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Online Dating?

L

LateNite85

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Hi guys. So I'm considering doing the whole online dating thing. You know, put up a profile, scope out the others...hopefully meet some decent people. But I wanted to know if you think it's worth it. Those of you who did it, did it work out for you? Any recommendations for good dating sites? I don't want any hook ups or anything. I'm not really sure if I even want a relationship...just want to get out there in the dating scene. So, where are the gay friendly, not-so-hookup-oriented, dating sites?
 
My brother met his wife via an online dating service.

I met my partner online. However, we met while playing online video games rather than in a dating/hook-up setting.

I'd certainly give it a try. Just keep your expectations at a realistic level (the first guy you meet might not be what you're looking for)...

Lex
 
Hi there:

I'm actually currently subscribing to match.com. I think it's a great way to meet others for a relationship. Depending on where you live, there are lots of attractive guys on there.

I too am not looking for a hook-up, but rather a real relationship.

I've also searched on craigslist...I know sounds crazy...but there are other like-minded people on there too.

Don't bother trying out eharmony because they don't allow you to search for people of the same sex.

Anyway, give it a try. It's not really expensive, and you may be pleasantly surprised!

Keep us posted.
 
There's a new thing called Chemistry.com, which is the closest thing to e-harmony, but they take everyone, including gay people. You can sign up free after you fill out a profile and they'll send you up to 5 matches a day for nothing. If you want to go further, they have a guided communication thing, but you have to pay for all of that and it's not cheap. Good luck.
 
I met my present BF via a small regional m2m dating site some 6 years ago. So, yeah, it has worked for me.

Here is my policy:

I am into meeting younger dudes, college kinda, mid 20's - early 30's guys. Most of them do not go to the pay sites, coz they simply lack the cash and frankly, they do not need to part with their scare dough to get laid. So, it is only FREE dating sites I am interested in. Never spent a single penny on them.

Putting up a profile on one site may or may not work. Since it is all for free anyway, place your profiles AND your active ADS to as many sites as you possibly can. It is called 'copy and paste' and we all do it for living, too. And be very patient. All the good things take their time.

Every site has its fair share of creeps, trolls, fakes and flakes, etc. . That comes with the teritory and you simply have to put up with it. Do not discard any site, as long as it is free, just because it may sound 'creepy' to you, i.e. Craig's. You have got nothing to lose and possibly everything to win.

Be truthful and honest but make sure that you have all your options open. Putting down things like 'sex only in a comitted relationship' will first off, turn down a big number of people, who will not want to even consider starting a serious relationship without making sure that it all works well in the hay, too, and second, you will most likely trigger a usual 'controlling and obsessive type ahead' alarms all over the place. When it comes to friendships and possibly relationships, people do not want to live under the impression that they have nothing to say about it at all, since you had figured it all out long time before and now, all is being played out according to your scenario.

Yeah, and loads of good luck, too.

SC
 
90 percent of the guys i've ever hooked up with and 100% of the guys i've ever dated have been via the internet in some form. i don't think it's anything to be ashamed or embarassed about... just make sure you know the guy and are comfortable with him before meeting in person. it can work out pretty well if you give it a chance, depending on what you're looking for.
 
Well it's a chance you take when you decide to do online dating. Or dating in general is all a big risk you never know what you might find. And I don't see anything wrong with online dating..| because you get to talk with the person first before meeting them lets you no what kind of person they are on the inside. But just remember to play it smart and be very careful. You don't wanna get no serial killers or anything like that :eek: LOL.
 
SilverRRCloud said:
I met my present BF via a small regional m2m dating site some 6 years ago. So, yeah, it has worked for me.

Here is my policy:

I am into meeting younger dudes, college kinda, mid 20's - early 30's guys. Most of them do not go to the pay sites, coz they simply lack the cash and frankly, they do not need to part with their scare dough to get laid. So, it is only FREE dating sites I am interested in. Never spent a single penny on them.

Putting up a profile on one site may or may not work. Since it is all for free anyway, place your profiles AND your active ADS to as many sites as you possibly can. It is called 'copy and paste' and we all do it for living, too. And be very patient. All the good things take their time.

Every site has its fair share of creeps, trolls, fakes and flakes, etc. . That comes with the teritory and you simply have to put up with it. Do not discard any site, as long as it is free, just because it may sound 'creepy' to you, i.e. Craig's. You have got nothing to lose and possibly everything to win.

Be truthful and honest but make sure that you have all your options open. Putting down things like 'sex only in a comitted relationship' will first off, turn down a big number of people, who will not want to even consider starting a serious relationship without making sure that it all works well in the hay, too, and second, you will most likely trigger a usual 'controlling and obsessive type ahead' alarms all over the place. When it comes to friendships and possibly relationships, people do not want to live under the impression that they have nothing to say about it at all, since you had figured it all out long time before and now, all is being played out according to your scenario.

Yeah, and loads of good luck, too.

SC
Click to expand...

There is one part of your post I would have to disagree with about the part about sex before a relationship. Although I don't put that information in my profiles on online dating, I'm not into having sex with a person without knowing them first. I find it very ass-backwards when men who always wanting to sex with a person first and date them afterwards. As with all relationships, I let all the men that I'm talking to online know I'm not going to have sex with them in the beginning b/c that seems to be inserting pressure. They should be able to be on the same page and understand that.
 
