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Only desiring straight?
youfiad

youfiad

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Ok. So first and foremost I don't want anybody to get the impression that I think that non "straight-acting" gays are less of people than the more "masculin".

BUT, I have a problem with even having the desire to date a guy that I knew was gay before they even told me. It gives me this deep desire to only want to date straight guys, which I know is imposible. Am I the only person who is going through this, or has this happened to any of you, and how did you deal with it?
 
youfiad said:
Ok. So first and foremost I don't want anybody to get the impression that I think that non "straight-acting" gays are less of people than the more "masculin".

BUT, I have a problem with even having the desire to date a guy that I knew was gay before they even told me. It gives me this deep desire to only want to date straight guys, which I know is imposible. Am I the only person who is going through this, or has this happened to any of you, and how did you deal with it?
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Just the same as you pretty much. I find it a big turn off if they act WAY too feminine. If only some of those straight guys were actually curious and would give off hints!!
 
Bingo!
I'm right there with ya. I'm a "straight acting" bi guy, and only attracted to other "straight acting" guys. Just my preference, although it makes it hard to find them.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with being feminin, I have many feminin gay friends. But it's not what I look for in a relationship. I like to play sports, play video games and do "straight" things. I don't like shopping, or any female things, and I don't want my sexuality be my defining quality. And I feel that is how it tends to be with the more feminin ones, in my opinion. Most people don't believe that I am gay when they find out and it's just frustrating that I can't find anybody that I am interested in.
 
Straight - "acting" is a myth. Straight men don't have a market on masculinity. Masculinity is self-made. Woody Allen is straight: does he seem "straight-acting" to you?

C'mon. "Acting" means you're not being yourself. And only liking straight guys? You really need to look at that, brother. It's like women who say, "I can't stand women." Or Black men who say they could never be attracted to another Black man. It's called self-hating. If that's the path you're on, you really should be talking to someone about this.
I lived in San Francisco for 30 years. There were masculine guys, less masculine guys, neutral (like the guy in Two and Half Men [the leech, who's not feminine but also not very "straight-acting" (and he's straight!)] and guys who lean toward feminine behaviour. There's an entire continuum between masculine and feminine behaviour. You're getting nuked by a belief system that is not going to make you a happy person down the road.
 
mcbrion said:
Straight - "acting" is a myth. Straight men don't have a market on masculinity. Masculinity is self-made. Woody Allen is straight: does he seem "straight-acting" to you?

C'mon. "Acting" means you're not being yourself. And only liking straight guys? You really need to look at that, brother. It's like women who say, "I can't stand women." Or Black men who say they could never be attracted to another Black man. It's called self-hating. If that's the path you're on, you really should be talking to someone about this.
I lived in San Francisco for 30 years. There were masculine guys, less masculine guys, neutral (like the guy in Two and Half Men [the leech, who's not feminine but also not very "straight-acting" (and he's straight!)] and guys who lean toward feminine behaviour. There's an entire continuum between masculine and feminine behaviour. You're getting nuked by a belief system that is not going to make you a happy person down the road.
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I agree with all of this. I dislike the term entirely! 'Straight-Acting.' That would be having heterosexual relations!

I do understand why such a label exists, though, but I feel it contributes to the /illusion/ that there aren't masculine gay men. And so the ones that are seen as masculine are 'straight actors,' as though they are an exception to the norm: we're mostly feminine or have feminine qualities, or don't do things other men do.
 
mcbrion said:
Straight - "acting" is a myth. Straight men don't have a market on masculinity. Masculinity is self-made. Woody Allen is straight: does he seem "straight-acting" to you?

C'mon. "Acting" means you're not being yourself. And only liking straight guys? You really need to look at that, brother. It's like women who say, "I can't stand women." Or Black men who say they could never be attracted to another Black man. It's called self-hating. If that's the path you're on, you really should be talking to someone about this.
I lived in San Francisco for 30 years. There were masculine guys, less masculine guys, neutral (like the guy in Two and Half Men [the leech, who's not feminine but also not very "straight-acting" (and he's straight!)] and guys who lean toward feminine behaviour. There's an entire continuum between masculine and feminine behaviour. You're getting nuked by a belief system that is not going to make you a happy person down the road.
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I'm happy to use the term 'straight-acting', and I'll continue to do so. The problem with the term 'masculine' within the gay community is that it conjures up images of 'macho' stereotypes such as bears, daddies and the beefier leather brigade. The term 'straight-acting' does what it says on the tin ie, not a screaming drama queen, and not a charicature of 'masculine' but an 'ordinary' bloke in the street with no obvious outwardly gay mannerisms. I can't think of another phrase that conveys the same thing that would be instantly understandable. Like it or loath it, it's one of those phrases that everyone understands.

I'm 45, been out since I was 17, have had 3 partners (2 of which died - which is the only reason the relationships ended) and in all that time I can count on 1 hand the number of negative experiences regarding my sexuality. I've always spent more time in the company of straight people - mainly because I can't stand the superficiality and image obsessed gay scene. That said, I have a large number of gay friends - some feminine, some macho, some drag queens and a couple who are transgender. My attraction towards someone is based on the person they are. Whilst I'm more attracted to 'ordinary' gay men, I don't have a 'tick list' that I use to determine who I'm attracted to - in fact my second partner was camper than a row of lace tents. Am I self-hating? No. Am I unhappy? No. And I'm not going to apologise for being attracted to the kind of people that my body and brain say I'm attracted to instead of the kind of people that a politically correct utopian world thinks I should be attracted to. :)

I really think that this over-analysis of some of our social behaviour has caused more friction and problems than it's solved. However, there IS something wrong when someone won't even contemplate a relationship (or even a one nighter) with a particular race or an individual with specific physical or vocal mannerisms or abilities.
 
i do feel the same thing.. knowing the guy is gay is a huge turn off to me.. when having sex i prefer me as more into him than me .. its weird but its true, i dont really have any plans on having a relationship with str8 guys all i need is their body.. after all im just more interested on having my own family..
 
i'm a regular masculine guy and i hate when people ask me if i'm "straight acting" as if my mannerisms are an act. i remember when kids said i "acted white" because i didn't use slang or cuss. those two terms are on the same level to me. saying i prefer a more masculine guy is much better on the ears.
 
