Open Relationships: Sex With Others

[blackbeltninja]

I´m not kidding, we got married cause we thought it would be fun

So did Britney Spears... you have been warned.

We all know what happened to her in the end...



-d-

 

[blackbeltninja]

But to compare it to a monogamous relationship seems out of place to me. Because, the flip side of an OPEN relationship is this:

if you were UNABLE to have that "other" person involved; could you, then, possibly be satisfied by just one true love???

For those that believe in monogamy/exclusiveness, this isn't even an issue to be raised or considered.

Bingo.

Beautifully said - nice one.

-d-

 

[RRRalph]

We got married cause we thought it would be fun, and to tell you the truth, it has been. I was just joking about the divorce part.

I'm glad you are joking about the divorce part. Life is fun, but not everything should be seen as fun.

If you know what you like, and you have a partner that believes in that very same ideal then you've found nirvana!

Two people and one shared vision makes things great. That's applyable to exclusive and open relationships.

 

[RRRalph]

Why would you have sex with some other than the one you love?

Mostly because I can. Just like very many other men, I do not need to fall in love with you in order to have sex with you. We are talking some hot sex here, not a life-long bond here.

Well, seeing that him and me are both bi, we have the need to be with a woman from time to time. Also is it fun to be with other guys.

Reading this posts the question to my answer is that:
1) you can seperate sex and love ( i can do that),
2) you can like more than one person sexually (i believe that) thus also besides your beloved one,
3) you both think that casual sex with others is ok, cuz it’s meaningless (i can’t do that).

Is this the right view?

 

[RRRalph]

I feel in an OPEN relationship, it's that you are the most FAVORITE sexual partner.

This is quite interesting! So people with an open relatinship please answer the following:

When you have casual meaningless sex with others, it can happen that a certain person is sexually so much better than the person you love. How do you handle such situation? Wouldn’t it matter that the one you love is sexually worse? Would the one your love still be the most favorite sexual partner only cuz love is involved?

For the record, i’m perfectly fine with people who has open relationships. You should do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t directly interfer with someone else life. Live your life your way! I ask these questions only out of curiosity.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I dunno - the whole open relationships thing seems to me less of an LTR and more of a friends/roommates with benefits thing.

Frankly, I'm surprised by the number of people who are in open relationships in here. I thought it would be far fewer.

-d-

 

[theFallenGod]

What happens when you meet someone else and feelings become involved?

you can't always seperate love and sex.... the 2 go hand in hand sometimes....

 

[theFallenGod]

I dunno - the whole open relationships thing seems to me less of an LTR and more of a friends/roommates with benefits thing.

Frankly, I'm surprised by the number of people who are in open relationships in here. I thought it would be far fewer.

-d-

I think it's a maturity thing..... some people aren't mature enough to be able to actually make a commitment...

I noticed it happen with some friends of mine....

In the world we live in with HIV being so rampant.... the Idea of being in a LTR has more status than being single...so rather than being single they fall for the idea of being in a relationship rather than actually commiting to one especially as more and more countries finally allow gay marriage...

Its like saying "well I am in a relationship but I am still allowed to have my fun as if I were single"

My one friend defined himself by his relationships but wasn't ever able to fully commit... which is why each one was doomed to failure... his longest one being 7 years till his partner decided to grow up and left him for something more stable and real....

His ex-partner is now happier while he is suffering because he keeps wanting both things (relationship status and single lifestyle) and he isn't able to grow up even though he's 34....

 

[theFallenGod]

Doesn´t happen. Sex with love is only with my husband.
With others, those who understand that we are a couple, sometimes great frienships are struck, those who want to break us up, then it´s fuck you...

After all, finding a true love is a hard thing to do. Some people do not ever find that, so for me to jeopardize my relationship would be just plain stupid.

LMAO this is the funniest post I have read all day....

 

[theFallenGod]

Heres my issue... people are viewing sex and love as 2 different things.... when the 2 in the context of a relationship are not mutually exclusive....

