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Once a mentor, always a mentor ?

chrisdobro

chrisdobro

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From my previous experience at a men's group I was assigned a temporary mentor. As usual, mentor's responsibilities are to guide me, advise me, introduce me to things and so on.

After the allotted period of time his mentorship expired. He found out about my interests (watersports) but I said I was not comfortable talking about it, so he stopped. By the way he happened to be gay.

Later 8 or so month after the mentorship ended, he asked me about my kinks, and I told him. He then said that he always had this fantasy of a guy pissing on him, and he described how that can happen. It seemed like he was hinting on something. I told him that there are guys out there that can make it happen for him, but that I was not offering to do it with him as his mentorship is not that far behind me. He said that mentorship is over and that he doesn't trust other guys and that he may be open in trying that with me.

What do ya think ?

Before you answer, here are some thoughts of mine: he is a guy with a lot of connections, ones which I can use, and he is a big people person, which can help me as before he offered to introduce me to guys and I can use the offer of meeting guys. But now I get a feeling that it is not necessarily in his interests to do so, as he apparently wants to try things with me. Either way... I can try keeping him as a friend, which I'd like to do either way if possible, due to non-sexual benefits I can get, if I can get them at all. I mean I'd like to keep him as a friend or to use his position and skills to meet other guys for friends and for play.

If you ask me I am not that interested in doing sexual things with him. However, his fantasy did turn me on, and I wouldn't mind making it a reality with him, but probably only once.

What do you think is a good course of actions here ?
 
I dont think you should do it.. My reasoning is that you can still be friends with him, and not have to do anything sexual with him.. I don't think you're really that attracted to him persay, but the idea of having sex and doing some nice kinky shit. (It entices everyone I think.)

But I also think that a one night stand kinda of thing would only backfire.. Giving and then taking away all that pleasure and what not.. The sex would probably suck anyways because you won't really have any passion there to put into it.. Not that I'm experienced at all.. But I am a bit of a romantic so sex - passion = sucks to me.

So, I would say be friends without the sex. I'm sure he will still help you out even if you don't have sex with him. If not that my opinion of him would drop dramatically. Friends help friends, not friends help friends only if that friend fucked him, thats just messed up.
 
sounds potentially very complicated.
 
Actually the thought of having sex with him to get the benefits did not enter my mind. In fact I was afraid I may lose the benefits (mess the situation up) by having sex.
 
thats a good possibility.. hes attracted to you more than you're attracted to him.
 
I'd be more comfortable with it if *you* approached *him* first, rather than vice-versa.
 
I think more information is needed about the nature of the men's group in which you met. What is its purpose?

Mentorship doesn't sound like the right term for a relationship that is dropped after a certain period - that sounds more like a buddy system to me.

It seems you're still seeing each other, but is that socially apart from the group context, or are you seeing each other at the men's group meetings?

If you're not that interested in doing sexual things with him then you shouldn't. This all sounds a bit like abuse to my mind.
 
He's not a mentor. Mentors do not reach the point of discussing sexual kink with their accolytes.

I'm not understanding your storyline these days. You had a partner, you were in your late 20's, now you're graduating from college and writing about scat and golden showers in the HT and relationship threads.

As an opportunist who wants to use this guy for connections, you have to decide whether he will only make it happen for you if you piss on him or whether he has even a shred of respect for you as a person.

Everyone has to set their own price within the market. Your call.
 
Yup. I am having quite a bit of a problem in understanding your storyline here.

Be as it may, IMHE, dudes with connections, or as you call him,
a big people's person
Click to expand...
tend to see sex as an extension of their power position withing the group.

More likely than not, he really wants to jump your bones (one way or the other) and he sees that you may not be that thrilled with the idea, unless there is an extra little fringe benefit for you to sweeten up the deal.

Now, it is really your call to decide, if you want to go there. I also believe that he may want to see it as some sort of 'friendship with benefits'. In other words, you'll be getting the benefits of his connections and networks for as long as he gets the benefits of having you as a play partner.

SC
 
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