On coming out, college, and straight friends

[Greenherbz]

Firstly, I know this is long so I highlighted the Spark notes version haha
I've been immensely depressed for the past couple of months, due to negative feelings about being gay.
Just to give some quick background, I came out to my parents when I was 16, then started ex-gay reparative therapy (mostly being coaxed by my parents, partially because I wanted desperately to be straight) for about 3 years. About a year ago I decided to stop therapy [thank god] which worried my parents but we've recently been talking and they've que'd me in that they don't mind me dating guys they just want me to be happy. The one thing I was waiting for this whole time was their approval, and now that I have it... I'm still not any happier. Now that my parents are on-board, you'd think it would be time to come out to friends. But I'm just very worried, if they react negatively I'll have no one. Potentially loose my room mate (who I'm supposed to move into a house w/ next year with another friend).

The majority of my friends are all straight males from high school, and since moving to college a lot of them I don't feel as close to. We dont see eachother nearly as much, (just on the weekends) but they are still all I have, and they are well connected with all the people I know. All of my friends that are girls that I have come out to have moved out of town to different colleges, so it's not like I have any sort of support group besides my parents to fall back on if my friends dont take to it kindly.

I know a lot of people come here saying this, but if I came out I know it would take all my friends by surprise, like a lot. I've had multiple girlfriends throughout high school, have been in situations where me and a friend had sex w/ these 2 girls in the same room,,,,, and while there definitely was a couple of dropped hints, I know they all think Im completely straight. Some of them have mentioned being okay with gay people, others have said "its fucking weird" or other things along those lines. I just fear that once I come out I will loose them all... I know a lot of people say "well than who cares, u dont need them. They arent your real friends anyway"... but I mean, they are the only friends I have and I rlly do like hanging out with them.

So I guess my questions are;
1. Did coming out help you with being gay? I always hear gay people say they're so happy they came out... but I cant understand whats the benefit.
2. If you did come out and lost a majority of your friends, or maybe important friends to you... what did you do next and how did you cope with it?

 

[altlover85]

Hey joshbuddz,

I like your underline style. It really helps those that don't have a lot of time to read through a post.

I did read the whole thread and congrats on coming out to your parents! As far as coming out to your straight friends, I never had any issues with anyone, even though one acquaintance of mind point blank asked me if I was gay about 2 years before I came out to him and he had no problem with it.

Another friend (my best friend from high school) could be a little tough talking and while he was never overtly homophobic, I wasn't sure how comfortable he'd be with me being gay. I told him and there was no problem.

Coming out definitely helped me feel more comfortable with being gay. I didn't have to hide who I was from people. I could talk about who I was dating, etc.

Is there a reason why you haven't made friends at college?

People say this all the time and it's true, if people aren't okay with you being gay, then they don't need to be in your life. I have a feeling at least one, if not most of your friends will be accepting.

If you are nervous focus on trying to make friends at your college so you'll have a support system if things go south. Also, get back in touch with your female friends so you have their support as well.

 

[PSCGuy]

Josh,

The benefit of coming out to people is not in their acceptance of you, per se, but in your growing acceptance of yourself. As long as you stay in the closet, part of your psychology is telling you that being gay is not alright, that something about you is wrong. That's not true, and part of coming out is your gradual acceptance of that.

I can't speak to your friends, but here is something that was true about my friends, and I think is a similar situation with many men that are coming out. If you friends are truly worth having as friends, its because they love you. Your being gay shouldn't change that. Now, some of your friends may take a longer time to be accepting. For instance, the majority of my friends said some version of "So what?" or "We know." I have one friend in particular, who still jokes occasionally about how he doesn't understand why I don't like boobs. (I jab back that I don't understand how he doesn't like cock.)

I know Phil (let's call him Phil) is a good friend, and doesn't think any differently about me because I'm gay. But like the friends you are concerned about, he things being gay is a little weird. Just remember that it's taken you your entire life to be comfortable with being gay, and it took your parents a while too. It may take your friends some time, but they will come around.

Coming out of the closet is an intensely personal decision, and no one can tell you why or when you should. But I would suggest that if you are planning on rooming with other people, you should consider coming out to them before you move in. If they do react negatively, it would be better to know before you are living together.

 

[bankside]

Yes, coming out helped incredibly. But coming out also left me feeling very frustrated about how much time and effort was wasted on trying to please my family. I wasted a lot of time thinking I was "supposed" to protect them, when in fact their only job was just to hope for my happiness. And my happiness required only that I be honest with myself, and them.