It is possible to have sex with your husband without bringing in other people....

What people don't understand is that when you enter into a relationship both parties are supposed to make certain sacrifices for the betterment of the whole.... that includes sacrificing a portion of your freedom.... if you have entered into a relationship there should be nmo need for other people... by getting into a relationship you are essentially saying "you are the one I want no one else." Not you are choice A but I want to have choices B through Z as well... and essentially when you get into an open relationship you are telling the person you supposedly care for that they are choice whatever and not choice A anymore... because if you can't find something at the club that night at least you have old standby back at the house...

If you can't make it work...and believe me there are 1000's of ways to make sex great between 2 people that do not involve another person..... then why bother....

As I have stated before I have seen friends go down this road many many times each to the point of destruction.... 99% of the time one person wants the "open" part while the other does it for that person...which creates resentment.... resentment that eventually tears apart a relationship...

Eventually someone has sex with someone they find more desirable... the sex continues and bam its all over...hurting the one you love... or the one party isn't having as much sex as the other and bam its all over.... or the one is getting hotter partners than the other..... or in the case of playing together ...one is being ignored for the other..... or one brings home a disease and gives it to the other....

If the sex isn't good with the person you supposedly love either find a way to spruce it between you both or stop clinging to the idea of a relationship in awkward co-dependancy.... break-up and move on.... instead of deluding yourself....

Entering into a relationship is a mature step... if you aren't mature enough to make that step than don't make that step...though most people never realize when than aren't being mature....

 

[RRRalph]

----See private message.-----

What a strange end to the jsnsession & br-ma-al discussion You don't need to announce a pm to anyone

 

[theFallenGod]

You know today I was thinking about something on this subject....

Everyone likes to throw out the Trust issue....

And that got me thinking.... there is absolutely NO trust in an "open" relationship....

You inherently don't trust yourself or your partner to remain faithful so you open it as an excuse to get around that trust issue....

If you did trust the person yourself or the person you were with their would be no reason to have an "open" relationship....

the other thing is this....

God I already hate having to use this....

"open" relationships are the basest form of self-loathing.....

To degrade yourself so much that you would allow another person to risk themselves and yourself to disease, humiliation, and heartbreak just for a few sexual kicks has got to be the lowest form of disrespect one could have for themselves and others....

To use people on all spectrums ... from the people you bring home as mere sexual objects to the man you have who you supposedly love but isn't good enough to satisfy your overwhelming sexual urges.....

I am not mr. moral authority... to each their own... if you wanna have an "open" relationship than thats your business.... It's not for me and most decent people either....

IMHO "open" relationships are all about immaturity, disrespect, and self-loathing....

which is why I avoid them like the plague..... at all costs....

 

[theFallenGod]

Since your so fond of using this emoticon I thought it would be fitting....

And we cast judgement in the same way you have.... one posts an opinion and your quick to shoot it down.... using insults, derogatory statements, and rhetoric.....

I think the only reason your being so defensive is because the truth hurts... you see the points we are trying to make are indeed true but you don't want to accept them as true....

of course this is just my opinion on the matter ...feel free to insult some more....feel free to defend your point of view against something as harmless as another persons opinion ... another person you have dutifully pointed out is half a world away....


because to be honest... I love it when you remark...as you make every one of my statements seem all the more true....

 

[NastyBlkNWhteCouple]

I tend to think-and so does my lover-that the most important thing is to be open with eachother-about eachother's truth-on any level-
Don't fall behind 'the times'-so to speak-as far as your partner is concerned-
And don't forget to keep your parter on the up and up-
That makes it work for us-and weve been together for many years-
and have many more journeys together-ahead of us.....
Open relationships arent JUST about actual sex.....

 

[blackbeltninja]

We both want to have sex with other people.

Why? What's wrong with just the two of you?

The moment he or I ask for all of this to stop, we stop it, as simple as that.

Why don't you? Are you using a third person (or multiple third persons - I don't know how often you do this) as a crutch because you can't manage on your own anymore?