Kayman23,

Good for you...

Like I said, "Here is MY policy"... It works for me. I hope, yours works for you.

SC
 
Thanks for the helpful advice guys. Actually, I think SilverRRCloud's advice was good. While I most certainly will not be having sex anytime soon (and I too would only have sex in a committed relationship), it may be a good idea not to spell it out so clearly so that I don't turn away too many guys. Besides, I'd rather have that conversation in person.

I've been checking out the sites. The prospects look okay at best. The guys (or at least those in my region) seem to be quite picky. Just from my searching on match.com, my ethnicity and height don't match most profiles in the "about my date" section...apparently you're a hot commodity if you're white, asian, over 5'8" or any combination of the three. Luckily there were also a handful of profiles that caught my eye. Who knew so many intelligent good looking men were dating online? :D

Maybe I'll get the guts and join in or maybe not. We'll see. I'm still incredibly shy (really really shy...but I'll save that for another thread) and I don't wanna join just to flake on everyone. Who knows. My New Year's Resolution is to grow a pair so we'll see what happens.
 
join.

just chat as friend at first then if you want to meet go out for coffee or something lite where you can talk and get to know face/face. a lot of guys misrepresent them selfs over the internet, you can be anything you want behind a keyboard but in person it's different.

never lead guys on like "oh i think i like you" with out meeting them face/face.
get a few pics, new ones.
meet in public first time.
dont give out to much personal info on the profile, or on IM
dont put to much stock into it,
 
Even though I'm young, you can call me old school if you want but I gave up on the whole meeting guys online thing.

I have many reasons to do so.

1) I think you won't find a good relationship online because it's too much pick and choose, like you're shopping for an object that you will naturally get tired of eventually.

2) It's my understanding that actively seeking to be in a relationship is a bad thing that speaks for deeper troubles, a sense of feeling incomplete that requires you to be with someone in order to feel you're standing on your own two feet.

3) All the guys I've met online were weird in a way and had some pretty serious issues, which lead my relationships with them to collapse in the same pattern... The Net is a great way to advertise yourself as something else first, like you're trying to sell yourself.

4) Ultimately I found that in order to meet someone, you need to have solid foundations as a character, be happy with what you are, have goals in life, do what you do best and love the most (sports, community involvement, music or whatever), not seek to be with someone and statistically you'll have more chances of meeting someone "the old fashion way".

Of course online dating cuts it for some people but it doesn't do it for me (I've stopped it 2 years ago after many bad experiences). Building my character up and getting involved in the field I love the most led me to meet my boyfriend with whom I share the same values, hopes and dreams.

Just my two cents. :)
 
I largely agree with benlemieux. While online dating is really just another venue for dating (not necessarily better or worse than any other), it has significant downsides. I find that it causes me to focus too much on the superficial. After a while, all the profiles merge into one parade of profiles which are only easily distinguishable by their pics and stats. Those things say little about the most important components of compatibility--personality, humor and overall demeanor. It's as if a person is described by hundreds or thousands of dimensions of information, but online is only able to capture a half dozen of them.

Moreover, too many lonely guys online are just looking too hard for a relationship. The older I get, the more I feel that a relationship is not something found by looking. It's something that happens while you're busy living your life--working hard, doing hobbies, enjoying life, contributing to your community and otherwise being an interesting and decent person.

In the end, it's easier to simply go online and post an ad than it is to find ways of growing and enriching our own lives with people who share those same interests. For me, online just hasn't worked. Then again, I know a number of people who have met their perfect match online. I think the key is to not solely rely on online dating. Spend some time online, but also spend some time out in the real world.
 
Two free online dating sites are okcupid and lovetastic. Lovetastic is exclusively for gays. It's a very good site, but there haven't yet been too many members. I think it needs more publicity, so here I am doing my part =)

Still single myself, I can't attest to whether online dating is better or worse than the old-school dating scene. However, I think it is certainly one of the few avenues available for many people, myself included. I am pretty shy, don't go to bars/clubs, haven't really come out to my friends, and don't really have a network of gay friends. Add to that my zero gaydar. So online dating is at least one way to go.

Ditto the comments above about all the superficial aspects of it. In my experience, one problem with online dating is that it leads you to create a mental image -- an expectation -- of someone, which many times turns out to be false. The guy can be totally honest, and everything in his profile may be true, yet when you finally meet in person, something is different. And different not necessarily in a bad way. Yet, it causes some disappointment because he is different in real life than what you imagined him to be.

With the old school dating scene, you don't have an imaginary expectation. What you see is what you get.
 
okcupid is fun. There are lots of tests to keep you occupied when you're not exactly finding Mr. Right :) I have an account on Lovetastic, but there just aren't a lot of guys on there. Last I looked (which admittedly was a while ago), it cost a decent amount of money to get the most out of the site. I actually got a free year or 6 months through work (the partner of one of the founders works where I work), but I think the price may have gotten in the way of accumulating the critical mass of members.
 
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