So coming out is not so much the solution, as the turning point. It still takes effort after that. And in a way, that makes the moment of coming out seem a little bit like a let-down. Now my life has come together, and the effort is showing dividends

 

[Audio Tech]

Yes, coming out helped incredibly. But coming out also left me feeling very frustrated about how much time and effort was wasted on trying to please my family. I wasted a lot of time thinking I was "supposed" to protect them, when in fact their only job was just to hope for my happiness. And my happiness required only that I be honest with myself, and them.

So coming out is not so much the solution, as the turning point. It still takes effort after that. And in a way, that makes the moment of coming out seem a little bit like a let-down. Now my life has come together, and the effort is showing dividends

Quoted for truth.

So far I have not lost any friends, not that I had many to begin with. But if I did, it's true that they aren't truly my friends anyway. In the long run it's better to find out NOW and move on with your life.

With me, it was VERY late in life, but I DID, and am now happily dating a really great guy. (And THAT is more important to me than what someone else thinks.)

It's NOT your job to please your "friends" by pretending to be straight when you are not.

Live YOUR life, not your friends.

 

[Seasoned]

Sit back. Close your eyes and remember two things. You didn't lose your female friends when you came out. They moved and still within reach should you want to contact them. Also, remember your experience coming out to your parents. It led to horrible consequences. I know you live them and need them, but allow me to be pissed. I hope someday you'll find some healing therapy that might involve some sessions with them so they will be able to apologize to you.

Your friends are a different story. You've indicated that some are enlightened and some may need some education. Think about this. By coming out you have the potential of saving any of their future gay children a lot of grief.

All of these friends are important to you, but you won't have a true friend until that friend accepts you as you are. As you progress through life you'll need new friends who can relate to you and all of your issues.

I was married with two kids when I came out and I did not lose anyone. Perhaps I'm an exception, but I like to think that I wouldn't have chosen unaccepting people as friends to begin with.

I've thought a lot about people who stay in the closet with family and friends and the question is always this: do you really have family and friends if you can only have them by lying? It seems it's a lot like hiding in an attic like Jews in WWII.

Notice my signature disclaimer. Each person makes decisions they live with. I don't know if you're familiar with a very old schoolyard game, but right now I'm shouting, "red rover, red rover let Josh come over."

 

[Greenherbz]

Hey joshbuddz,

I like your underline style. It really helps those that don't have a lot of time to read through a post.

I did read the whole thread and congrats on coming out to your parents! As far as coming out to your straight friends, I never had any issues with anyone, even though one acquaintance of mind point blank asked me if I was gay about 2 years before I came out to him and he had no problem with it.

Another friend (my best friend from high school) could be a little tough talking and while he was never overtly homophobic, I wasn't sure how comfortable he'd be with me being gay. I told him and there was no problem.

Coming out definitely helped me feel more comfortable with being gay. I didn't have to hide who I was from people. I could talk about who I was dating, etc.

Is there a reason why you haven't made friends at college?

People say this all the time and it's true, if people aren't okay with you being gay, then they don't need to be in your life. I have a feeling at least one, if not most of your friends will be accepting.

If you are nervous focus on trying to make friends at your college so you'll have a support system if things go south. Also, get back in touch with your female friends so you have their support as well.

thanks atlover,
I guess I didnt make new friends @ college b/c I didnt really need to. I still have some of my friends from high school who live locally (and some of them are still in their last year of high school)... plus my school has a very lame "university campus-feel" and it feels more like a commuter school. I don't live on campus so essentially I show up for a couple of hours of class and then leave. Not much in the way of socializing.

I know at least one of my friends will be okay with it, but what if others arent and group dynamics makes the people who are okay with it not verbalize that they are. All my friends know eachother well, we all came from a private christian school and we have all (talking about my entire grade) stayed in contact pretty well (those of us still going to college in florida).

Josh,

The benefit of coming out to people is not in their acceptance of you, per se, but in your growing acceptance of yourself. As long as you stay in the closet, part of your psychology is telling you that being gay is not alright, that something about you is wrong. That's not true, and part of coming out is your gradual acceptance of that.