And who's the person brave enough to say "You know what? Thanks for giving me your all, but I'd like a little something extra..."

I swear to God I'd wonder very very briefly if he thought I wasn't good enough before I punched his lights out.

-d-

 

[blackbeltninja]

I´m not even angry anymore, just sad. Sad to encounter such judgemental people on a forum that is supposed to be about gay/bi men supporting each other. As if we don´t have enough crap to put up with out there in the real world.

Things like what you're advocating throughout this thread are not helping anyone's cause at all, I don't think.

For quite some time now, my husband and I are desperately wanting to have kids, and each and every single time we get our hopes up, all our dreams come crashing down.

So don´t talk about inmaturity and unwillingness to commit, when the majority of bi men, when the want for kids surges, would just leave their male partners and find a woman to have children with, instead of going through all the shit of trying to be accepted as adoptive parents or worse, not having the money to find a surrogate mother.

Yeah... not sure I'd do too much further advertising about what you get up to in here, then. I'm not sure any judge overseeing an adoption or anything would regard this sort of behaviour as suitable for raising a child... especially the part about women being cum dumpsters.

I´m posting this not for your sympathy, which I know such depraved whores as ourselves won´t get, or for the need to flame and gain the upper hand. But to give an example that it is soo easy to cast judgement on other people when you do not know all the circumstances of life they have to deal with...

You ever wonder that perhaps this is of your own making? With as much respect as you feel is due, your relationship with your bf/roommate with benefits/husband sounds anything but healthy.

-d-

 

[RRRalph]

"open" relationships are all about immaturity, disrespect, and self-loathing.

What the hell is wrong with you people for bashing jsnsessions way of life? You are so close minded people omg! Other people do have diffirent lifes, diffirent values, diffirent views on stuff as us. Open relationships wouldn't work for most of us. This doesn't mean we should threat people like shit cuz their lifes isn't the same ours. Open your mind! When two people both want to have a open relationship and their lifes doesn't effects somebody elses lifes directly in a negative way, they should do it.

For quite some time now, my husband and I are desperately wanting to have kids.

I think this is the limit in an open relationship. Kids are always the ones with the highest priority. When kids are involved, you should create an inviorment which is good for kids. I don't think that open relationships is good for kids.

 

[RRRalph]

Duh, of course!!!
We have talked about that, and also quiting smoking , but were still waiting

Which options have you tried to have kids? Will you stop having sex with others when you have kids or have less sex with others?

 

[theFallenGod]

What the hell is wrong with you people for bashing jsnsessions way of life? You are so close minded people omg! Other people do have diffirent lifes, diffirent values, diffirent views on stuff as us. Open relationships wouldn't work for most of us. This doesn't mean we should threat people like shit cuz their lifes isn't the same ours. Open your mind! When two people both want to have a open relationship and their lifes doesn't effects somebody elses lifes directly in a negative way, they should do it.



Wow I noticed when you quoted me you convienently left out the bold IMHO at the beginning of that statement.....

I wasn't bashing jnsessions... I was posting my personal opinion on why I feel the "open" relationships are unhealthy....


This has nothing to do with being close-minded... as a matter of fact I think were a little more open minded for having the ability to see things a bit more maturely than other people....

 

[miamicoach]

Quote: I wasn't bashing jnsessions... I was posting my personal opinion on why I feel the "open" relationships are unhealthy....

This has nothing to do with being close-minded... as a matter of fact I think were a little more open minded for having the ability to see things a bit more maturely than other people....[/quote]

Actually, you're dumping all over jnsessions. Very odd that you think you are not.

And as for being a "little more open minded", where did you get that? No one is forcing an open relationship on anyone else. For those of us who live in open, mature, healthy loving relationships, nothing could be more natural.

If monogamy is essential to your relationship, well that's your business. But let me tell you, it doesn't make it any better or more loving than mine or jnsessions.

I'm curious, are you currently in a monogamous relationship? Have you ever been in one?