One month of living in hotels....

[ChickenGuy]

....as of today.

That's how long it's been since I left Edinburgh and came down to Brighton, and I've not found an apartment, or a room sharing with others. There's very little on the market, and the prices (for rental on my own) are ridiculous - £1,200 ($1,850) a month.

I mean, I want to stay here - it's a great place to be out and proud, and I've joined a gay sports organisation and done walking, badminton, ten-pin bowling, and made some brief aquaintances, but this hasn't yet led to making any friends, or meeting up with any guys.

I've unfortunately not had the courage yet to go into any of the gay bars on my own, and there's no-one to go with me. I really want to see guys and socialise, but it's not easy for me. I end up just wandering around, passing by the crowds and the bars, then going back to the hotel room.

I'm as frustrated as anyone about all this. A lot of it is down to my personality.

I wish things could be different.

 

[altlover85]

$1,850 for a studio or $1,850 for a 1 BR? What kind of room are you looking for?

Do you like reading or going to museums or the theater or cinema? If you can find things you like to do then you might be able to find like minded people at the places you go to.

I would focus less on guys and more on just making friends in general. If you do it that way, you'll have a support system and will up your chances of meeting guys because your friends might know someone who is interested.

Also, I would think that many places won't rent to you unless you have a job or someway of proving that you have money in the bank. Have you looked on Craigslist for sublets?

 

[bankside]

....as of today.

That's how long it's been since I left Edinburgh and came down to Brighton, and I've not found an apartment, or a room sharing with others. There's very little on the market, and the prices (for rental on my own) are ridiculous - £1,200 ($1,850) a month.

I thought Edinburgh was your destination after you left Tiny Town of the North... What takes you to Brighton?

 

[soulseeker]

Why did u not move to London? I heard lot of hottie there

 

[geloge]

What about a shared house? I know it can be annoying, but it's a cheap option.

 

[BiMike]

Why did u not move to London? I heard lot of hottie there

It is probably the most expensive place to find accommodation in the UK!

In regard to renting a flat you can only get reasonable terms in the UK if you sign a 6 month contract and are able to satisfy the landlord in regard to your financial situation.

 

[anchihiro]

Why don't you go on spareroom.com

People aren't going to invest in a new friendship with someone who hasnt planted roots yet.

 

[altlover85]

Anchihiro, do they have a US version?

 

[anchihiro]

No idea sorry i'm from England, but i'm sure there must be similiar websites to that one in the U.S.A.

 

[unloadonme]

There's all the difference in the world between the town where you grew up CG and Brighton and I can totally understand why you want to stay there. You remind me of a kid in a sweet shop though and the fact is that you can't have everything you see, at least not straightaway.

If I were you, I'd consider two things. Firstly geography. You originally moved to Edinburgh where there's also a gay scene and where you met people through various gay societies. You posted about attending gay pride events in Edinburgh and Glasgow and you seemed to be settling in. I think you only moved on because your flat had been pre-let for the Edinburgh Festival period.

If I were you, I'd be concerned that staying in Brighton would cut me off from my family. At least in Edinburgh, you can travel home to see your father relatively easily, and you've posted before about cousins you have on the mainland. Don't forget your family in all of this. Gay friends can be pretty transient, but your family will always be there for you.

The second thing I'd consider is money. Staying in hotels isn't cheap and, although you've posted about windfalls you've been lucky enough to have received, I doubt that even you can keep this up indefinitely. You need to find somewhere to live which is financially sustainable and you need to find a way to earn enough to maintain yourself in the long term.

Prices in Brighton are high. London, as another poster has said, is ruinously expensive. Edinburgh, I image, is more reasonable. What I don't know about is the jobs market. Have you looked for work in Brighton? Would the chances be better in Edinburgh?

Whatever you decide to do, once you're settled you should try to meet people away from the sexually-charged atmosphere of most gay bars. The sports clubs you've joined are a good idea; you never know when you'll meet someone who "clicks". You could also try using the JUB resource. We Brits are thin on the ground, but there are other Jubbers in the south of England and in and around Edinburgh/Glasgow and you could always try organising a JUB meet. At least you've attended one already, so you know the form.

Whatever you decide to do, the very best of luck dear boy.

 

[Alan]

CG that sounds really expensive.

Unloadonme talks a lot of sense, so do listen to what he has to say.

When I left my home town for London many moons ago (where I stayed for 8 years) to start with I got myself a live-in job in a pub (straight as it goes). Sorted me out for accomodation and I soon got to meet lots of people - some of them a bit dodgy as I was in Soho but mostly lots of nice people, one or two of whom I'm still in touch with today.

I know you're not much of a drinker, but it was a start for me until I got enough money together for a flat. I ended up having my own shop 5 years later.

Anyway, that was ages ago and I'm back home now.