I can't speak to your friends, but here is something that was true about my friends, and I think is a similar situation with many men that are coming out. If you friends are truly worth having as friends, its because they love you. Your being gay shouldn't change that. Now, some of your friends may take a longer time to be accepting. For instance, the majority of my friends said some version of "So what?" or "We know." I have one friend in particular, who still jokes occasionally about how he doesn't understand why I don't like boobs. (I jab back that I don't understand how he doesn't like cock.)

I know Phil (let's call him Phil) is a good friend, and doesn't think any differently about me because I'm gay. But like the friends you are concerned about, he things being gay is a little weird. Just remember that it's taken you your entire life to be comfortable with being gay, and it took your parents a while too. It may take your friends some time, but they will come around.

Coming out of the closet is an intensely personal decision, and no one can tell you why or when you should. But I would suggest that if you are planning on rooming with other people, you should consider coming out to them before you move in. If they do react negatively, it would be better to know before you are living together.

I know this is utterly retarded, but I'm currently at the point where... If I tell them now, I may loose my housing option for next year. If they wont live with me, I have to go find housing and a new room mate. If I wait and tell them next year, then like you said it could cause problems living together already.

My ideal situation would be a relationship like you and your friend Phil has between me and my friends.

Yes, coming out helped incredibly. But coming out also left me feeling very frustrated about how much time and effort was wasted on trying to please my family. I wasted a lot of time thinking I was "supposed" to protect them, when in fact their only job was just to hope for my happiness. And my happiness required only that I be honest with myself, and them.

So coming out is not so much the solution, as the turning point. It still takes effort after that. And in a way, that makes the moment of coming out seem a little bit like a let-down. Now my life has come together, and the effort is showing dividends

I know that coming out wont instantly make me feel any better. I just always hear/read "make sure your comfortable with your sexuality before you come out: and truth is I'm not entirely comfortable yet. I'm just trying to get there... Is it okay to come out and even let my friends know that this is something I'm having a hard time with, its something I'm not entirely okay with yet... I still feel depressed/shameful over it. Are these signs that I shouldn't come out yet, or signs that maybe the quicker its out I can accept it and move on with my life.

Quoted for truth.

So far I have not lost any friends, not that I had many to begin with. But if I did, it's true that they aren't truly my friends anyway. In the long run it's better to find out NOW and move on with your life.

With me, it was VERY late in life, but I DID, and am now happily dating a really great guy. (And THAT is more important to me than what someone else thinks.)

It's NOT your job to please your "friends" by pretending to be straight when you are not.

Live YOUR life, not your friends.

Sit back. Close your eyes and remember two things. You didn't lose your female friends when you came out. They moved and still within reach should you want to contact them. Also, remember your experience coming out to your parents. It led to horrible consequences. I know you live them and need them, but allow me to be pissed. I hope someday you'll find some healing therapy that might involve some sessions with them so they will be able to apologize to you.

Your friends are a different story. You've indicated that some are enlightened and some may need some education. Think about this. By coming out you have the potential of saving any of their future gay children a lot of grief.

All of these friends are important to you, but you won't have a true friend until that friend accepts you as you are. As you progress through life you'll need new friends who can relate to you and all of your issues.

I was married with two kids when I came out and I did not lose anyone. Perhaps I'm an exception, but I like to think that I wouldn't have chosen unaccepting people as friends to begin with.

I've thought a lot about people who stay in the closet with family and friends and the question is always this: do you really have family and friends if you can only have them by lying? It seems it's a lot like hiding in an attic like Jews in WWII.

Notice my signature disclaimer. Each person makes decisions they live with. I don't know if you're familiar with a very old schoolyard game, but right now I'm shouting, "red rover, red rover let Josh come over."

Good points Soreknees,
I truly truly hope that when/if I do come out, it changes my friends views about LGBT people. I know that when I tell most of them their mouths are gunna drop wide open because I know none of them expect it... Im just very worried that instead of reassessing their assumptions of homosexuals, they will cut me out of their life. If I tell them and loose my friends then I feel like I'll be waaay more depressed than I am now and it wont make life any better at all.

this shit is scary but thank god i at least live in a place where it is legal

 

[altlover85]

thanks atlover,
I guess I didnt make new friends @ college b/c I didnt really need to. I still have some of my friends from high school who live locally (and some of them are still in their last year of high school)... plus my school has a very lame "university campus-feel" and it feels more like a commuter school. I don't live on campus so essentially I show up for a couple of hours of class and then leave. Not much in the way of socializing.

