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Online hook ups: Should I do it?

Appleman34

Appleman34

Sex God
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I met a guy a few weeks back online and we added each other on Skype. We had a few cyber sex sessions, and now he's talking about meeting me so we can have sex in real life, but he lives on the other side of the country (in LA. I live in Florida).

I don't even do tinder/grindr hook ups because I'm too scared and paranoid. What if he tries to kill me? What if he has an STD? What if our vibes aren't the same in person and he's (or I'm) too awkward to have fun? What do we talk about when we're done? How do I go about meeting him safely?

He says he has the money for flight and a hotel, which adds even more questions... why can't he just find a bottom in LA? There're plenty. And it's not like we have some amazing connection. Most of our conversations are sexual.

Also, he's only bicurious. He likes when I sound feminine (which isn't my natural voice). What if he chickens out and isn't curious anymore once we start?

Sorry for the series of self-deprecating questions lol, but I just need someone to tell me that I'm crazy for thinking all of this, or that I have a point and shouldn't meet him. I'd REALLY love to meet him, but I've never done anything close to this before, so advice would be helpful.
 
From info in your posts I'd suggest meeting someone from your own area. The situation sounds...not right. Actually it's suspicious and dangerous as hell.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
From info in your posts I'd suggest meeting someone from your own area. The situation sounds...not right. Actually it's suspicious and dangerous as hell.
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Damn... I was secretly hoping you guys would tell me I was overreacting haha. He's so hot...

But yeah, I don't feel comfortable with the situation either.
 
The red flag is the fact you've only met online and it's only been a few weeks. It seems strange that he's willing to go through the trouble and expense of flying cross country.
 
I think the flying across country thing sounds like a red flag too....and so do you...so there is your answer.....

ALWAYS pay attention to red flags...
 
There's two things going on-

Appleman34 said:
What if he tries to kill me?
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On one hand, you're over-analyzing the situation with a lot of "what if" questions that vary from rational to irrational.

Appleman34 said:
He says he has the money for flight and a hotel, which adds even more questions... why can't he just find a bottom in LA? There're plenty. And it's not like we have some amazing connection. Most of our conversations are sexual.
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On the other hand, that little voice in your head is telling you that something is not-quite-right with this guy and with this situation. You should listen to your little voice.

Not every fantasy should become a reality. It sounds like there's nothing to be gained from someone flying across the country when you're satisfied with cyber and you're not interested in anything more.
 
I'd just ask him right out if he's only coming to have sex with you, and is he that turned on to you that he'd do that.

As for the "flying across the country" thing, I can't agree with others here. I have - in hopes of a relationship becoming more "real" and less a telephone/Skype/email thing - flown across the country. Of course, I once lived in San Francisco, and am now in Connecticut, so perhaps it's the fact that I lived across the country for over half my life, and don't mind going back over there. But I wasn't going only for sex, so that seems - to me - to be what you should also be asking yourself. Besides which, there is always the chance that once you say "yes," you will find that he hems and haws about actually coming. Nothing turns a fantasy relationship (of whatever sort: sexual OR intimate) off quicker than someone saying, "yup, I'm game. Come on over/down." That's when you find out if the person means it or not. And frequently, they don't, for the reason already mentioned.
New experiences, such as meeting someone who lives far away, are part of life. We travel, yet if someone's willing to travel to meet us, it creates anxiety. Before embarking on the adventure, be cool with yourself and the possibilities, and THEN that voice might be different. Working from a position of fear makes it hard to determine his motives. Yes, it's very easy to find a bottom in LA. Or in Connecticut, for that matter. But maybe there's more there than just sex (for him). The only way you'll know is to ask him. You have nothing to lose by being upfront with him and telling him you're flattered he'd fly all that way just to have sex with you, or is there more to it than that for him? It solves a lot of misunderstandings when people communicate very clearly, which, in many cases, doesn't happen as often as it should.
 
^true, but when people travel across country it's usually because they've gotten to know a person over at least many, many months. I got the life partner that way, though neither of us set out to do a lifelong relationship thing, it was more a matter of life goals coinciding that he moved in in the first place. Regardless, the op said convos were generally sexual and that they hadn't known each other long.
 
He seems too ready to go through all the trouble of meeting you in person. Keep it cyber-only. If he's too pushy and still wants to meet up, there's yet another red flag.
 
Since he has the money for the flight and a hotel, why not? You are not out any money. Talk with him about your concerns and nervousness. Communication works wonders when you are meeting someone. Let him know that he will have to entertain himself if the chemistry doesn't work.

Get his full name, home address and phone number since you have concerns about safety. Give this information to your closest friend or relative. Have that person to call/text you about 30 minutes after you meet him. This will be your bail-out call if things don't go well.

Meet in public for the first time. Go have a biscuit and coffee at McDonald's. Talk to one another to see how things goes. If things go well, then you will be having lots of sex. If not, then he will be seeing the sites in Florida without you.

Use condoms since you have concerns about STDs.

I have hooked up with lots of guys online. Most of them have been really nice guys. Most of them I have not seen since the hookup. A few of them we still keep in touch.

On the other hand, none of my guys came from across the country.
 
Find someone that's local who is not basically a complete stranger who does not want you to travel to another part of the county to meet them.

Seasoned said:
The red flag is the fact you've only met online and it's only been a few weeks. It seems strange that he's willing to go through the trouble and expense of flying cross country.
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I agree it's a major red flag.
 
Apps are mostly a joke. Even hot guys admit it. If you're a slut in my city you don't need no fucking app to get ass. I've been trolled by multiple people, but one really pissed me off. He's smart, it wouldn't surprise me if he's on this site. So here's my rant....

I just wanted to shop at the store you work at. You acted weird around me. You stared at me like a deer in headlights. I came across your OKC profile on a distance search.... you looked familiar and happened to be close to my city residence. After a couple profile pics it became obvious it was you and I clicked onto another guy not thinking anything of it.

For this you made up false personas with fake pics and lied to figure out where I live. Why do you want to know? Why didn't you just look at my ID - it's required by law? I just wanted to buy weed from an i502 store and pay my taxes. Now I got to drive further because of you? This is my chill island since birth.... my turf.

Just because I'm not attracted to a 22yo twink/geek doesn't make me less gay or a-sexual. I have a niece who's 21 and it's just grosses me out. I like men my age. Not boys like you. Have fun on that joke of an app. You're obviously not getting much action if you have so much time to troll.
 
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