One big mind fuck

[bhandsome]

My lack of accepting my sexuality has caused nothing but mental stress. I'm starting to think that the events that have been happening to me are signs. To make the reading easier I created a list instead of paragraphs.

- Whenever I speak to my moms friends, they always ask if I have a girlfriend yet. My same response is no and its getting quite annoying; but this is happening more than usual. Especially since my mom starting asking.

- My mom always seems to bring up when I'll have kids one day or get married: implying being married to a woman. This has happened like every week and the thought of telling her I'm gay crosses my mind every time. These conversations usually start after seeing something on tv or in person related to kids.

- I feel kind of empty at times, like somethings missing. I feel the reason why I have never been interested in having a relationship is because I don't know myself. I feel that if I accept myself as being gay then everything will fall into place.

- I have been asked by more than one of my fraternity brothers if I'm gay, usually while being drunk, and I deny every time; even though I want to say yes I just can't find the courage too admit it. I have no doubt that a good amount of them already think I'm gay but no one has approached me about it.

I'm just tired of hiding and coming out is easier said than done. I see so many young men my age who are gay and are accepted by so many people, yet I'm still hiding. Idk what it is I'm afraid.

 

[anchihiro]

Well what you're feeling is common, just in need of being braver. Also maybe coming out will give you confidence and help you stop feeling like you lack an identity.
You have one you're just afraid to be you. But there's nothing wrong with being you.

 

[Seasoned]

Being afraid to admit you're gay is causing stress. This, as you admit, is taking a mental toll and probably a physical one as well. It might be affecting your studies and certainly your relationships. It sounds like the stress is starting to outweigh the fear. The irony is that coming out in a supportive environment will end the fear and the stress immediately.

If I were you, I'd do some serious thinking about the safest people in your life to come out to, should you chose to come out.

It's unfortunate that in a heterosexist society the expectation is that everyone with pair with the opposite sex. If you seem incapable of coming out and your stress level rises get some therapy to help with strategy. You are entitled to own who you are and be out amongst the living.

Count on a lot of us here as cheerleaders.

 

[palemale]

To start with, quit the fraternity.

 

[bhandsome]

Thank you guys for the positive reinforcement. It sounds like the next step is telling someone, but I just need to decide who...

To start with, quit the fraternity.

What will that solve? I'm not going to get started as too how ridiculous that sounds. All that needs to be said about this statement is that my brothers are my best and closes friends. The problem is me, not the fraternity. Running away doesn't solve anything.

 

[bhandsome]

I have been doing some thinking over the past few nights and I have decided to take the step and mentally accept myself as being gay. Although I am still unsure, I don't know how exactly to know if I REALLY am gay.

The only solid evidence I have knowledge of is watching alot of gay porn. I have never had a girlfriend. But I do get sexually excited around certain guys, doing sexual things. Idk its going to be a long process...

Explaining to whomever I decide to come out to that I think I'm gay because I watch porn isn't necessarily comfortable.

 

[PLM2012]

My lack of accepting my sexuality has caused nothing but mental stress. I'm starting to think that the events that have been happening to me are signs. To make the reading easier I created a list instead of paragraphs.

- Whenever I speak to my moms friends, they always ask if I have a girlfriend yet. My same response is no and its getting quite annoying; but this is happening more than usual. Especially since my mom starting asking.

- My mom always seems to bring up when I'll have kids one day or get married: implying being married to a woman. This has happened like every week and the thought of telling her I'm gay crosses my mind every time. These conversations usually start after seeing something on tv or in person related to kids.

- I feel kind of empty at times, like somethings missing. I feel the reason why I have never been interested in having a relationship is because I don't know myself. I feel that if I accept myself as being gay then everything will fall into place.

- I have been asked by more than one of my fraternity brothers if I'm gay, usually while being drunk, and I deny every time; even though I want to say yes I just can't find the courage too admit it. I have no doubt that a good amount of them already think I'm gay but no one has approached me about it.

I'm just tired of hiding and coming out is easier said than done. I see so many young men my age who are gay and are accepted by so many people, yet I'm still hiding. Idk what it is I'm afraid.

Hey dude!

It looks like you're moving along just fine. I'm in college, too, and it took me a LONG time to figure everything out.

I agree with you in the fact that quitting the Fraternity isn't necessary. But, I have had a friend come out at his school and he was kicked out of his fraternity, so just as a warning - SOME PEOPLE may not be as accepting at others, I think they were scared of how it looked on their image.

My best advice is just to be yourself. I struggled a long time; I tried to deny it to myself and convince myself I was straight, and then I decided I was gay and okay with it.

But, what really did the most good for me was when I ACTUALLY hooked up with a dude. It was one of my good friends, someone I trust a lot, and it solved a lot of issues for me. I figured out that I didn't like guys as much as I thought I would, and I actually like hooking up with girls just as much as guys. It helped me and it may help you to actually try stuff out and see how it is.