Well as I pointed out before, keep in touch with your friends that are girls. I'd rather have distance friends that were wholly supportive, than close ones I had to hide from. Right now I have no close friends I see on a regular basis, besides my boyfriend. Even though they moved after high school or after college, we still keep in touch online and through the phone.

I know at least one of my friends will be okay with it, but what if others arent and group dynamics makes the people who are okay with it not verbalize that they are. All my friends know eachother well, we all came from a private christian school and we have all (talking about my entire grade) stayed in contact pretty well (those of us still going to college in florida).

Ideally you come out to them one at a time. Then you can talk to the ones who are supportive before you tell the rest of the group. Ideally you come out to all of them relatively quickly though, so the friends that are supportive aren't saddled with keeping your sexuality a secret.

I know this is utterly retarded, but I'm currently at the point where... If I tell them now, I may loose my housing option for next year. If they wont live with me, I have to go find housing and a new room mate. If I wait and tell them next year, then like you said it could cause problems living together already.

While it will be difficult if you lose your housing option, having a new roommate may be a learning experience and opportunity for growth.

I know that coming out wont instantly make me feel any better. I just always hear/read "make sure your comfortable with your sexuality before you come out: and truth is I'm not entirely comfortable yet. I'm just trying to get there... Is it okay to come out and even let my friends know that this is something I'm having a hard time with, its something I'm not entirely okay with yet... I still feel depressed/shameful over it. Are these signs that I shouldn't come out yet, or signs that maybe the quicker its out I can accept it and move on with my life.

When I was first came out to my friends, I wouldn't say I was totally comfortable with being gay. I was mostly comfortable, but the point is, you don't want to let you not feeling 100% be a reason not to come out.

It's too bad you don't have any gay friends. Is there a gay and lesbian community center you could go to on campus or in the community? It might be good to talk to other GLBT people in person about their experiences and make a network of friends and acquaintances there.

You might also want to talk to a counselor or therapist about coming out.

Good points Soreknees,
I truly truly hope that when/if I do come out, it changes my friends views about LGBT people. I know that when I tell most of them their mouths are gunna drop wide open because I know none of them expect it... Im just very worried that instead of reassessing their assumptions of homosexuals, they will cut me out of their life. If I tell them and loose my friends then I feel like I'll be waaay more depressed than I am now and it wont make life any better at all.

Living the rest of your life closeted and having to hide who you are from your friends won't make your life any better than it is now either. It may hurt and you may lose a friend, but you deserve friends that accept you for you. Hopefully your friends will turn out to be those kinds of friends.

Good luck!

 

[aijalon18]

Tbh your problems seem less about you being gay and more about you being stuck in high school. High school is over and it is time to move on. And that might mean moving on from your high school friends. Just because you grew up with people and they know the person you were, doesn't mean they are meant to be around the person you will become when you come out totally. Your social life doesn't truly begin until you are out and living honestly.

You have to accept the possibility that some of your friends wont accept you. And you should be glad to be rid of those who wont accept who you really are. You seem like a decent guy who could make new friends. When you go away to college, especially when you're gay, you really, need to go away. It is the perfect opportunity to explore your sexuality (responsibly) and not worry about high school. Clinging to high seems to be limiting you.

 

[bankside]

I know this is utterly retarded, but I'm currently at the point where... If I tell them now, I may loose my housing option for next year. If they wont live with me, I have to go find housing and a new room mate. If I wait and tell them next year, then like you said it could cause problems living together already.

My ideal situation would be a relationship like you and your friend Phil has between me and my friends.



I know that coming out wont instantly make me feel any better. I just always hear/read "make sure your comfortable with your sexuality before you come out: and truth is I'm not entirely comfortable yet. I'm just trying to get there... Is it okay to come out and even let my friends know that this is something I'm having a hard time with, its something I'm not entirely okay with yet... I still feel depressed/shameful over it. Are these signs that I shouldn't come out yet, or signs that maybe the quicker its out I can accept it and move on with my life.

Basically you don't owe it to anybody to come out, unless it is someone you're thinking about being in a relationship with. But you don't owe it to anybody to keep it private either. Pick the timing to suit you, and you can always reach out to some new gay friends first before you decide to open up to your old friends or family. If you still have doubts about what it is like being gay (hint: it's a lot like anybody else's life) then find out first by meeting some different people as friends.

 

[Kyanimal]

Hey, Josh!

