Okay, so this is my story... [LONG]

[JABEEE]

Hello, I will call myself Jay, I'm 18 years old and gay.
I'm a straight acting/looking guy, far from what you'd describe as you "stereotypical" gay dude.
I met my best friend (we'll call him Mike) about a year ago in one of our classes. From the second I started talking to him he was all I could think about I knew there was something differn't about him. I always wanted to start hanging out with him, I wanted to get to know him. Anyway, I guess I got kicked out of that class for attendence and I didn't see him until the next school year. So I forgot all about him then next school year rolls up and there he is, I forgot all about him but seeing him my crush came all back. He always treated me differntly from most people. He was always so nice to me. Anyway eventually him and I began to hang out now and then, and eventually everyday. I started falling for him more and more and eventually we became bestfriends. I always questioned his sexuality because he had never had a girlfriend, although he was super straight acting. I always knew I was setting myself up for dissapointment, I knew I was ognna end up getting hurt because the more and more we hung out the more and more I fell for him. He told me I made him happy, that I always cheered him up whenever I was around. Told me he'd do whatever it takes to put a smile on my face and thing kept building up in my head. I know I was being stupid but you know how it must feel to be in the closet and never be able to feel love from someone. I felt special for once. No one had ever told me I made them feel like that. At that point I would of done anything for him, I cried so many night because I couldn't handle it. It was too much. Then things turn everything was going great. My mind played tricks on me I thought he had feelings for me too, I was convinced. I knew at the back of my mind though I was being fucking dumb. So I introduce him to my good friend (let's call her Eileen) and she gets a huge crush on him and I was fine with it, and eventually afte rthey met a few times we were at a party and she starts making out with him. And I thought it was fine, him just trying to tprove the point around that he was straight. He started telling me he liked Eileen and I couldn't believe it, it crushed me, I didn't know what to think. Mike was always really depressed, cried alot to me like I said he told me I made him happy. So another party rolls around and they were both theyre, right away he started talking to her, they were together for so long I couldn't take it I ran out of th ehouse in a drunken rage said bye to everyone and left crying. The next morning he calls me asking me why I left telling me he was worried about me. I was happy he called felt better but what he told me next killed him. He had just lost his viriginity to Eileen. My heart stopped, I couldn't fucking believe it. So now they're going out madly inlove and I'm here and it's killing me to watch.
I don't know what to do, I try so hard to get him out of my life. I just stop calling and answering calls and I encouter him and I ignore him but he starts telling me Im making him feel bad because I'm hating on him. And he tells me I'm his bestfriend and I forgive him.

Like what am I suppose to do, It's killing me, I'm trying to cut this friendship but it hurts so bad.
I'm just doing it for my own good.
I even told myself before all this happend if he ever got a girlfriend I'd cut the friendship off. Easy said then done.

I need help.
I'm so depressed and finding it harder and harder to live life.
I know I sound dramatic and pathetic but I can't help my feelings.

 

[EvilForce]

*sigh*

Sorry to hear about your crush. Unfortunately, this is just the way it works when you fall in love with straight men. Been there, done that.

You're suffering in silence, all the while your friend is left to wonder why you have suddenly dumped him and quit returning calls. You've essentially dumped him as a friend simply because of what he is. Straight. Which isn't really fair. Especially someone you consider a friend. What many men don't learn until late in life is that you can have intimacy between men, but intimacy doesn't automatically mean romantic love and a sexual relationship. Intimacy is something to be cherished. You bond with a person to their very core, but you love them like a brother.

Why don't you be honest with him? Now, you wouldn't even need to come out to him if you didn't want. But you could just sit down with him and tell him that for some crazy reason it makes you jealous to see him with Eileen. There are a lots of ways to handle it.

This is what always happens when you fall in love with a straight man. It's horribly self-destructive. Most of us have all done it at some point. Some men never learn and are in their 40s and 50s still in the closet, and still falling in and out of love with straight men. Tragic.

