Opinions on seeing a married man.

[NYCBottom]

I just wanted to get some opinions on my situation.

I recently met a man who is married. We live near each other and that makes it very convenient for both of us. He is 100% top and I am 100% bottom, so that works out quite well also.

We have a lot of things in common, sexually and otherwise, and he does like to hang out outside of the bedroom as well. He is very considerate, has often offered to do a variety of favors for me and is pleasant for me to be around.

And the sex! I usually see him two or three times a week. I go to his house in the morning and we are in his bed until the afternoon. Anywhere from four to seven hours, depending on what either of us may have to do that day. And, honestly, he fucks me like no man has ever fucked me before. It's a perfect mix of insatiable top and insatiable bottom. It is truly the best sex I've had in my life. He gets into all my kinks, bondage, etc. He cums three, four, five times every time I am there. After he cums, it's not very long until he's ready to go again. In short, the sex is fucking incredible!

I feel very comfortable and relaxed when I am with this man, and he makes me feel awesome, sexually and otherwise. He has no intention of leaving his wife and I am not expecting him to.

But, some people tell me it's not a great situation, I should ask him to leave his wife, I should stop seeing him, he's just using me for sex and so on. I don't agree with any of that. He does like to just hang out and do whatever with no sex involved when he has time in the evening. I am perfectly fine with the situation as it is. I just wanted to get opinions from some people who are removed from the situation or maybe who have even been in a similar situation. Thank you all in advance.

 

[aaggii]

It all depends if the wife knows and she´s ok with it. If so, go on. If not, put yourself in her situation. Of course, you are not the one who promised her to be faithful and all that and if you put an end to it, the husband will find another guy. My point is that when the wife figures it out (and she will), you´ll get involved in a very ugly situation.

 

[KaraBulut]

I recently met a man who is married...I usually see him two or three times a week. I go to his house in the morning and we are in his bed until the afternoon. Anywhere from four to seven hours...He has no intention of leaving his wife and I am not expecting him to.

But, some people tell me it's not a great situation, I should ask him to leave his wife, I should stop seeing him, he's just using me for sex and so on. I don't agree with any of that. He does like to just hang out and do whatever with no sex involved when he has time in the evening.

The problem is not so much where things are at the moment. The problem is, 'Where can any of this go in the future?".

Do you see your self in a year spending hours having sex with a married man behind his wife's back and hanging out when it's convenient for him? In 2 years? In 5 years? In a decade?

The fact that there's even a discussion on your part of asking him to leave his wife implies that you are hoping there is a future in this relationship. There isn't.

Even if he were to leave his wife, it's a matter of time before he dumps you and moves on to the next person. But that's fantasy- he's not going to leave his wife.

Either accept it as great sex with no future with a cheater or move on to a situation that has the future that you want.

 

[Seasoned]

It's unclear to me why you're writing if you are happy with the situation. Does he know you are blabbing to "some people?" It seems you want to legitimatize your relationship, even if it's subconscious by hoping his wife finds out. An affair is an affair, but I don't think much of the two of you having sex in their bed.

 

[Georgiadude]

I think both of you are disgusting tbh. Cheaters and those that knowingly help them are some of the lowest of the low. This is a no flame zone otherwise I'd be using different adjectives to describe what I think. You obviously have some reservation about what you're doing or you wouldn't be asking people for their opinions.

My ex bf cheated on me and when I found out the extent of his cheating I was devastated. We weren't married but we had promised each other we were going to stay faithful to each other. He's taken a vow to be faithful to his wife. Obviously he's broken that vow and can't be trusted. When I found out about the cheating my entire world fell to pieces. I could never knowingly destroy someone's life and thats what's going to happen to his wife when she finds out what's going on IN HER OWN BED. Its going to turn her life upside down. You didn't mention it but I hope they don't have children. its going to turn their lives into a living hell. Stop being selfish and think about the innocent people who's lives are going to be affected by your actions. He's going to cheat on whom ever he's with. Whether it's his wife, you or anyone else. You can kid yourself and think he's seeing you for reasons other than sex but I guarantee you if you stop having sec with him it won't take long for him to stop hanging out with you. There's not a doubt in my mind.

Steven

 

[offthewall14420]

NY is not cheating, the married guy is. If it wasn't you, it'd be someone other guy.

If the wife finds out run like hell from both of them. Change your numbers, name, ect....

 

[Newmercedes]

I think both of you are disgusting tbh. Cheaters and those that knowingly help them are some of the lowest of the low. This is a no flame zone otherwise I'd be using different adjectives to describe what I think. You obviously have some reservation about what you're doing or you wouldn't be asking people for their opinions.