I've had a few adventures similar to yours. In 1981 I set off to Jersey on a one way ticket but I was back home after a couple of weeks as I'd gone too early in the season and there weren't any jobs going. But in 1984 I set off again and I got myself a one way ticket to Lloret De Mar and had to work for very poor wages. (It was before Spain was in the EU and I was an illegal alien actually!) But I met my first real love through an English girl I met there. And most of all I had the best twelve months of my life. I'll never forget the experience.

You never know what's gonna happen. So keep an open mind, and maybe stick it out for a bit longer if you really like the place. Get yourself out of your comfort zone a little.

Good luck CG. And at least you know you can easily get on the train and back to your dad's if you need to.


Alan

 

[Alan]

Or he could simply come to Yorkshire and live with you Ulom...

(a joke - ok not a very good one..)

I thought it was quite funny!

 

[jizzeater]

Good luck, ChickenGuy! Hope you find something soon.

 

[ChickenGuy]

I thought Edinburgh was your destination after you left Tiny Town of the North... What takes you to Brighton?

There happened to be the massive pride event down here the same week I had to pack up and leave my apartment in Edinburgh. I had no other plans, and all my stuff was in the car, so I just thought 'what the hell' and drove all the way down. And I'm glad I did - that weekend was great.

In regard to renting a flat you can only get reasonable terms in the UK if you sign a 6 month contract and are able to satisfy the landlord in regard to your financial situation.

Everywhere I've asked has insisted on this 6-month minimum term business. It wasn't so strict as this in Edinburgh. I'd much prefer a shorter commitment.

What about a shared house? I know it can be annoying, but it's a cheap option.

I'd rather go down this option, because as you say it's SO MUCH cheaper, plus they're more informal about payments and will allow you to pay monthly or even weekly, which is good. Also, you have more social opportunties living with other guys - it's good to have the company (IF you're lucky enough to find the right sort of people to stay with)

Why don't you go on spareroom.com

I use the website my cousin recommended - gumtree.com - they have daily updates for any town/region in the U.K. plus a gay/lesbian flatshare option for you to choose. It'd be nice to live with guys who are like myself (although I may be being a bit too choosy)

If I were you, I'd be concerned that staying in Brighton would cut me off from my family. At least in Edinburgh, you can travel home to see your father relatively easily, and you've posted before about cousins you have on the mainland. Don't forget your family in all of this. Gay friends can be pretty transient, but your family will always be there for you.

All my family have my mobile number, and I've got calls from quite a few of them since I moved down here. I speak with my dad about twice a week - in fact, he may come down to visit me in a month's time. You can fly direct from Inverness to Gatwick (not very far north of here) and I can use the same service to get home quickly if I needed to. So all's fine on that front.

The second thing I'd consider is money. Staying in hotels isn't cheap and, although you've posted about windfalls you've been lucky enough to have received, I doubt that even you can keep this up indefinitely. You need to find somewhere to live which is financially sustainable and you need to find a way to earn enough to maintain yourself in the long term.

I realise this, and I'm all too aware of the huge amount living like this is costing - it's already by far surpassed the cost of my holiday to the United States. The cheapest and best option is renting a bedroom in a larger house - it can be as cheap as £90 a week. My current hotel (including parking) is £420 a week. I've visited two houses so far, and two others fell through at the last minute. It's frustrating but I'll just have to be patient.

I've had a few adventures similar to yours. In 1981 I set off to Jersey on a one way ticket but I was back home after a couple of weeks as I'd gone too early in the season and there weren't any jobs going. But in 1984 I set off again and I got myself a one way ticket to Lloret De Mar and had to work for very poor wages. (It was before Spain was in the EU and I was an illegal alien actually!) But I met my first real love through an English girl I met there. And most of all I had the best twelve months of my life. I'll never forget the experience.

I'd love to travel, but I think I should get used to becoming independent and self-sufficient in this country first before trying to live in others. The walking group here occasionally visits France - we're very near Newhaven which runs a ferry service to Dieppe, France. P.S. I was in Lloret de Mar once on holiday - we stayed nearby in Santa Susanna. One of my aunties spent a long time working in that region when she was young.

 

[asadoyayunta]

Not sure what standard of apartment you're looking at, but the last time I looked for a place in Brighton, small studio apartments started at about £650 a mnth.

House sharing is a great option, but remember there is heavy competition for places and you may have to sell yourself in an interview-like situation to get a place.

There are some great small pubs in Brighton that are gay or mixed and not at all intimidating. Try The Star on Manchester St, The Camelford or The Marine Tavern.

Pick up GScene magazine for a good overview of what's going on on the gay scene.

 

[BiMike]

Everywhere I've asked has insisted on this 6-month minimum term business. It wasn't so strict as this in Edinburgh. I'd much prefer a shorter commitment.

Clearly there is more demand for short term rentals in Brighton compared to Edinburgh. As you have found it is a pleasant place to stay and probably the weather is better than Edinburgh

Best of luck with your house share, I think that is the way to go in your present situation.