open relationships and being caiught in the middle

[headhunter71]

i recently became friends with someone i've known of for several years. we've always had an attraction but either i had a bf and was off the market or we never connected. he's in an open relationship and is very upfront about it. anyways, we've been hanging out for a while now and have gotten quite close, we speak and email everyday, hang out a few times a week and have been very sexually involved. i'm now starting to have feelings and i know i can't get anymore out of this then i currently have but it's becoming frustrating as we do seem to have a connection.

we've spoken about the situation and decided if it gets to out of hand we'd stop anything physical and focus on the friendship, and i don't want to ruin that. he's such a great guy and is someone i really want as a friend which makes it harder.

do i bite my tongue and continue have amazing sex and leave it at that or do i cut it all off and move on?

 

[ajax49]

If you are incapable of sharing him, then you'd better move on.

 

[G-Lexington]

You can either get over your petty jealousy at not being able to "own" this guy, and enjoy the wonderful relationship you do have with him.

Or you can leave and try to find a guy who CAN "own".

Choice is yours.

Lex

 

[sixthson]

IMHO, and for what it's worth, an open relationship is dishonest...not because the parties involved are not open about what they want, but that it really is no relationship at all.

You entered into such a relationship knowing the ground rules, now you have made the mistake of wanting something more. Odds are, once the sex is over, so will be the friendship. It is very difficult to remove feelings and emotions from a sexual relationship, unless you are heartless. Again, only my opinion.

 

[NineOfClubs]

You need to listen to Lex.

And, as to an open relationship being "no relationship at all", I call bullshit. It's like a comment you'd hear from the religious right, you know, a "marriage between a man and a man is no marriage at all".

headhunter, try to get over your need for more, and your jealousy.

You have a better thing going than most guys.

You're seeing someone you've known for years, a guy you've long had an attraction for. He was completely honest with you going into this. A lot of guys will meet someone who is available and single, and will be "used" and strung along by him until, like in your case, they develop feelings--then they'll be dropped instantly.....

 

[sixthson]

You need to listen to Lex.

And, as to an open relationship being "no relationship at all", I call bullshit. It's like a comment you'd hear from the religious right, you know, a "marriage between a man and a man is no marriage at all".

Well, you would call it that, wouldn't you?

And, umm, if the religious right cannot define marriage, why should you be able to? You may say you are in an 'open relationship' but you can never say you are in a committed one. If your other half said to you that he no longer wanted an open relationship, would you comply or would it end the relationship?

 

[pausanias_usa]

Back to basics: he likes open relationships, and if you can't deal with that, cool off and take it back to friendship.

But you knew that?

 

[Just_Believe18]

Sounds to me all you are getting out of it is sex and friendship. This thing lasts for a little bit, and then ends.

If you want something substantial, you get a relationship.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Open relationships work for some people and do not work for the others. There is nothing good or bad about them. They are good for some and bad for some, too. It really comes down to the people involved and their personalities, desires and views on partnership, friendship and sex.

I would simply go with the flow and enjoy all I have at the moment. Good friendships tend to last a very long time anyway. There is no reason for you to cut out the fun part in an attempt to save your 'friendship'. If your friendship really lives or dies by the virtue of your reciprocal sexual attraction, you may want to reconsider the usage of that word.

Many guys, who are happy in 'open relationships', including my BF and myself, would never ever even vaguely consider going back to the 'committed, monogamous relationships'. Once you found out what works best for you, you stick with it, and you do not want to change that. Frankly, no matter, how hard you try, your 'friend with benefits' will, in all likelihood, be a very bad 'monogamous boyfriend material'.

Thus, enjoy the friendship and fun and see, where it takes you to.

SC

 

[headhunter71]

You can either get over your petty jealousy at not being able to "own" this guy, and enjoy the wonderful relationship you do have with him.

