Opinions?

[Ganoderma]

hi Electricchapel,

Thanks for your nice and friendly reply.

So you are going to college, and you met this sweet guy in the canteen, meaning that he is one of your fellow students. And you told us you are totally out (and likely he as well).

Any idea when you will meet him again at the college? I assume you are now on some sort of break (holiday)?

Maybe you should start with talking with him in real life and meeting him in real life, eg, having lunch together in the canteen on a regular basis (and things like that).

Is there anything why you and he should not have lunch together at the canteen? You are open, so you don't need to hide anything. Does not mean you need to start with any sort of official 'dating' or with any sort of official 'relationship'. But talking with each other in real life is the only way to learn him really good, and to see how both of you react to each other when you talk face-to-face.

Well, think about it, and maybe you have other solutions.

Best wishes & good luck.

 

[TX-Beau]

Thing is, one of the ways the other guy knows you like him is that you make time for him, no matter how busy you are.

If you're ever just too busy to do that, you're not interested in making him a priority.

Second thing, you want guarantees before you put yourself out there on the line. You'll never get them, and being afraid to move without them is a good way to end up alone at 50 with a million cats.

People gain confidence by practice, eating your fear and going for it - and next time, it'll get a little easier.

Straight guys go through this stuff a lot earlier than gay guys, but they still had to put in the practice.

He may like you, he may really like you, he may not, but you'll never know unless you grab your scrotum and make YOURSELF clear.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh and forget the baroque word games and inference clues. That's a really good way to misunderstand each other and is just a little sad.

"...Hey (insert guy's name,) You mentioned dinner and a movie, sounds like a date, I'm interested if that's what you had in mind, otherwise, you're a good guy who'd make a good friend..."

No decryption needed.

 

[electricchapel]

Ganoderma - The only thing that stops us from eating together would be his rehearsals, he has them like, every lunch, mine start now too so we'll both be incredibly busy.

Thanks TX-Beau, I suppose I'm just scared of rejection, like most people I've had my fair share of it, but that's just something I have to suck up.

 

[electricchapel]

Sorry for the double post, but this thread can be locked/deleted or whatever since he confessed to liking me yesterday! Haha

 

[Racer Dave]

Sorry for the double post, but this thread can be locked/deleted or whatever since he confessed to liking me yesterday! Haha

Yay! Come on details. You see all that anxiety for nothing

 

[electricchapel]

Well, it get's a bit iffy.
We were just having a massive discussion because I was a bit down and he wanted to help, so I told him why I was blue (Just about wanting a boyfriend and not being alone this year) and we talked for a bit, then he randomly told me that he's also talking to two other guys that he's "interested in" like me, and that he felt bad and didn't want me upset if something happens between "us" meaning me and him.
Yeah it's a slight downer that he's talking to these other guys, but I suppose it's just like dating different guys right?

A little later on he told me that he got really nervous when he saw me earlier that day.
Now we just need to organize something to spend some time together.

 

[electricchapel]

Just a quick update;

So we went out on Saturday, we only had three hours together because he had work at five.
Anyway, it was slightly awkward at first, but then as minutes went by we started talking more. We went to Bella Italia for lunch.
At first he wouldn't look at me when he spoke, but slowly he started looking at me, we'd look at each other properly, eye contact and all that.
We'd drink our drinks at the same time too.
We talked and laughed a lot and conversation came easy between us, it felt like I've known him for a long time.
I paid and we went for a walk, we just walked around the shopping center for the rest of the time, just walking round and talking to each other.
Then we bumped into his family, his mother's boyfriend with his nephew. I was introduced to them, and we talked for a bit, then his mother and sister came over and they were talking, he kept pulling faces at me and smiling.
Then they went and we walked some more, he said that most people don't get to meet his mother, I told him I was honored and we laughed.
He bought me a drink closer to the end of the date.
Then at five he had to go, we quickly said goodbye and waved at each other and he left.
That left me a bit worried seeing as he quickly brushed it off.
When he got in from work he messaged me on facebook thanking me for the day with a big smiley face.
The next day, I decided to text him thanking him, since I felt rude that I didn't.
He told me to shush, the normal banter between us.
I wasn't sure if he was still interested so yesterday I text him around half eight and the conversation was short lived, possibly because he only just got out of rehearsals, I dunno. I asked him if he wanted to do something again sometime, he took a while to reply but said "yes of course."
But I have a bad nagging feeling in me. I don't know why, I think I worry too much. Everything's been so stressful recently.
So much coursework, worrying that I'm going to fail my drama exam and potentially worrying about my situation with him.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Electricchapel,

Thanks for providing us with your update. So his mom and sister seem to be aware that your sweethart is a gay man, and that you are one of his gay friends. Or maybe both of them (of any of the other relatives) might already have some thoughts that there is something going on between both of you?

Anyway, I tend to think that you had a nice time when spending some hours together with him in real life. Definately, he is not a guy hiding you (=an open gay & his friend & who is smiling alot) from mom & sis.

Take your time, and just don't push him too much. There are millions and millions of straight young males of around your age who are also working on building up a relationship with a sweet girl, and on exact the same way like you. So bit by bit, and don't push too much.

