. The entire time we were trying to help him he would just lie. It wouldn't be small lies either, it would be something that impacted the entires family's lives as well. Not just emotionally but physically and mentally too. It took him 5 years of being clean and some serious forgiving on our family's part to tolerate being around him, let alone trust him. People and situations change, and sometimes holding on to the past is what keeps you from progressing towards the future. It takes a lot for me to trust anyone in my life again, but I've found if I don't I'm a miserable person and it reflects in my day to day life.

 

[Diodorus]

The one person I've never been able to forgive is myself.

You hit the nail on the head there valis. That is most often the hardest thing to do. But it can be done. As for myself. Yes. I am forgiving. I can also lower the temperature in a room if I am pissed off. I tend to deal with emotional things that way. I become cold as ice and then thaw. I can't stay mad at anyone for much longer than a couple of days. And there are very few people that can get me that pissed off. No one here at JUB ever has. (Please don't take that as an invitation to start a contest!)

 

[duroc5088]

Well I unfortunately have a history of "keeping score." What I mean by that is, yes i would probably forgive the guy, and be friends but I would always feel like he was one up on me, and I would always be looking for a way to get square with the house.

that is one of my biggest downfalls as a person.

Dirk

 

[Davelandia]

I may forgive, but I never forget.

 

[G-Lexington]

I forgive. Some may call me foolish, but I call me unburdened.

Lex

 

[LarsVenice]

I'm not vengeful and I am forgiving, but I don't give people second chances - I move on - in most cases. I believe that people who do bad things will suffer from bad karma, and it is not my place to administer that.

 

[Apollo]

I am forgiving. I don't see the point of keeping a grudge agaisn't a person who is usually out of my life. Also it makes me feel better to forgive a person, because if I do not forgive them than I will think about it constantly and begin to hate the person. Hate breeds resentment and then breeds revenge which can get deadly, and no one has the right to take another persons life unless they ask for it.

I would also like to shine the light on the original post. The gay guy had been thrown out on the street by his mother when he was 13 for coming out to her. He was with a bunch of other gay teenagers that were also living on the street when the other guy who was a skinhead at the time was with his other skinhead brothers. They taunted and called the group of gay teens names and then the teens tried to runaway when the skinheads chased them down. And the reformed skinhead was the one who specifically beat up the other gay guy.

The skinhead decided to change his ways when he gave birth to his first child. He did not want his child to grow up and be intolerant and hateful, and all of that. He moved out of the town where all his skinhead "friends". He got a job at the Museum of Tolerance and thats where he met the gay guy who was now working there. After the reformed skinhead had told his story to the gay guy, he realized that it was him who beat him up all those years ago, and the reformed skinhead asked for forgiveness.

I think in that situation, you have to forgive the attacker, or else there is no point in working at the Museum of Tolerance.