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Online Relationship Went Bad

OK so, let me try to explain some of it better.

My online friend is real. It's not just a few chats, we've talked every day for half an year. We skype a few times a week from his home, his office. I feel like I know everything about him. We send each other pictures of where we are and what we are doing all the time. I know he sounds like a bad guy to you for playing us; I have some concerns as well. Most of all, I feel like he is not sure about what he wants. And that sucks, I hate this; but it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. And it certainly doesn't mean we don't have a connection, because I have never talked to anyone like I can with him. I guess, it is similar for him since he stayed in this for so long, even though he was in a relationship at first. Also, he did try to speak to his now ex to fix the issue, but the guy just won't listen - he's out for blood. My friend also spoke to the ex's sister as he hoped she'd help, but she didn't really. He is trying to give me support and even said at one point that I should cancel the trip as he wanted to protect me, but I told him I don't want to. I don't want to hide behind my fears, I prefer to live this dream. I will try to handle the consequences. What sucks though is that this will make me talk about my sexuality to my parents at a moment when I am certainly not ready to. As I stated in the initial posts, I had never even done anything with a guy until recently. I am just starting to explore and I don't want to be rushed to 'confess' something I am not sure about. So that's why I would like to stop this blackmail. I agree the police won't care much, even though I am sure it is a criminal offence. Finally, to the person above, I am not trying to run away or anything, it is just a week over there. I want to have this travel, I want to have this adventure in my life, I want to meet this person for real. It is important for me. And who knows, if it feels natural, we could make further plans to meet...
 
I still think that the reason you feel so connected to him is that you don't have any other outlet in your real world. At this point he's still an idealized relationship that mostly exists in your head or through an electronic device. I don't mean that what you're feeling isn't real, I mean that it's a real cause for concern when you're feeling this for someone who haven't actually met.

If you did have a real-life outlet, gay friends, a supportive group of family and friends, you wouldn't be putting so much at risk on some guy you met online in another country.
 
daOne8 said:
OK so, let me try to explain some of it better.

My online friend is real. It's not just a few chats, we've talked every day for half an year. We skype a few times a week from his home, his office. I feel like I know everything about him. We send each other pictures of where we are and what we are doing all the time. I know he sounds like a bad guy to you for playing us; I have some concerns as well. Most of all, I feel like he is not sure about what he wants. And that sucks, I hate this; but it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. And it certainly doesn't mean we don't have a connection, because I have never talked to anyone like I can with him. I guess, it is similar for him since he stayed in this for so long, even though he was in a relationship at first. Also, he did try to speak to his now ex to fix the issue, but the guy just won't listen - he's out for blood. My friend also spoke to the ex's sister as he hoped she'd help, but she didn't really. He is trying to give me support and even said at one point that I should cancel the trip as he wanted to protect me, but I told him I don't want to. I don't want to hide behind my fears, I prefer to live this dream. I will try to handle the consequences. What sucks though is that this will make me talk about my sexuality to my parents at a moment when I am certainly not ready to. As I stated in the initial posts, I had never even done anything with a guy until recently. I am just starting to explore and I don't want to be rushed to 'confess' something I am not sure about. So that's why I would like to stop this blackmail. I agree the police won't care much, even though I am sure it is a criminal offence. Finally, to the person above, I am not trying to run away or anything, it is just a week over there. I want to have this travel, I want to have this adventure in my life, I want to meet this person for real. It is important for me. And who knows, if it feels natural, we could make further plans to meet...
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You're getting the reaction you are getting because you are telling us you are in love with, and know everything about a guy you've never met. When actual evidence is that he's been flirting with you while being in an actual relationship with another guy.

Who is now going to out you. There is absolutely no way to stop him. There are consequences for every decision you make. Being closeted will always mean being a target because you give mean people a huge stick to beat you with. Next time don't piss off a vindictive boyfriend, and you won't get more people talking to your parents. All three of you are sharing the blame on this one.

Nothing on the net is real, it's all pixels. Now if you aren't careful it can become very real in a very bad way, as you are currently experiencing.

You're closeted, probably young, inexperienced, and frankly, not a little naive. Some advice, what guy does is telling you the truth about him. What he says, not so much.

You can't have a relationship with a laptop, and you don't know anything about the guy until you've met him. In person, and even then you don't know him until you've put in the time. What you see on the screen isn't going to hate your friends, leave the dirty dishes in the sink, blow you off when you just wanted the blow, or any number of things that make up the bumps in a relationship.

A laptop also isn't going to cuddle with you on the couch, and isn't going to give you that blowjob under any circumstance. You need to get to know real people to know what's real.

