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Older friends... is it normal?

Adam2299

Adam2299

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My boyfriend is older than me, and lately I've been hanging out with his friends who are all around his age (in their late 30's and 40's). In fact, I've sort of abandoned my college age friends altogether... I guess I just find his friends to be a lot more interesting. I've always liked hanging out with older gay men as opposed to younger ones. I feel they're a lot smarter and a lot more mature, etc. etc.

In fact, I've become really close with this couple lately, who are 43 & 46 years old. They're just really fun, down-to-earth guys. I'll even hang out with them when my boyfriend isn't around. I find them to be really smart and entertaining... they just put me in a better mood, you know?

Anyway... my boyfriend thinks it's kind of weird that I've become so close with his gay male friends... not just with this couple, but with about 3 or 4 other ones specifically. No one really seems to have a problem with it except for him (he's over-protective). And actually, his friends are the ones who are calling me and inviting me to do stuff with them, so I don't really get why he's so pissed about it.

So what I'm wondering is... do any of you "older" guys have any really good friends who are my age? Or do most of your friends fall into your same age range? If you do have friends my age, is it hard for you to relate to them or take them seriously?

I just hate to think that we have to choose our friends based on our age... I'd really like these people to become good friends of mine, but I always feel kind of weird when I'm hanging out with all of them and I'm the only one in my 20's... you know what I mean?

But I'd love for any older guys here to tell me your thoughts on this. Thanks!
 
You aren't alone in having friends that are older than you. I'm good friends with my boss and he's in his 40s. I have friends in Las Vegas who are in their late 30s/early 40s. I think it's sad when people place restrictions of friendships over things as silly as age. Although I would encourage you to keep some of your college friends.
 
I agree with landers, it is sad that we place people either for looks and/or age.
My bf is 30, and I ma 62. We have no issues or problems relating at all. All his friends however question this relationship because I am so much older. It is the body that is older, not my mind!

You can have friends your own age, and older. Why should it matter? Anyone can live and learn from others their own age or older! Go for it, mate! And ENJOY!
 
Friendship knows no age boundaries.

I have friends from age 19 to 80 and each one of them brings something special and unique to my life. I believe the age bias that exists, particularly in gay life, is unconscionable and ignorant. There is no written law that says you can't be friends with anyone, regardless of age. If you enjoy older friends for the reasons you stated, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and whoever tells you there is needs to grow up, get over themselves and stop playing the "insecure card". I have plenty of friends, some of them 20 years younger than me! Doesn't mean a thing. We have in common what we have, no matter how little. It's just the enjoyment of being around them and sharing thoughts, a few laughs and having a good time. Yes, there are older (and younger) guys who give everyone else a bad name. But to be "picky" about someones age is totally immature. It's not about being "turned on" or "who is hitting on who". I'm talking about pure friendship, not a partner or lover. As for a partner, I prefer guys 10 years on either side of my age because I happen to relate well with that age range. But there are always exceptions.

Age is only a number. It doesn't define who the person is or how they think or their personality. I've learned so much from friends of all ages. The fact that they are older or younger than me is irrelevant. Knowing them makes a positive difference in my life and that's all that matters.

Older friends...is it normal? I say yes. Then again, what is "normal". A lot of people in this world believe that our being gay is not "normal". I won't carry that to friendship....one of life's most precious gifts. For a friend, age means absolutely nothing.
 
who cares if it's normal, if it works for you do it

i can relate very well to older people however i wouldnt call them up to go out to a movie or even to lunch like i would with friends my age. nor would i hang out with them on say a friday night. i only like interacting with them in professional settings. but thats just me.
 
You are doing very well. You are enjoying your friends and since they are also calling you and asking you to come and join, they certainly share the feeling. Everyone can goof around and I suppose, everyone does that ever so often. But it takes considerable maturity to be able to solve issues and deal with serious problems, should these ever come up. Your friends are a great safety net. No one should ever underestimate that. Ally yourself with with smart and experienced and you'll reap huge benefits at times, when such benefits may be very crucial.

You BF might be pissed off, since he feels that you can communicate with other guys of his standing and that takes away some of the ideal exclusivity out of your relationship with him that he might see as very important to him. Assure him that you well understand, who #1 in your life is and tell him that he has nothing to fear. 'Older' guys need that reassurance ever so often.

Connect as much as you can, but be very selective, too. Aim for the best and you'll life will take that direction, too.

SC
 
We have a mix of guys our age and guys in their early 20s. I like the mix and I have as much fun with the younger guys as I have with my older friends. Age is just a number if you allow it to be.
 