My ex bf cheated on me and when I found out the extent of his cheating I was devastated. We weren't married but we had promised each other we were going to stay faithful to each other. He's taken a vow to be faithful to his wife. Obviously he's broken that vow and can't be trusted. When I found out about the cheating my entire world fell to pieces. I could never knowingly destroy someone's life and thats what's going to happen to his wife when she finds out what's going on IN HER OWN BED. Its going to turn her life upside down. You didn't mention it but I hope they don't have children. its going to turn their lives into a living hell. Stop being selfish and think about the innocent people who's lives are going to be affected by your actions. He's going to cheat on whom ever he's with. Whether it's his wife, you or anyone else. You can kid yourself and think he's seeing you for reasons other than sex but I guarantee you if you stop having sec with him it won't take long for him to stop hanging out with you. There's not a doubt in my mind.

Steven

Good Advice.

 

[TX-Beau]

NY is not cheating, the married guy is. If it wasn't you, it'd be someone other guy.

If the wife finds out run like hell from both of them. Change your numbers, name, ect....

They are both cheating. Anytime you help fuck someone else over, you are guilty, and frankly telling him to go ahead and create the problem then run away from the mess he helped create is incredibly callous.

 

[offthewall14420]

They are both cheating. Anytime you help fuck someone else over, you are guilty, and frankly telling him to go ahead and create the problem then run away from the mess he helped create is incredibly callous.

The mess was already there. If it wasn't him, it would be some other dude.

 

[TX-Beau]

The mess was already there. If it wasn't him, it would be some other dude.

Then be a stand up guy and let some other fool help plant the knife in her back.

 

[Benvolio]

Cheating or not is his decision. If not you, he will look for someone else and perhaps become involved with someone less descrete, who would really hurt the wife. One of the reasons he is with you is probably that you satisfy a need so he does not need to look for sex in all the wrong places. He knows he can trust you to be discrete. You also help ensure that he will not contract an STD which would be a risk if he were out cruising. And she probably suspects that he has a gay boy friend, since you are meeting often in his home.

 

[sixthson]

Benvolio, those are a lot of wild assumptions you are jumping to. For all you know, the married man has more than one guy on the side. You don't know if the OP is discrete or not. As for STDs, they could both be walking petri dishes. You think just because his wife doesn't know that she is not being hurt? She is being betrayed as far as we know.

The OP really doesn't care what we think because there is no way in hell he is leaving until he forced to. And that will happen because there is no future for them when one of them plans to stay married.
Let's see how discrete he is then...or vindictive.

Where is the conscience of either man doing this in the couple's bed?

 

[Telstra]

I think the arrangement is ok
but you cannot go to his house because his house is for his wife.
He should visit you ....

 

[TX-Beau]

I think the arrangement is ok
but you cannot go to his house because his house is for his wife.
He should visit you ....

His house is "for his wife" but his fidelity (which he pledged) isn't?

 

[TX-Beau]

What I find unacceptable is the logic of this whole - well he's going to do it anyway...

let's parse that shall we, and put it in terms of some other kind of ethical no no.

"...well, he's a thief anyway, and he's going to steal with some other guy so it's not really stealing if I help him steal..."

There is no ethical way to participate in the unethical act and not be a party to it. I realize that there are plenty of unethical people out there, but for myself, I will not be helping crush the lives of anyone just because he's going to do it anyway.

 

[offthewall14420]

What I find unacceptable is the logic of this whole - well he's going to do it anyway...

let's parse that shall we, and put it in terms of some other kind of ethical no no.

"...well, he's a thief anyway, and he's going to steal with some other guy so it's not really stealing if I help him steal..."

There is no ethical way to participate in the unethical act and not be a party to it. I realize that there are plenty of unethical people out there, but for myself, I will not be helping crush the lives of anyone just because he's going to do it anyway.

False equivalency. Your moral structure seems more conservative than many others.

Apply that argument to abortion: 'I wouldn't do it so nobody else should because they're enablers of an unethical act"

 

[TX-Beau]

False equivalency. Your moral structure seems more conservative than many others.

Apply that argument to abortion: 'I wouldn't do it so nobody else should because they're enablers of an unethical act"

You sound like Ted Cruz.

Oh fucking please. There is no political dimension to fucking her over, you just don't give a fuck about hurting her - and there is no ethical way to avoid the blame for actions in which you chose to participate.

 

[offthewall14420]

Oh fucking please. There is no political dimension to fucking her over, you just don't give a fuck about hurting her - and there is no ethical way to avoid the blame for actions in which you chose to participate.

Me? I didn't do nuttin'. This is about NYC dude. I'm not a bottom. Fucking a married dude is much different than being fucked by a married dude... particularly for the wife.

- - - Updated - - -

I did strike the Cruz comment after realizing it was over the line.

 

[sixthson]

Maybe those who feel "he's going to cheat anyway" should ask themselves if they would feel the same way if they were the ones being cheated on. Take it from the abstract to the personal.

 

[offthewall14420]

Cut off the husbands balls. But that's me.