All else is just fantasy.
 
You could take his blackmail "power" away by coming out to your friends and family. Tell them you're being blackmailed and to put an end to it youre going to tell them the truth. That way when he tries to tell them they can tell him they know and he can go pound sand. Either way your family and friends are going to find out. You may as well make it on your terms. It's not going to be easy but coming out is different for everyone.

Steven.
 
sixthson said:
He is threatening to out you to your parents and friends. The police won't care about that.
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It depends where he lives, of course. Luckly here it´s seen as an offense and you can take legal action against it.
 
aaggii said:
It depends where he lives, of course. Luckly here it´s seen as an offense and you can take legal action against it.
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Nowhere in the U.S. that I can think of is it illegal to threaten to tell your parents you're gay, Threatening to tell your parents unless you give him cash, that would be illegal.

But it doesn't matter anyway since your local cops don't have any authority over citizens of a foreign country or the power to censor the internet in someone else's country.
 
TX-Beau said:
Nowhere in the U.S. that I can think of is it illegal to threaten to tell your parents you're gay, Threatening to tell your parents unless you give him cash, that would be illegal.

But it doesn't matter anyway since your local cops don't have any authority over citizens of a foreign country or the power to censor the internet in someone else's country.
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I didn´t read anywhere he is from the US, that´s why I wanted to let this be known. And nowhere in there I said about authority in another country or censoring anything, where on earth did you get that from?
 
aaggii said:
I didn´t read anywhere he is from the US, that´s why I wanted to let this be known. And nowhere in there I said about authority in another country or censoring anything, where on earth did you get that from?
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?

Yeah I was pointing out that your cops have no authority over guys in other countries. Like the net guy and his X. It doesn't depend on where he lives, the X lives elsewhere and his cops can't do shit about anything no matter what things look like wherever the fuck it is you are.
 
TX-Beau said:
?

Yeah I was pointing out that your cops have no authority over guys in other countries. Like the net guy and his X. It doesn't depend on where he lives, the X lives elsewhere and his cops can't do shit about anything no matter what things look like wherever the fuck it is you are.
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In the US, maybe. Which is stupid, because it makes it so much more difficult to take care of things like someone illegaly using your credit card in another state, for example. Then again, that IS a crime, and it seems that someone threatening you isn´t.
 
Yeah no cops have authority over guys in another country, not even in Spain.
 
TX-Beau said:
Yeah no cops have authority over guys in another country, not even in Spain.
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I never said they did, get some reading glasses. I said ´state´ as ´a state in the US´ which is supposed to work as ONE big nation made of 50 something states.

How can one say it clearer than this, I don´t know.
 
Yeah that's completely beside any kind of relevant point, the OP is in one country, the vindictive X is in another, and there is nothing the OP's cops can do to the X no matter what country the OP lives in, or what his laws say.

I have no idea why you are bringing up all that other shit.
 
Just a reminder- this is the No Flame Zone. Pause for a moment: if your comments aren't directed toward the OP, then you probably shouldn't be posting them. If you feel strongly about advice that was given, you can always take it up with the commenter in PM.
 
update:

The ex-boyfriend didn't tell my parents. He told me he just wanted to scare me off and he wouldn't actually do it. Which is nice even though he played some deep psycho games on me. I told him I was sorry that things happened this way and that was it.

I went on the trip and it was everything I ever hoped for and more. I see many of you disapproved, but you know what they all say in the movies: "follow your heart". I did and I was the happiest I have ever been. I don't know what will happen now and if we can make it together for real at some point, but I believe now that anything is possible. So just leaving this here in case anyone needs to hear this.
 
daOne8 said:
update:

The ex-boyfriend didn't tell my parents. He told me he just wanted to scare me off and he wouldn't actually do it. Which is nice even though he played some deep psycho games on me. I told him I was sorry that things happened this way and that was it.

I went on the trip and it was everything I ever hoped for and more. I see many of you disapproved, but you know what they all say in the movies: "follow your heart". I did and I was the happiest I have ever been. I don't know what will happen now and if we can make it together for real at some point, but I believe now that anything is possible. So just leaving this here in case anyone needs to hear this.
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Thanks for the update...it is nice to hear how things turned out...

I also believe that anything is possible...and sometimes the things that seem impossible can and do happen....and I wish you the best outcome...

BUT...keep the other part of your post ALWAYS on the table in your mind...."he played some deep psycho games on me"

Why? When a man shows you who he is...believe him! These are words to live by....so do yourself a favor and think about that. Ignoring it is a mistake......
 
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