I'm a P.K. (Preacher's Kid), from a long line of Ministers, first male in many generations that did NOT go into "The Church", and that was mainly because I'm GAY! Not something that "The Family", whose surname is known throughout the state I grew up in, would necessarily appreciate being PUBLICLY known!

I did my best to play the "role" that I was destined to BE. I knew I was GAY, since I hit Puberty, but did my best, and thoroughly enjoyed, "playing" a Str8 Guy with lots of Girls, and exploring all things Sexual (with a few, VERY trusted Guys, in the mix), until I hit 30!

Talk about a "Coming OUT" problem! There are reasons I live 500 mi. away from "Home"!

But, when I finally admitted (to myself) that I was, indeed, GAY, my life completely changed, for the Better!

Not only did my immediate family accept me, and "My" Kev, who I think they like more than Me!, but my close friends, some of whom had a few "issues", also stood by me, too!

My point is, "Coming OUT" is not for anyone else but YOU! Yeah! It can be scary as Hell! But, the usual results are not anything what we've managed to convince ourselves it would be!

You've accepted Yourself! HUGE first step! AND, you've "Come OUT" to your family! THAT is Tremendous!!

What anyone else might think is, to put it concisely, doesn't Matter!

Relax! Be YOU!! And if there are those who can't quite handle that, THAT is THEIR Problem!!

It is NOT your responsibility to live up to everyone else's expectations. It is, however, your responsibility to be True to Yourself! And, when You do THAT, trust me, You will not regret following your Heart!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

1. Did coming out help you with being gay? I always hear gay people say they're so happy they came out... but I cant understand whats the benefit.

Yes. The benefit is self acceptance, and realizing that being gay isn't as a big deal as other people make it out to be. Some people take the coming out phase to extremes a do admit, and that's because they felt as if they have been hiding something for there entire life eventually that can start to eating and weighing on someone after time. Constantly feeling like you are hiding something, always afraid to talk to a cute guy, always watching how you should act, etc. etc. It's creates limitations, a barrier, so when it's removed there's a gain of self pride, and self respect.

How did it help me? It made me accept the term, but alongside of a relationship it started to make me feel more comfortable with being gay. Not feeling so weird about wrapping my arm around my guy, or holding his hand, etc. It has started to help me accept who I am, and feel comfortable about it. My direct family knows, a few friends, although I got to a point where I would never want to hide it. So, if people ask I do tell them, although most people don't. Probably because they don't want to make assumptions and be wrong.

2. If you did come out and lost a majority of your friends, or maybe important friends to you... what did you do next and how did you cope with it?

I've only had the experience of acceptance from friends and most of them are straight and not women. (I still find it funny that I asked my one straight friend dating advice and he gave me fishing tales to convey the concepts, <3 I love straight people wisdom, Haha.)
&& Well, my mom told me "No" when I first told her, but a few seconds later she was fine with it.
But I also do know some people have lost friends over it, for what they thought to be good friends. But you eventually have realize you are who you are, you accept it for yourself first, and then the rest really doesn't matter. People will always enter and leave our lives over time, and offer us something to take from the experience, but very few stay for the long stretch, and willing to help when things go south. There isn't anything you can do about persons intolerance and misunderstanding, besides respect it, and just give them there space. Take the higher road. Make them realize that there actions are unjust.

Usually when people find out or I tell people I am gay- I always act as if they should have known, for me this makes it easier. No one likes to feel stupid or like they missed something obvious. Everyone has there own way though, and you'll find yours, whenever you decide to go through with it. Don't worry so much about it, you have your family behind you, and that is all that ideally matters.

 

[terps420]

I'm going to try to put this in the most relevant way for you.

This is your life dude. RIGHT NOW. It's not going to wait for you. You're a college Freshmen, you're probably 18 or 19. When you eventually do come out, and you know you're going to because if you're already thinking about it, then it's eating away at you and you can feel it, you're going to regret not doing it sooner. Nobody wants to waste the best years of their lives hiding who they really are.

P.S. I was in your boat too, thought nobody would know 'cause I had girlfriends and exploited my heterosexual sexcapades, the whole nine yards. But alas, 'twas not the case. My penis in multiple vaginas or not. Your friends probably already know, real friends always do.

 

[Greenherbz]

I'm going to try to put this in the most relevant way for you.