To be honest for me this is definitly the case, I honestly cant stand men acting like women, to me it just kinda says "hey look, im gay" i dont need people knowing i suck dick just by opening my mouth, if thats who you are then fine but its not at all how I am and I defintly look for a guy that youd never guess was into guys
 
CanadianTwink420 said:
To be honest for me this is definitly the case, I honestly cant stand men acting like women, to me it just kinda says "hey look, im gay" i dont need people knowing i suck dick just by opening my mouth, if thats who you are then fine but its not at all how I am and I defintly look for a guy that youd never guess was into guys
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Exactly!!!!
 
CanadianTwink420 said:
To be honest for me this is definitly the case, I honestly cant stand men acting like women, to me it just kinda says "hey look, im gay" i dont need people knowing i suck dick just by opening my mouth, if thats who you are then fine but its not at all how I am and I defintly look for a guy that youd never guess was into guys
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Yeah, I feel the same way. The only problem is, the only way you can know if they're gay is by them telling. WHere I live, that's usually not the case... The only gay people I know are the more feminine ones. I don't in any way say that they're bad people. But it's not my type of man. The guy I date has to be able to beat me in hockey....
 
I'd like to understand more about "knowing the guy is gay is a huge turn off to me." Can anyone who has posted in this thread explain why that happens? Why, because he likes to suck cock or whatever, is that a turn-off to you? I'm serious; I just want to understand why it's a turnoff.
 
bw92116 said:
I'd like to understand more about "knowing the guy is gay is a huge turn off to me." Can anyone who has posted in this thread explain why that happens? Why, because he likes to suck cock or whatever, is that a turn-off to you? I'm serious; I just want to understand why it's a turnoff.
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I don't know if I interpreted what he meant correctly. But, the way I interpretted it was that he doesn't want to know the guy is gay before the guy tells him. Like, if it's apparent that he's gay by the way he behaves, etc. That's just how I interpretted it.

For me, that's a turn-off. And as I said before, it doesn't mean the person is a bad person, it's just not the type of guy I would date, most likely. Just a personal preference.
 
So it's a turnoff by reason of their feminine or swishy behavior? And not just knowing they like to suck cock? So, for example what if it was a very masculine guy, who you would assume was heterosexual, but he happened to have a rainbow flag on his shirt or whatever - the only clue that he was gay. If you knew this guy was gay because of that flag, but otherwise would have no idea, would that still be a turnoff?
 
bw92116 said:
So it's a turnoff by reason of their feminine or swishy behavior? And not just knowing they like to suck cock? So, for example what if it was a very masculine guy, who you would assume was heterosexual, but he happened to have a rainbow flag on his shirt or whatever - the only clue that he was gay. If you knew this guy was gay because of that flag, but otherwise would have no idea, would that still be a turnoff?
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Look, we can go through what-ifs all day long. But I think you get the point fairly well. If not, well then, Im sorry. But, to answer your first question about it being a turnoff for their behavior or just for the fact they like cock. I would say it would be the behavior. I don't care if the person likes cock. I would assum any gay guy would.

Again, this is just a personal preference and isn't meant to be an insult to anybody.
 
I understand why others are made uncomfortable by your position. It is the old idea of judging a book by its cover. No one wants to be on the other side of that stereotyping.

It's interesting that you are concerned about your straight acting preference, i.e. that you felt the need to start a thread about it. I think there is some uncomfortableness with your own sexuality or perhaps a fear that you betray yourself in some way.

You want to police the behavior of others by only being open to those who act straight. Are you ever concerned that maybe you stray outside of straight acting? How would you feel if you told someone you were gay/bi, and they said they already figured that out?
 
MikeHere said:
I understand why others are made uncomfortable by your position. It is the old idea of judging a book by its cover. No one wants to be on the other side of that stereotyping.

It's interesting that you are concerned about your straight acting preference, i.e. that you felt the need to start a thread about it. I think there is some uncomfortableness with your own sexuality or perhaps a fear that you betray yourself in some way.

You want to police the behavior of others by only being open to those who act straight. Are you ever concerned that maybe you stray outside of straight acting? How would you feel if you told someone you were gay/bi, and they said they already figured that out?
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It has nothing to do with being on the other side of that stereotyping. We can sit here all day drawing up situations in which I am sure you wouldn't budge. For example, would you date a guy that was 600 pounds? Maybe, but I doubt it. It's because you have a preference of somebody more thin than that. Mine just happens to be one with which many do not agree because it touches so many more, potentially even those who are replying. Could I say the same thing that you are uncomfortable with your weight because you don't weigh 600 pounds and don't want to date somebody that does?

If somebody foun out that I was gay/bi, and didn't want to date me because of it, oh well. I couldn't care less. I realize that not everybody likes the same thing, and it isn't because of their own insecurities. Or else, everybody is insecure about everything they don't like in other people..
 
We all have preferences. I was seeking to understand why you felt the need to tell us about yours and why you wanted to know if others felt that way. It seemed particularly relevant since you were talking about a preference for someone whom you perceive as not being what you are.

And, the question wasn't about someone not dating you because you're gay. The question was how would you feel if someone figured out you were gay before you told them. In other words, someone read you as not straight-acting.
 
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