Why not spend (allmost) all time during the week on work / study, and try to make some sort of meeting in the next weekend, or even the weekend after next weekend.
HE:

I asked him if he wanted to do something again sometime, he took a while to reply but said "yes of course."

YOU:

How about next weekend?

 

[electricchapel]

Hey, yeah he's out to them, they're all good.
I forgot to mention that his mother's stepdad winked at me before he left, I don't know why but yeah. Haha.

I've been trying to keep myself busy but I just can't find any motivation, I'm just so bored of everything at the moment. I just feel like sleeping, and the more sleep I get, the more tired I feel.

He's at rehearsals right now, so I'll wait until later to text him.
I just kept wanting him to text me, to show that he's still interested. Since Saturday our conversations have been short, I suppose I'm just worrying.

 

[Ganoderma]

I forgot to mention that his mother's stepdad winked at me before he left, I don't know why but yeah.

(1): you are welcome to join the family.
(2): so you are the new boyfriend of my stepson, it was a pleasure to meet you.
(3): i hope we will meet again soon, and that we can continue our conversation.

Something like this?

 

[electricchapel]

I dunno, I mean that was the first time it was me and him you know? Our first time together.
Could possibly be anything you said, but I have no clue.
When I was introduced to him, he shook my hand too. I thought it was extremely formal.

 

[Ganoderma]

So let us assume that your sweethart is straight and Single (all other characteristics are equal) and you are a girl (same age, same background).

So there is this straight guy walking around in the shopping centre with a girl of his age, and both of them seem very, very happy with each other, and talk and laugh alot to and with each other.

OK, and then this straight guy bumps into his family who is unaware of the existence of this girl. So what happens then? They greet each other on a formal way (quite normal for educated people), and how likely it will be that they will assume that there is something between you and him. He IS single, and you ARE a girl, and both of you look very, very happy.

But he is gay, and you as well, and all are aware that you and he are gay.

So what's the difference?

 

[electricchapel]

I get what you're saying yeah.
Incredibly true!

 

[electricchapel]

Doublepost:

I didn't get a single message from hon today.
Last week he was texting me as soon as rehearsals finished or as soon as work did. Now, since Saturday, nothing.
Last conversation we had lasted like fifteen minutes.
I'm starting to believe he's lost interest now :/

 

[Racer Dave]

Stop over analyzing ... seriously you're beating yourself up over this. I know I do exactly the same thing

Maybe his just incredibly nervous as well? Have the two of you actually sat and spoken about your feelings toward each other? If you haven't then maybe you should do. But first you need to decide what you want, if it's just a friendship then I thinks it's safe to say you've got one, if it's a relationship then tell him, and remember it's not just going to drop into your lap, by the sounds of it you're going to have to do some work here to get what you want. Also you're both still young, (I assume his about your age since you haven't actually said), and I can guarantee you his probably feeling the same way. He's said he'd like to meet again, so organise something, once again I realise this must be difficult if you both lead very busy lifestyles but try to make small gaps when you can for him and I'm sure he'll do the same.

As for the laziness thing, that's a very easy thing to get over, get into the habit of going for a walk every morning, the fresh air and bit of exercise will do you wonders. Being tired doesn't always mean you should just go to sleep, it could be something as simple as a change in diet (and I know that students never eat properly). And remember that busy doesn't always equal active

Also don't rush and take it one day at a time. Make sure that you're always open and honest with him and yourself and it'll all work out just fine.

As always best of luck, and remember if you ever need to chat just shout

 

[electricchapel]

I do over analyse, I keep telling myself to calm down.
We haven't talked about our feelings no, but we haven't had a decent conversation since Saturday, they've been short, both lasted no more than fifteen minutes.
I just kept nitpicking over everything that went 'wrong' when we went out, now that I think of it, NOTHING went wrong.
He has been busy this week, I dunno.
I think I'm waiting for it too much.
As you said it clearly won't fall into my lap.
I'll text him tonight after my rehearsals and see how he is.

Right, I normally get a good nights sleep, and when I'm feeling tired, I don't go to sleep because I feel it during the day, and it's more of a want to go to sleep my a need if that makes sense?
My diet is pretty reasonable, I always have full meals at college and drink loads of water, I don't eat junk food or chocolate or anything like that.

Thanks man, I do appreciate you, and everyone else's replies.

 

[electricchapel]

Another double post because I couldn't figure out how to edit my last post.

I saw him in the canteen at college today, he looked mega pissed off, then he saw me, his whole face lit up, he waved at me with a huge smile over his face, then he kept glancing at me.
I text him just now, but he's at work so no reply for a while.

 

[MrRochesterNY]

I think you need to distinguish between talking to him and writing to him. Your relationship seems to go better when you two are talking face to face.

When you get into texting, which is devoid of the nuances and cues as to meaning that real conversation includes, you seem lost and become prone to overanalyzing and misinterpreting.

 

[Racer Dave]

Dude he definatly likes you. Not to hijack your post but I asked a guy out tonight. So if after 16 years in the closet and being increadibly shy then you can make this work easy.
And I agree with MrRochester, spend more time talking than messaging. Messaging is fine when you guys can't talk but when ever you can talk to each other. why didn't you go over to him and chat when you saw him at the canteen. I'll bet he kept wanting you to come over and join him.