Or you can leave and try to find a guy who CAN "own".

headhunter, try to get over your need for more, and your jealousy.

back up boys, not once did i say i was jealous, nor mention wanting to "own" him.

 

[G-Lexington]

Then where's this "frustration" coming in? You have a great friend, and he's giving you great sex. What's frustrating about it?

Lex

 

[headhunter71]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

months later and we are still friends, in fact we are more like best of friends and we are still intimate. we hang out several times a week, usually with other friends and we make time for some fun on the side a few times a week.

in a sad way its the best of both worlds for me. i get a best friend who i get to have crazy hot sex with, without the hassles of a relationship (i just got out of a bad ltr so i'm not looking for another right now).

there have been a few snags along the way. he got jealous that i was being chatted up by someone at a bar and he left. the next day he apologized and admitted to being jealous even though he knows he has no right to be. i am not jealous of his partner in any way, in fact i think i get to see him much more than he does. we spend every weekend together, he's never at home he's always with me or his friends.

we've had several conversations around this whole situation and agree its fucked up, but we enjoy each others company so much we're prepared to stop with the physical stuff if need be to remain friends or until i meet someone else that i want to be with.

in the meantime, i have gone on a few dates but with no one who was very interesting or that i had much in common with.

so, for the time being we are friends who also happen to be fuck buddies who also like each other a bit more than we should.

 

[D8Na2R]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

The whole concept of friends with benefits has been around a very long time.

I think just about everybody has tried it.

All I can say is I personally don't know of a single case that it didn't really hurt one of the parties involved.

Let's face it. One always gives more to it or gives up more for it.

There's my .02

 

[EvilForce]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

months later and we are still friends, in fact we are more like best of friends and we are still intimate. we hang out several times a week, usually with other friends and we make time for some fun on the side a few times a week.

in a sad way its the best of both worlds for me. i get a best friend who i get to have crazy hot sex with, without the hassles of a relationship (i just got out of a bad ltr so i'm not looking for another right now).

there have been a few snags along the way. he got jealous that i was being chatted up by someone at a bar and he left. the next day he apologized and admitted to being jealous even though he knows he has no right to be. i am not jealous of his partner in any way, in fact i think i get to see him much more than he does. we spend every weekend together, he's never at home he's always with me or his friends.

we've had several conversations around this whole situation and agree its fucked up, but we enjoy each others company so much we're prepared to stop with the physical stuff if need be to remain friends or until i meet someone else that i want to be with.

in the meantime, i have gone on a few dates but with no one who was very interesting or that i had much in common with.

so, for the time being we are friends who also happen to be fuck buddies who also like each other a bit more than we should.

Just because someone is in an open relationship doesn't mean there is never any jealousy.

Open relationships work great for some people, and don't work at all for others. I don't see any problems with your relationship with him unless you are really wanting more, and not going out meeting people that might fill your needs and desires. My advice is to relax, enjoy it for what it is, and keep your eyes open for a man that you can work towards a LTR with.

 

[racer2438]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

You knew what the situation was as you came into it. You are having some jealousy issues come up and thats going to kill this situation. It always does.

So you have to come to terms with what you want. Do you want to have the friendship and the sex, or just the sex, or just the freindship, or nothing at all.

If you cant deal with it then you may need to back off and move on as this can only get worse if you continue wanting to have him all to your self. The other couple is open to each other and they can handle it, but it seems that you cant. If you continue on same path someone is going to get hurt.

 

[headhunter71]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

once again...i never once said i was jealous????

he is.

 

[EvilForce]

Re: open relationships and being caiught in the mi

once again...i never once said i was jealous????

he is.

Jealousy isn't a good or bad thing. It's what we do with that emotion that makes it healthy or unhealthy.

Jealousy is an emotional response. It isn't necessary logical. So you two have acknowledged the jealousy, now you have a chance to figure out how to balance it all out. There are a myriad of options to choose from.

I don't think you are at an all or nothing type of crossroads.