Also, overall, our generation is very tolerant. I doubt your closest friends would betray you if you did tell them something. Maybe talk to your best friend and explain the situation, and ask him not to tell anyone (make sure he's not the gossiping type). Talk through things and maybe you will realize something when you are speaking aloud rather than in your head.

Hope all goes well.

 

[bhandsome]

Hey dude!

It looks like you're moving along just fine. I'm in college, too, and it took me a LONG time to figure everything out.

I agree with you in the fact that quitting the Fraternity isn't necessary. But, I have had a friend come out at his school and he was kicked out of his fraternity, so just as a warning - SOME PEOPLE may not be as accepting at others, I think they were scared of how it looked on their image.

My best advice is just to be yourself. I struggled a long time; I tried to deny it to myself and convince myself I was straight, and then I decided I was gay and okay with it.

But, what really did the most good for me was when I ACTUALLY hooked up with a dude. It was one of my good friends, someone I trust a lot, and it solved a lot of issues for me. I figured out that I didn't like guys as much as I thought I would, and I actually like hooking up with girls just as much as guys. It helped me and it may help you to actually try stuff out and see how it is.

Also, overall, our generation is very tolerant. I doubt your closest friends would betray you if you did tell them something. Maybe talk to your best friend and explain the situation, and ask him not to tell anyone (make sure he's not the gossiping type). Talk through things and maybe you will realize something when you are speaking aloud rather than in your head.

Hope all goes well.

Thank you so much. I think your right, my next step is to actually test the waters and see how I feel.

 

[alexjames1234567]

Thank you so much. I think your right, my next step is to actually test the waters and see how I feel.

Hey there! I can definitely connect with you on a whole lot of levels. I too am in a frat. First off there really is no need to quit. I told one of my brothers and he was fine with it. I understand the pressure and how it adds just a whole new level of stress. Like others before me the best advice I can give is find the most trustworthy good friend to tell. That may be someone from high school who isn't with you at college. Whatever you do choose with care because some people even if they are accepting have big mouths and its obvious that you aren't ready to be out to the world (as am I). But not to fear it will come along for both of us I'm sure. Tell someone and believe me you will physically feel a weight lifted off your chest. You will walk with a spring in your step the following morning. Coming out isn't always about telling other people it's finally coming to terms with yourself about your sexuality and who you are. Also remember about 10% of people are gay so there are plenty of guys who are going through the same thing you are right now.

There's this cool project going on right now called the "It Gets Better Project." If you have a spare moment youtube that and watch a few of the videos. Now I know that project was inspired by the suicides of a few gay teens and your situation is a bit different but the message is the same. Your life WILL get better the more you accept yourself and come out to others slowly. I know I am miles happier than I was five months ago because I finally came out! Don't feel rushed or pressured by anyone. You need to do it when it's right for you. It may seem like a mountain to climb, but so many have done it before you and you can do it too! We're all rooting for you!


Alex

 

[fetaby]

I feel kind of empty at times, like somethings missing. I feel the reason why I have never been interested in having a relationship is because I don't know myself. I feel that if I accept myself as being gay then everything will fall into place.

It will.

I'm glad to see you feel this way. It means you know what your truth is even though you are having some difficulty showing that to others. This is normal. Of course there is some difficulty involved. But every single person in the world faces some difficulty of one kind or another.

I was also glad to read your reaction to the suggestion of quitting the frat. I believe the idea behind the suggestion was that the people there would not be supportive of you, and could possibly try to harm you. I think at one time this could have been true. Now though, the world is a different place. And the younger people are cut from a different cloth.

 

[bhandsome]

@alexjames1234567 Thank you for your insight. I am aware of the Trevor project and the videos are very inspiring.

@fetaby Thank you

 

[djmigra]

I have been doing some thinking over the past few nights and I have decided to take the step and mentally accept myself as being gay. Although I am still unsure, I don't know how exactly to know if I REALLY am gay.

The only solid evidence I have knowledge of is watching alot of gay porn.


Damn man...I am in the EXACT same boat as you. I wish I could just say, "ok, i'm gay", but I'm still struggling also, wondering if I just have a porn fetish or i'm gay. I can't remember the last time I got off to straight porn. Even when I first discovered porn when I was like 12, I was just concentrating on the cocks. Gay porn is pretty much the only thing that does it for me anymore.

 

[fetaby]

To all you fuckers in here wondering if it's just the porn or if it's truly being gay...

Try fantasizing a sexual experience. Who do you imagine yourself with? Who gets you hard?

 

[bhandsome]

To all you fuckers in here wondering if it's just the porn or if it's truly being gay...

Try fantasizing a sexual experience. Who do you imagine yourself with? Who gets you hard?

I imagine guys lol