Opening a relationship

[aj82]

I'd be curious to hear from you a year from now, and see how the open relationship is going. Every monogamous relationship I know of that gets opened up has ultimately failed. The only successful open relationships I know of personally were open from the very beginning.

If we go through with it I will. I wonder why that should be, though?

 

[SFMusic]

If we go through with it I will. I wonder why that should be, though?

I think it has something to do with what each person expects out of the relationship.

In an open LTR, It's understoond that there will be emotional monogamy, but not physical monogamy.

In a closed LTR, there is a clear expectation that each person is committed to fidelity in the relationship (emotional AND physical monogamy), and that expectation is built on nothing more than the trust each person has in the other.

When a closed LTR is subsequently opened up, I think it is more likely that one of the persons, can't handle the feelings that are unlocked. Whether those feelings are jelously, betrayal, insecurity, etc, and once you have lost trust in the other person, it is like hell trying to gain that trust and confidence back. In many instances it is impossible, hence the breakup of what was otherwise a good relationship.

Nothing scientific here, just my personal observations over 53 years.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I know of several open LTR that are now going on as strong as ever after quite a few years.

It really depends on the people involved and their desires.

I also know of many supposedly monogamous relationships that failed either due to cheating or due to a sense of pervading boredom or simply because the two men involved felt restrained in their sense of freedom.

My BF, who happens to be a trained shrink sums it up very nicely:

'There I see this guy and say: Wow. He is hotttt. Then he turns out to be pretty smart, too. Then, we get going and I see, yup, it was fun but nothing comared to you.'

I pretty much share this feeling.

The most precious aspect of living in an open relationship is the fact that you do not feel 'owned' by anyone. To some, this may not matter much. To me, this is practically everything. I cannot imagine living without being in charge of my life and without calling the shots.

But that's just me. That's why an open relationship works for me. And that's is why no form of a relationship will universally work for everyone.

SC

 

[M4P]

A voice from the fence...

I'm in a very successful nine year relationship. When we got together we decided on "no rules" because we'd both had failed relationships in the past that seemed to be based on rules.

My partner is going away to Vancouver in a week and I essentially said to him "what happens on the road stays on the road." I wasn't specifically referring to sex but if something were to happen I don't want to know about it.

I know couples in defined monogomous and open relationships. One couple in an open relationship discuss everything. I'm not sure I could do that.

I guess, like we did, you need to make it up as you go along.

Good luck

 

[bluedragon4]

I don't understand why adult men in loving,trusting relationships can't control themselves? i have been in an open relationship and now in a relationship where we enjoy only each other. of course couples in an open relationship are gonna last a long time. they have no rules! if i'm ment to be with my bf for the long haul than fantastic. but if we decide we are not enough for each other and we want to see what else is out there- than see ya! time to move on and not hang on. i'm brave enough to not hold on to a sinking ship. i thought when i was in the open relationship it was the best thing ever. i thought it would save us and keep us together. it was the most lonely time of my life! knowing he was out at the bar picking up boys while i sat home and ate alone. and i got way more play than he did and he hated me for it. all his friends wanted me and it pissed him off. and guess what? they could have me cause there were no sticking rules.yes we had rules for sleeping with other people. rules for sleeping with other people-real nice and romantic. i found my self sleeping with guys i didn't want to sleep with cause he had already slept with them and i wanted to know what they had that i didn't. you know what they had? what every other guy in town had-my boyfriend's ass.someone on here said his bf was going to toronto and he didn't want to know what he was doing. hello! red flag. what i have now is great.my bf looks at me and not through me to the next guy. i won't write anymore on this but i find the whole thing sad. why do you guys need all that cock in your mouth? cause you are not satisfied with what's at home. there might be that someone out there that you are really suppose to be with. but you'll never know cause your hanging on to what? a house and material things. the life you built?i would think about rebuilding.

 

[SFMusic]

It's not necessary to have sex with a guy to know that he doesn't compare favorably to your partner. Where a lot of guys make their mistake is getting too heavily involved with someone when they are too young. I am a great believer in sowing your wild oats when you are young, and then when you have matured (if you are so inclined) that is the time to enter into a LTR.

As far as "The most precious aspect of living in an open relationship is the fact that you do not feel 'owned' by anyone". If that is what you think a monogamous releationship is all about then you are saddly mistaken. I am not owned by my husband, nor does he in any way control what I do. My committment and fidelity to him is a gift I give to him of my own free will, as is his commitment to me.

About the only thing I do agree with you on is that there will never be a universal relationship that works for everyone. I've lived long enough to know that one size does NOT fit all.

I know of several open LTR that are now going on as strong as ever after quite a few years.

It really depends on the people involved and their desires.

I also know of many supposedly monogamous relationships that failed either due to cheating or due to a sense of pervading boredom or simply because the two men involved felt restrained in their sense of freedom.

My BF, who happens to be a trained shrink sums it up very nicely:

'There I see this guy and say: Wow. He is hotttt. Then he turns out to be pretty smart, too. Then, we get going and I see, yup, it was fun but nothing comared to you.'

I pretty much share this feeling.

The most precious aspect of living in an open relationship is the fact that you do not feel 'owned' by anyone. To some, this may not matter much. To me, this is practically everything. I cannot imagine living without being in charge of my life and without calling the shots.

But that's just me. That's why an open relationship works for me. And that's is why no form of a relationship will universally work for everyone.

SC

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Eventually, we all agree, that we do not agree

A guy has got to do, what a guy has got to do.

If a monogamous, LTR floats your boat, go for it.

If 'a no rule relationship' does it for you, there you go.

If an 'open relationship' is what cranks up your tractor, go into that.

Know thyself and make your choices wisely.

SC