omfguh, this is hilarious

[hungrybrownbear]

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

(202): so when am I gonna get some from you?
(617): when you dick grows 3 inches


(631): Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him


(941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?


(216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab



I think I'm addicted to these!

 

[hungrybrownbear]

(402): You love popeyes more than me
(1-402): does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?


This one's the best:
(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
(443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

 

[Lukeee]

I love this one...

(+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

 

[just a guy]

These are a hoot. I like this one:

215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Excuse my dumbosity but I don't text -- are people picking these up from somewhere?

 

[hungrybrownbear]

mm, I think people just post epic texts that they get...

sorta like saving funny chat convos?

 

[NedNickerson]

(406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

(612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

(705): I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

(818 ) : wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

(847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
(224): RUN RUN RUN RUN

(620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
(785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

(443): So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
(443): It breaks. We fall.
(443): I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?