This is your life dude. RIGHT NOW. It's not going to wait for you. You're a college freshmen, you're probably 18 or 19. When you eventually do come out, and you know you're going to because if you're already thinking about it, then it's eating away at you and you can feel it, you're going to regret not doing it sooner. Nobody wants to waste the best years of their lives hiding who they really are.

P.S. I was in your boat too, thought nobody would know 'cause I had girlfriends and exploited my heterosexual sexcapades, the whole nine yards. But alas, 'twas not the case. My penis in multiple vaginas or not. Your friends probably already know, real friends always do.

I KNOW! I'm 19 and in the prime of my life and it kills me that I'm not happy because I feel like I have a lot of reasons to be happy. If I loose my friends, I will have to make new friends and I dont know how I would do that [I know you guys cant really help me w/ that, that is my problem haha] its just my only reason for not coming out

I know for a fact my friends dont suspect it, I KNOW they dont.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I KNOW! I'm 19 and in the prime of my life and it kills me that I'm not happy because I feel like I have a lot of reasons to be happy. If I loose my friends, I will have to make new friends and I dont know how I would do that [I know you guys cant really help me w/ that, that is my problem haha] its just my only reason for not coming out

I know for a fact my friends dont suspect it, I KNOW they dont.

If you lose your friends, they were never REALLY your friends to begin with, and you've lost nothing.

You're young, so tho it doesn't seem like it now, the sad reality of life is friends come and go (for the most part). As you and your current friends go to college, and experience different lives - you with your gay life, and them with their straight lives - you more then likely will grow apart eventually.

You will be busy clubbing, living the high life boy chasing and they with their wives, and 2.5 kids, dog, and cat.

Those that you tell and are ok with it are who your TRUE friends are.

I think you are just scared that given the test, those that you think are your friends might end up not being.

Which is really OK. It might be just the push you need to force yourself to go out and make some new gay friends.

"A hungry wolf hunts better then a full one."

If you tell them and they are all ok with it, or if they are not, either way you WILL survive, and be better for it in the long run.

 

[Greenherbz]

The other night I went to see my parents about all this, and I told them that I was thinking about coming out to my friends. There reaction was kind of odd, but I understand I guess.
They dont want me to do it, and they dont understand why I want to do it. And frankly, I couldnt communicate to them why it would be a good idea.
Basically this is where they went with it;

"This could effect your future. You never know what is going to happen in the future. What if you want to get married some day, what if you meet the right girl. You are already unhappy now, loosing your friends could make you a lot worse and we don't think you could handle that. It will be all over facebook. etcc
how do i explain to them why there is a need to come out at all?

 

[borg69unimatrix]

It sounds like they are a bit in denial about your sexuality... which unfortunately is pretty common.

They will come around eventually. They are feeling a little remorse because they were expecting you to get married, have kids, live a 'normal' life.

And sadly is sounds like they are more worried about what the neighbors might say and think of them, then your best interests.

I went through this with my own parents. It just takes time for them to adjust and come around.

 

[Greenherbz]

Just as an update, I never did come out to anyone new. Just doesnt feel right.
I have applied to transfer to a university in orlando so hopefully I can get the hell out of here and have a better school year. I think it is for the best to get away from my home town
Have to leave behind the guy I was talking to though

EDIT** and I have also started seeing a new therapist who is actually really great

 

[pai mei]

just as a side note, you mentioned that some of your friends have said things like 'it's fucking weird,' etc.

i'd like to mention, that sometimes... well, i fact a LOT of times, guys, especially teenagers, early 20s, etc, guys say a lot of dumb shit they don't mean.

if i had kept track of the number of times one of my friends said the F word (the 6 letter one) in highschool and afterwards, i would've had to google the names of numbers that i've never heard of before, because it would've went so damn high. However, they were all very accepting when i told them, and didn't have a problem with it.

sometimes dumb comments are JUST dumb comments and don't actually represent someone's true feelings. especially at that age. not that that's supposed to make you feel better, but you have to think about your friends, and who you think they are as people, and not always about the dumb shit they've said.

 

[MindBlast]

Just as an update, I never did come out to anyone new. Just doesnt feel right.
I have applied to transfer to a university in orlando so hopefully I can get the hell out of here and have a better school year. I think it is for the best to get away from my home town
Have to leave behind the guy I was talking to though

EDIT** and I have also started seeing a new therapist who is actually really great

So you were afraid of losing your high school friends, but now you're going to lose them anyway moving away?