Once a cheater always a cheater?

[mtwtfss956]

I've been with my boyfriend like 6 years. I just found out he cheated on me last night and the last time he went out. Heaven knows how many more times he has done it. I found out through his sister who he confides in. Both times he says he goes out drinking with friends and ends up sleeping with them.

I'm ready to break up the relationship, I don't deserve this. I' have a really good job and I'm finishing my doctorate degree at U Texas. Problem is, what he drives is under my name and I helped him with the down payment. Either I let him keep it and he make the payments or I keep it. I don't trust him at all on being trustworthy with keeping up with the payments at all. He has lost every single car he has had. It's my credit on the line. Not sure what to do.

 

[bankside]

Not worth it. Ditch him. He can find his own car now. Protect your credit and your health. Get tested to make sure he hasn't put your health at risk as well as your credit.

 

[sixthson]

Get the keys and the car away from him, if you can. Then tell him you are leaving him. Tell him if he wants the car, he will need to get a loan of his own to cover it, then turn the title over to him. Be sure it's all done legally.

You could forgive him for cheating once, but it sounds like he is a serial cheater. You are right, you don't need this. You can do much better.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[mtwtfss956]

Thank you to those that responded. I did exactly as advised. Thanks!

 

[KaraBulut]

And for his interest, you and his sister might want to encourage him to get help for his drinking problem.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Looks like you've already made up your mind, but add me to the "Dump him and take the car" list of encouragements.

 

[bankside]

Thank you to those that responded. I did exactly as advised. Thanks!

Instead of fucking around, he could have had a hundred conversations with you a year ago if he was struggling or had doubts... I'd go to the ends of the earth for my guy. But I'm a big believer that when someone sabotages a relationship, it is usually best to let him get his way and end it.

I'm sorry to hear your news but glad you found out and had a chance to do something about it.

 

[TX-Beau]

You don't sign for a car for which you don't want financial responsibility. If he has been paying on the car, and did put down some money upfront, you don't ethically get unilateral say over it. Legally if the title is in your name you can take it, but the whole car thing sounds like vindictiveness on your part. Who's name is on the title?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Your partner's sister is a tattletale. Talk to your boyfriend, maybe there's more to it than meets the eye, and I'm not talking about The Transformers.

 

[mtwtfss956]

Thanks to everyone that has responded. To answer some of the questions, yes, the car title is under my name only. He does know he has a drinking problem, but nonetheless ignores it.

His sister is in the same boat, she is married through the church and has been cheating on her husband for the past four months. I guess it runs in the family. His other sister, has four kids, all by different fathers. I guess you all get what I am trying to say.

On another note, I was just remembering that he cheated on me a while back ago as well. I had been in a car accident and I couldn't walk. That night he told me he was going out for a few drinks and he left. When he came back, I noticed, and confronted him right away. He admitted it, I forgave him and we moved on. So from my own counts, its already 4 times.

Its been difficult on me because I have given the relationship everything I could, my entire family knows about me and they have accepted him as part of the family. Sometimes I feel I am getting to old to start all over again..

 

[KaraBulut]

...I guess you all get what I am trying to say.

That there has been all sorts of red flags and flashing lights but that your own codependence has enabled him to get away with all sorts of things, until now?

Congrats on what will hopefully be both an end and a new beginning.

 

[Seasoned]

Your ci-dependency doesn't automatically stop when you end this relationship. Like addicts, co-dependents are hard wired and need some type if intervention or the next boyfriend is more if the same, sometimes with a different addiction. Addicts and co-dependents find each other like magnets. Addicts need caregivers and ci-dependents need someone to fix. Believe me, saying "never again" isn't enough. Best wishes.

 

[mtwtfss956]

I appreciate everyone's feedback.

It has been very helpful.

 

[Georgiadude]

I read your thread and the replies. I agree with your decision to dump him. to answer your question in the title, not always but the vast majority of times yes. cheaters cheat and to think that someone is going to change their cheating ways is foolish. yes it can happen but their track record usually speaks for itself. I've been down that road and learned a very hard lesson. it won't happen again.

Steven

 

[dhchitown1984]

"Baby, I never want to hurt you like that again. I felt you hurt when you were crying. I never want to make you feel like that ever again." - Those were the words my ex said to me prior to cheating on me with five other guys.

Old habits die hard.
Get tested.
He's disrespected your trust
He's disrespected your love
He's disrespected your loyalty
He's disrespected your health
He's disrespected your financial security.

You made a rightfully selfish decision to end this relationship. You're one day closer to a better life today.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I went through this 3 months ago (and in my previous relationship). Run away. When it's a habit (and not an honest mistake) they never change, they will keep doing it and he probably did a lot of times before that.