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Okay.. This Sucks.

L

loveolder18

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I've just recently let my friends know that I'm gay, at first they all said that it wasn't an issue and made no difference to them but now it doesn't seem like that at all. Things became increasingly awkward over time and I've gradually seen them less and less, until the point that I wouldn't even really consider a lot of them friends. At the time that all this was happening I also moved home, further away from where most of them live and I now go to college whereas most of them don't.

To be honest I'm not too worried about losing them as friends because if I can't be myself around them then whats the point but I've always been used to having lots of friends so I'm not really sure how to handle this now. I'm leaving college and moving to a completely new city in just a few months to begin university so I'm thinking I may just leave things with my old friends and find better ones once I'm there haha.

Any suggestions on what to do, leave things?, try and make things work with my old mates? or maybe a good way to find new friends?. Any advice would help right now!
 
It's likely to be self centeredness more than anything to do with you being gay. The fact is you moved away so they probably figure you can't make it to the whatever event they're planning and therefore don't call you and move on with their lives.... you were going to drift apart anyways going to college in a new city, but there's no reason to drop them IMO.

If I were you I'd make an effort to keep in touch and see them when you're back in town.
 
so I'm thinking I may just leave things with my old friends and find better ones once I'm there haha.

Any suggestions on what to do, leave things?, try and make things work with my old mates? or maybe a good way to find new friends?. Any advice would help right now!
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Absolutely. the old 'friends' are just deadwood. Try to keep one good friend although, truth be told, I don't have one that was worth keeping from high school days and only a few from university.

As a gay guy, you should be meeting far more interesting and likeminded people. I say try to become involved in the areas you are interested in in some way, ie the symphony, dance, or bowling or reading group. You're likely to meet people both gay and straight that you'll bond with closely.
 
doesnt sound like a gay thing to me. more like a growing up thing.

im guessing those friends are people you know from high school? dont worry about it, its realtively rare to meet life-long friends in high-school. most of them just disappear. hold on to the selected few you really like (if there are any). youll meet many fantastic people during the next phase of your life! you dont even have to try, just be yourself, nowhere is it easier to make new friends than in university.

(ot: isnt college and university the same thing? i just dont get american education...)
 
College and University are usually the same thing. But sometimes people go to two year community colleges in their hometowns to talk care of core curriculum requirements. For various reasons.

But then, this guy may not be in the US. I don't know anyone in my part of the country anyway who "went to university."

If you can't be yourself with these people then let them be acquaintances. Find some people you can be yourself with.
 
I only keep in touch with one of my friends from highschool. And she's like my non-sexual soulmate. It happens to everyone.


That's kinda what facebook is for. If you really want to keep in touch and stay close, email a lot.
 
sounds more like you are just moving on with your life in different direction.

I didn't keep in touch with many of my high school friends once I went to college.

Try to make some new friends at your current school.
 
Thanks for all the advice guys! most of it has reinforced what I was thinking already. I should have mentioned as well that I live in the UK so college and university are different. Thanks again :)
 
In my experience, alot of straight people "talk the talk" when it comes to acceptance... and they don't really mean it. Or they are just stuck somewhere in between hatred and love (which is fear)... I wouldn't waste my time with them anymore but it's up to you!

Out of all the straight relationships I have built up all through my life, none of them compare to the friendship I have made with my lesbian friend. I've known her since high school, but only within the past 2 years have we really connected. Over what? Well, the gay thing of course..

I'm not saying it's impossible to have a really strong friendship with a straight person, but it was just especially hard for me and for her growing up in south Texas.. luckily we found each other!

I think I'm in love! oh wait... she doesn't have a penis.. CRAP
 
I think you're mixing up cause and effect. Let me take two bits that you said, and strip them of everything else.

...(I) moved home, further away from where most of them live and I now go to college whereas most of them don't...I've gradually seen them less and less, until the point that I wouldn't even really consider a lot of them friends.

If you told somebody only these two things, they wouldn't find it strange at all. They'd say "Oh, you moved away, you're going to different schools now, and you've drifted apart." Nobody would think there was homophobia or elitism involved.

Moving away and going to a new school DOES tend to change things a lot. It's hellaciously easy to be friends with people who you run into every day. It's much more difficult if you have to schedule your times together, and don't see each other when you don't. And despite the "friends forever" that people write in yearbooks, most of the time, school friends do drift away to varying degrees. You CAN stay friends with them, but only so long as everybody puts in enough effort to stay friends. If you or they are too busy with other friends, that tends not to happen.

Don't sweat it. Make new friends.

Lex
 
friends aren't all they crack up to be. As long as you are sociable, you will have new friends. Sometimes it's good to leave some people in your life behind and just move forward. So I say, just ignore those friends, you don't need them.
 
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