Your bf should get over his jealous act right away. It isn't him being over-protective unless he thinks these guys are sexual or emotional predators.

Any young guy who has a wide range of friends of different ages is a lucky puppy. Enjoy. And Happy Holidays.
 
First off, no, it's not weird at all. :) If I had to choose between hanging out with me at age 25, or hanging out with me now, I'd pick now without a second's hesitation. Older guys tend to be more secure, more relaxed, more knowledgable about things, less worried about impressing people, and generally more fun to be around. 20-somethings may be hotter, but I expect the conversation to be petty gossip, reality TV, and "I got SO drunk" stories, for the most part.

Your bf is jealous, and that's kind of understandable. Try switching roles for a minute. Imagine every time you called your bf, he was in the dorms hanging out with your college buds. Yes, it's great when your boyfriend and your old friends hit it off, but if they start hanging out a lot without you, it's easy to start feeling a bit like a "fifth wheel".

Just be open about it all, and be sure to invite him along if and when it's possible.

Lex
 
Well.

Hurting this older man who was generous enough to open his heart and his home to you, fall in love with you and introduce you to people you like, has been something you've delighted in for a while now.

But seducing this guy's friends into being your accomplices in hurting him is a neat new twist. Very creative of you. And at the same time you abandon your other friends. You have a talent for hurting.

Are you maturing into the man you wanted to be?
 
NickCole said:
Well.

Hurting this older man who was generous enough to open his heart and his home to you, fall in love with you and introduce you to people you like, has been something you've delighted in for a while now.

But seducing this guy's friends into being your accomplices in hurting him is a neat new twist. Very creative of you. And at the same time you abandon your other friends. You have a talent for hurting.

Are you maturing into the man you wanted to be?
Click to expand...


Oh stop it, no one's seducing anyone, I swear. I don't have crushes on any of his friends. I'm not even attracted to them at all. I just like hanging out with them, and apparently they like hanging out with me too. That's all it is.

My boyfriend isn't even that upset about it, he's just a little weirded out I think. But you know he's always been over-protective. That's just the way he is.

I'm not doing anything to hurt him or anyone else. Trust me.
 
Adam2299 said:
Oh stop it, no one's seducing anyone, I swear. I don't have crushes on any of his friends. I'm not even attracted to them at all. I just like hanging out with them, and apparently they like hanging out with me too. That's all it is.
Click to expand...

I didn't say you have a crush on any of them.

You know what I mean.


I'm not doing anything to hurt him or anyone else. Trust me.
Click to expand...

I know you pretty well so I stand by what I said.

And trust me: abandoning your friends is hurtful.
 
In fact, I've become really close with this couple lately, who are 43 & 46 years old. They're just really fun, down-to-earth guys. I'll even hang out with them when my boyfriend isn't around. I find them to be really smart and entertaining... they just put me in a better mood, you know?

Anyway... my boyfriend thinks it's kind of weird that I've become so close with his gay male friends... not just with this couple, but with about 3 or 4 other ones specifically. No one really seems to have a problem with it except for him (he's over-protective). And actually, his friends are the ones who are calling me and inviting me to do stuff with them, so I don't really get why he's so pissed about it.
Click to expand...


You say here he's "so pissed about it," and when I called you on it you changed it to he "isn't even that upset." Then you tell me to trust you.

Listen, it's great to make friendships with older and younger guys, and it's really special when a 25 year age difference doesn't interfere with two guys becoming close friends -- I applaud you for being open to that. As long as it's genuine.

But abandoning your friends to make close friendships with several of your older bf's friends without him being included is at least suspicious. Especially with your history.
 
Maybe they call you because you bring the youth out of them are young people are better! im 21 ;)
 
I really don't care to consider myself an outcast, but I sort of am!

Older people tend to get the impression that I'm a pompous little jerk.

Kids my age on the other hand find me extremly nice, albeit a little crazy.

People don't get the right impression of me because of my difficulty in expressing myself. A problem that makes it a little difficult to make friends, but I'm not worried, I'm workin on it.
 
Adam2299: I think you are now feeling the downside of living with someone "on their dime."

NickCole: I just read through a bunch of Adam2299's posts and I notice that he catches a lot of grief for being interpersonally irresponsible. I made plenty of mistakes myself growing up, and sewed plenty of destruction in my wake (lots on myself).

That being said: Why are you being so personal with this guy, who you know "pretty well" based on about 300 posts?
 
I love having friends of all ages, it keeps friendships interesting and different. I've always had friends way either side of my age group and am grateful for that.

I also am well aware there are many 'oldies' who still live like 20 year olds and 'youngies' who have grown old far too soon. ;)
 
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