Good luck with your journey of self-discovery, and you will have to realize that this is the "price" for falling love. That the incredible highs you feel, can be crushing lows when a love interest implodes. No risk = no reward. So cry your eyes out until you can't cry anymore. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and put one foot in front of the other. Each day will get a little easier.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's three things going on here-

1. Your best friend now has a girl-friend and you're having to share him.
   
2. You have a crush on someone who is probably never going to feel the same way about you.
   
3. You're not out, so your behavior is not making a lot of sense to your friend and is hurting your friendship.

The first two things on the list are things that you're not going to be able to do anything about. The last one is the only thing that you have control over and that you can change.

Should you be honest with your friend that you're gay? If he's a real friend, yes.

Should you tell him anything more than that? That's up to you but know that if you tell him that you feel threatened by his girlfriend and that you have a crush on him, it is not going to change the way he feels about the girlfriend but it may change the way he feels about you.

If someone is your friend, you shouldn't have to end a friendship because you're in the closet and can't get control on your feelings.

But EvilForce is right- having a crush on a straight guy seldom comes to any good end and just causes a lot of hurt for everyone.

 

[JABEEE]

I know it's wrong to want to cut the friendship even though we're tight, but you gotta see it from my point of view too.
It's such a struggle to sit and watch at the sidelines, its's so hard.
We've had alot of talks before and he told me one time do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, whatever it is.

and I'm trying to right now but he's making it impossible.
I feel so guilty about it but everywhere I go he shows up.

Most amazing person I've ever met but step by step I'm letting go.

 

[Alberto_15]

Would a shame to lose such a good friend. Good luck buddy

 

[rareboy]

Listen to Kara. He has parsed your situation perfectly.

 

[JABEEE]

I know cutting him out is the wrong thing to do.
I totally know it is, but it's just easier to let the day pass by not thinking about him or not seeing him.

It hurts being around him cause I forget about the whole situation, it feels like old times. The I get reality checks and my happiness goes down the drain.

He's my bestfriend and I love him to death.
It's not even a sexual attraction, it's more than that. I couldnt care less about the sexual side of it.

I told myself that from the beggining. I never checked him out or tried to be sexual with him. I always respected him because I love him so much.

The sinking feeling in my chest, I just can't handle it anymore.

I hate to let him go but its the only way, I feel horrible cause he cries cause he thinks "I'm hating on" him.
I tell him it's not like that, and it's not.

I think just letting it go without a word is the easiest way of us both not getting hrut.

 

[JABEEE]

How can I expect him to accept that fact that I'm gay if I can't even do it.
I'm not proud of who I am, I hate it. I hate God for making me like this.

It's not that easy to tell someone you're gay, especially a straight friend.
I'm going to be looked at differntly rumours spread, no straight guy will want to talk to me. I don't want to be seen as differn't.

I know its horrible what I'ms aying but it's just true.
I'm having a hard time accepting everything.

 

[Telstra]

just take as much time as possible to read, find and help yourself.

 

[hanshansen]

How can I expect him to accept that fact that I'm gay if I can't even do it.

That's not logical.

You don't know how he feels about it. One thing that it took me many years to realise is how many of my friends and acquaintances have gay friends and relatives and are basically used to it. I'm not saying you're in that situation, I'm no longer at school, I mix with liberal academic and yuppie types. But the point is for many years I never knew because I was so afraid to broach that area with anybody. And my assumptions turned out to be totally wrong.

My strong gut feeling is that if he likes you as much as he does, and isn't deeply opposed to the idea of having a gay friend, he'll make a big effort to still be your friend (if he needs to). That's what I would do.

If you cut him off, you'll hate yourself even more.

Here's why you should tell him that you are gay. It'll break some of the tension with him (at least from his point of view) because he'll understand that you've been dealing with issues. (You don't need to tell him that you have feelings for him - in fact you shouldn't - how would you react if a girl friend of yours told you she was in love with you - and you were already in a relationship.) It also means you'll have a supportive base as you go about meeting people who are more likely to develop feelings for you. You really need to do this - otherwise you'll keep getting attached to people who might be gay, but probably aren't, and you'll keep getting hurt.

I'm going to be looked at differntly rumours spread, no straight guy will want to talk to me. I don't want to be seen as differn't.

