Older/Younger Relationships

[altlover85]

That's the main problem Gdude, if I just came out and asked all the things I wanted to I could find out where I stand, know one way or the other and deal with the outcome. However, I'm not stupid and know that blurting out all your thoughts to somebody is very likely to scare them off.

There's a difference between blurting everything out and simply asking him how things are going for him. To not communicate helps no one. If he's scared away by you asking a question or two, then what do you really have to begin with?

Just out of curiosity why does a "serious relationship" have to be monogamous? Just playing devil's advocate here. I mean why can't you have a serious open relationship?

You can have a serious open relationship.

 

[loveolder18]

Thanks again Gdude, I think I will probably be able to relax and just see what happens. It's just one of those days where things are playing on my mind a lot.

Spiderhead, I didn't mean anything by that comment, I expect you can do. I guess it was just that I'm not even completely sure of what a "serious" relationship involves, although I expect there are no set guidelines... (Please point them out if there are! )

I mean the reason I still think that the relationship I have with this guy is purely casual and not serious is because I know he sees other men as well as me. Other than making the relationship monogamous I don't see how else it could develop much to be honest. Unless perhaps spending more time together.

Anyway, thats why I made that comment. I wasn't intending to imply that all open relationships aren't serious. I think they're a good thing as long as both people can honestly avoid any feelings of guilt or jealousy.

 

[thisisinteresting]

Open relationships can in fact be much more serious and mature than a closed one. It shows confidence in each other, and everyone knows confidence is attractive. Confidence and trust. Probably two of the most important traits in a relationship just under communication, IMO.

 

[loveolder18]

The topic of this thread is changing to something entirely different now but what the hell lets go with it anyway ...

Is it just my lack of confidence which makes me think that if you're in a relationship with somebody but they want to continue having sexual relations with somebody other than you, it's because you can't fully satisfy them. If I'm comitted to somebody I would like to think that they're able to get everything they need from myself. I mean that in terms of companionship, emotional support, sexual satisfaction etc.

You know that cheesy saying that people use when they're in love... "Your my everything" I know it's just an old cliche but it seems fitting. If you're in an open relationship it would seem to me that you're clearly not, you are just a part of what your partner needs. I don't know, maybe I just lack emotional maturity at the moment seeing as I'm only 19 but that's how I would feel being put in that situation at the moment.

 

[Críostóir]

Is it just my lack of confidence which makes me think that if you're in a relationship with somebody but they want to continue having sexual relations with somebody other than you, it's because you can't fully satisfy them. If I'm comitted to somebody I would like to think that they're able to get everything they need from myself. I mean that in terms of companionship, emotional support, sexual satisfaction etc.

No, I think it's just that you're young. Which may make you lack confidence, of course.

Young gay men usually have relatively conservative ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, NO ONE EVER gets ALL their emotional needs met from only one other person. We all need to socialize outside the relationship. We all need emotional support that we can't get from our partner (because sometimes we need support for situations ABOUT our partner).

Some people need to have sex with more than one person on an ongoing basis. Others don't. The two sets of people have trouble understanding one another, and probably shouldn't be in a relationship together.