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Old Age?

  • Thread starter Thread starter peeonme
  • Start date Start date
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peeonme

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I found out that my bothers wife passed away. His kids are now trying to decide what to do with him, he is in his mid 70's and can't care for himself. My mother was the same, both sat around doing nothing for years, no motivation, no ambition. Their bodies just got weaker and weaker from inactivity.
Do any of you know of others that have done this?
 
It's hard. My Mom after she moved here and I have no reason think before moving here was different, just sat.

Sat in her chair all day watching TV and reading books. Get up to go potty. Get up to go just outside the door to smoke. Get up to get a beer from the fridge because I, the Evil Son, refused to fetch fresh beers for her. (Drink all ya want mom but you have to be able to totter down the hall to go pee and then totter to the kitchen and back to your chair.) Walk around anywhere to even pretend to exercise? Heaven forfend.

I didn't want her here. I moved six hours away from the folks for a reason. But after the sisters cleaned out the valuables, like silverware and dad's coin collection, and then emptied her bank account and mailed both sets of the fucking keys to her van six weeks after they vanished,, well, what can you do? They left her to die.

So we went and picked her up and moved her into the spare bedroom. She was down to one egg in the fridge and a couple of slices of bread that were on the edge of turning green. I'm not getting over this.

Anyway. She was here for almost four years and overall, it was good. Getting to spoil her and hear her stories was totally worth the cranky spots. And we both had cranky spots..... she was still my mommy and I was still her little boy and here we are as adults, so, some friction.

Move Dad in. Put him in the guest/spare bedroom. Get him a decent chair and run some cable to the TV in his bedroom. Sort of like a one room apartment but make it /his/ space. Hang some of the pictures he likes, put up some shelves for his knickknacks. Make room for a chair he likes in the living room. Get to know Dad better... as more than just "Dad" but as the man he is. You'll be surprised what you learn.
 
Get the wills in order. Pre-paid funeral plans. Does Dad have a paid for house? There's a way to add someone to the deed and it's pretty much a "Yeah, it's dad's house and he can do whatever, rent or sell, whatever, but when he passes it's my house".
 
I think that is natural. You expect old people to sit back in their rockers in the old folks home. Some people might have hobbies or do puzzles and things that keep their minds active, but that might not exercise their limbs. My hobbies are sitting and reading and sitting and drawing house plans and now in my late seventies, even though I walk, my knees were beginning to give out on me. I started to do some token calisthenics and my knees haven't bothered me since. I haven't gone dancing in clubs for quite some years.
 
Even before I retired I sat at a desk and computer most of the day entering accounts payable.
 
fredroy said:
It's hard. My Mom after she moved here and I have no reason think before moving here was different, just sat.

Sat in her chair all day watching TV and reading books. Get up to go potty. Get up to go just outside the door to smoke. Get up to get a beer from the fridge because I, the Evil Son, refused to fetch fresh beers for her. (Drink all ya want mom but you have to be able to totter down the hall to go pee and then totter to the kitchen and back to your chair.) Walk around anywhere to even pretend to exercise? Heaven forfend.

I didn't want her here. I moved six hours away from the folks for a reason. But after the sisters cleaned out the valuables, like silverware and dad's coin collection, and then emptied her bank account and mailed both sets of the fucking keys to her van six weeks after they vanished,, well, what can you do? They left her to die.

So we went and picked her up and moved her into the spare bedroom. She was down to one egg in the fridge and a couple of slices of bread that were on the edge of turning green. I'm not getting over this.

Anyway. She was here for almost four years and overall, it was good. Getting to spoil her and hear her stories was totally worth the cranky spots. And we both had cranky spots..... she was still my mommy and I was still her little boy and here we are as adults, so, some friction.

Move Dad in. Put him in the guest/spare bedroom. Get him a decent chair and run some cable to the TV in his bedroom. Sort of like a one room apartment but make it /his/ space. Hang some of the pictures he likes, put up some shelves for his knickknacks. Make room for a chair he likes in the living room. Get to know Dad better... as more than just "Dad" but as the man he is. You'll be surprised what you learn.
Click to expand...
My mother had a gift for alianating herself from others, her son (my brother) seems to have the same gift. If any take him in I would wager that it won't last long. Alesson to be learned is that we get old, find ourselves in need and if we have treated family like dirt they will remember it. This is why we have people warehoused in nursing homes.
 
That is so sad.

My partner continues to work every day...but If I was gone I worry about what he would do. He can retire (is retired) and live more than comfortably, but so much of our motivation is joint interest and activity.

If I have the opportunity before I die, I will encourage him to move from the farm and move into town where he can have lots more opportunity for social interaction in the event he stops driving.
 
rareboy said:
That is so sad.

My partner continues to work every day...but If I was gone I worry about what he would do. He can retire (is retired) and live more than comfortably, but so much of our motivation is joint interest and activity.

If I have the opportunity before I die, I will encourage him to move from the farm and move into town where he can have lots more opportunity for social interaction in the event he stops driving.
Click to expand...
I was hell bent on moving to northern Mi. but our son convinced me to stay near him. 2 weeks ago my wife had to be taken by ambulance to the ER, she was in for 3 days, after release we both came down with an upper respiratory infection. I have tried to stay in shape but am quite aware that the 70's are a decade of decline for most people. Before I am a burden or at the mercy of others I hope to pass in my sleep.
I had an Aunt who lived to be 94, her mother was 106 when she died... both blind and deaf. Quality is better to quantity.
 
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