Why do you think there will be never be any rumours if you don't tell him and instead break off contact without any reason? Look at it this way: Do you want rumours with a supportive friend to back you up or rumours without one?

 

[JABEEE]

It's easier said than done.
i know he might not mind that I was gay, but it's not just that.

I can't handle seeing him kissing her, or thier pictures.
It hurts so bad, whenever we party and she comes I always leave wherever we are and just walk home crying, everyweekend.
I used to be the one he asked to sleep over everynight, now its like he doesn't acknowledge me when shes there.
I feel like a ghost, he pays no attention to me or makes an effort to talk to me.

It was the exact opposite before.

It hurts that Icoudlnt be the one to change his life, make him permanetly happy.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>How can I expect him to accept that fact that I'm gay if I can't even do it. I'm not proud of who I am, I hate it. I hate God for making me like this.

I'm gay.
I'm even what you might call "straight acting".
I'm totally out of the closet.
And my life kicks so much ass, I doubt you can even comprehend it.

Your life won't ever kick ass so long as you hate your homosexuality. It's part of who you are. Accept it. Get beyond that.

As far as your friend goes? That's your call. I honestly think you're doing both of them a disservice by cutting them out of your life. I know it might make things easier for you in the short run, but you're probably confusing the hell out of both of them. You don't have to out yourself to him (or her) if you don't want to, but you should at least let them know what's going on. If you and he are so tight, you should be able to say, "Honestly, I just feel a bit like a third wheel around you two now. I feel a bit like I'm intruding. Don't get me wrong - I'm totally happy for you. But I think I should just let you two enjoy each other's company for awhile."

Lex

 

[RedRedKroovy]

ok I'm straight and I have gay friends.

I've had gay buddies "fall" for me. It is a very weird situation. I think maybe you have to try and look at it from his perspective.

If you are not telling him the truth about you're being gay then how is he supposed to know. Is he a mind-reader?

I had a bud and we were really tight and I didn't know what was what. I assumed he was straight because he never said anything and we went out together chasing tail and shit like that.

Well anyway, one day he just up and tells me he doesn't want to hang with me anymore. So I'm thinking something totally different than what is. I'm thinking he's pissed at me for getting with this girl from this place were we went out all the time.

So I really like the guy and really want to stay buds with him so I tell him I'm done with the girl and he can move in if he wanted. I apologized and told him if he'd said something that I wouldn't have moved in on her. I really didn't it was mostly her. But anyways...

So he doesn't talk to me for a while and then he just shows up at my place and then does the whole "I'm in love with you" deal. I was totally blindsided.

I got very pissed off to tell the truth. He was lying to me all along which isn't the true meaning of a friend.

The point of this rambling is this. I think you're being kinda bratty about it. I mean you're throwing over a friend because you're not getting your way. That's actually way bratty. However, I think you are probably doing the right thing. You'll get over it and hopefully not make the same mistake again. He'll find another running buddy and you'll be history.

 

[JABEEE]

I'm not being bratty whatsoever.
In life there are things you have to do to make yourself happy.
I think this is one of those things, it's not like im causing drama with him.
He has no idea non of this is going on, I'm just simply looking out for myself.

No one likes to hurt, it's a horrible feeling, probably one of the worst.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>He has no idea non of this is going on, I'm just simply looking out for myself.

That's where a lot of difficulties lie in relationships (both platonic and otherwise) - people focusing fully on their own interests, and not thinking (or caring) about how other people will react to their actions.

Your actions are almost certainly causing your friends a good deal of confusion. If you don't care about that, so be it.

Lex

 

[hanshansen]

I'm not being bratty whatsoever.
In life there are things you have to do to make yourself happy.
I think this is one of those things, it's not like im causing drama with him.
He has no idea non of this is going on, I'm just simply looking out for myself.

No one likes to hurt, it's a horrible feeling, probably one of the worst.

You are being totally bratty.

My arguments were based on your long-term interests = happiness. You're simply prioritizing your current comfort over what (I would say) is in your long-term interest. You can do with friends like this, and if you keep on behaving like this, you won't have any.

When you know something is in your long-term interest, you suck it up and do it. It's as simple as that.

Good luck.