Oralsex - Archived Blog Posts

[oralsex]

Today has been an overwhelming day and every time I get on here to write about it, I get writers block. Just the thought of trying to get on here and write overwhelms me. So I said enough, I will just start writing and hope all goes well. So here you go.
I am not quit sure how much a human being can take. I think my stress meter has been maxed out. I went to Barnes and Noble in a bigger city. It is a two-story store and I looked for the photo books. I then went to the magazine wall. I looked at all the magazine sections and I looked at the women’s interest, and I thought well I wonder if they sale playgirl. I know they sell porn mags in the men’s but in the corner someone had opened a playgirl magazine. It was nice. What surprised me was that it showed men and women engaged in sexual acts, whereas the playboy just shows a bunch of women with their legs spread open. The men actually looked like a normal human beings, they had nice bodies. They were toned, nothing that looked like a body builder on steroids and their dicks were actually a normal size. They did not hang down to their knees nor were they as thick as a soda can. I think when I think about this stuff, I do like to see a normal male nude. Is this what I need to get a career in. Is it a sexual desire… I think. I never had a father, so I was not accustomed to seeing another dick. We were never allowed to take showers in school. However this was a small town, and the p.e. course was nothing strenuous, but then again most of my p.e. classes that actually did me good were at the end of the day. However the most I saw were some bulges in underwear.
With my latest battle of me choosing whether or not to be gay, I find my self confused and wondering if I am not craving the male attention just because I never had a male role model, father figure, or male best friend in my life. I think, if I just had a male friend that did not care to hug me, would that satisfy me. It is very confusing. I never had a close true friend that was a guy, and I think is this some weird way of me trying to get that. I want that one guy to think of me, to want me. To want me in a normal male bond way. I thought about trying to find a sexuality counselor. Those are hard to find. I thought about becoming one. A psychologist who specializes with teens who are figuring out their sexuality and just need someone to talk to, to help them know that they are not alone.
I am in a small town and it’s the normal small town atmosphere. In this bigger city I went to, I went to the olive garden, and this girl turned around and kept giving me this big smile. I smiled back and she would turn around again later on and smile. It actually felt good. I thought is this a girl, who actually is thinking about me, who might like me. In my younger years, in elementary school, my father abused me and well the parents told their children to stay away from me. For some reason they thought something was wrong with me. So that kind of put a hamper on my dating life as well as my friend life. I did get to live in Florida, and that was great. I only got to live there for only a few months, but I made friends from day one, and I even had a buddy that actually told me to call him. I even had kids ask me to sit with them at lunch.
I will move out of this small city. I am getting my generals and when I get those I am gone. Some days I ask my mom why can we just not all get a long. My sister has this dick for a boy friend. She was dating him while he was married, and with his wife and him living separately she thought that was ok, since they were getting a divorce anyway. He is 8 years older than her and just works in a bike shop. I thought where is his life going. He already has a child, which he does not even want. If he cannot even take care of his own child, and be a man, then what kind of man is he? I work full time with a part time job on the weekends and then I go to school full time in the day. Then all of sudden my grandma was put in the hospital. My mom is in a bad work situation and I am all of sudden ready to have a break down. To top it all off all of my credit cards are maxed out. At night I just want a man to hold me in his arms and tell me it will all be ok. Sometimes I think would a women comfort me that way, or would I always have to be the strong one. Am I bisexual? I have no clue. I want to have a child someday with a family. I literally have no one to talk to about this. I’m afraid if I tell anybody at work what that would be like. I already know what that would be like and it would not be good. For some reason this semester I am not able to make any friends like I did in my first semester. In most of my classes I had someone to talk to, and they actually seemed decent, but in this semester everyone is to themselves. They act like they do not want to be friendly. In the University in the next town over, a classmate from high school went there and he came back on vacation and said he does not even think he could pay anyone to be his friend. Which did not surprise me about that school, they are all quit odd. So what am I to do? That just about sums up everything that has been happening. A few breakdowns after school, while crying my eyes out on the way home, just to get ready to go to work in another hell hole for 8 hours, with a bunch of homework back at home waiting for me is just about all I can take. Not to mention feeling alone. Also with problems in the family!
So that’s about all I have and well I do feel a little bit better, getting all of that off my chest.

 

[oralsex]

Well my weekend is not off to a great start. My first blog was just basically everything I was thinking about. My grandma was put back in the hospital with congestive heart failure. So after I came home from work, mom got the call and we went in and stayed until the early morning. I did not even go school or work. My sister decided she was still going on her date. I thought, my place is to be here at home with my mother. I thought what would I want someone to do, like my children, if my mother was in the hospital. I dread that day, but I do hope that I have someone in my life that will help me through it.

 

[oralsex]

Well I got threatened the other day on my job. I was coming outside and my sisters boyfriend hopped out of his truck and came toward me. I was walking to my car. He immediately started running his mouth. He claimed that I called her name, and I said do you even know what went on this morning. He said that if I was not her brother he would pound my face in. I said well I did not call her that name and he spat off some more. I said what do you expect, she dated you while you were still married. He said see there you go, and he got in my face and yelled at me and said if you ever call her that name again, I will pound your face in your trunk. About that time the people that was on break came out and said that he needed to leave, and he told them that he was just having a normal conversation and the guy said, no, we heard what you said and you have to leave now. So he got in his truck and of course management had to come out and ask him to leave. It was embarrassing. I thought this is what white trash would do. Why could he not say, hey I need to talk to you later. Do you have time after work? I would of said sure.
This whole ordeal was very upsetting. Its even more upsetting that my sister did not do anything. I told my mother I do not know if I will be able to handle this one. Its not like I have no body to talk to. Yesterday, for the first time in one of my classes, a boy talked to me. No one has said a word to me since the start of the semester. They are all to themselves.
This week, I said the heck with it. I have school and priorities bigger than this crap and I am getting back into the groove of school and doing the work and everything is getting back to normal.

 

[oralsex]

It has been a while since I have written. A lot has happened. My sister decided to move out with her older boyfriend. The one that threatened me. She also got a used car and he co-signed for her and she is not sure if her name is on the title or not, but she is paying on it. My mother begged her and she still would not give my mother a second chance. Though when mother and I ate dinner; it was actually peaceful. We both ate dinner in a peaceful and relaxing setting. My sister would always have something to bitch about. Something would always be wrong. Though this may be beneficial to our physical and mental health, it is still bearing hard on our emotions. I wish she would not throw her life away. She is still my sister, but I cannot let her destroy my life. I will always give her a second chance, and when she realizes that he has complete control over her and after he alienates her, she will fall flat on her face and hopefully she will come back home and we can work on being a family again.

I went to see a play at my college and it was the most terrible. Although in the opening act there was these young college guys that were in tights, and they were in super shape. It actually made me a bit depressed. I have struggled to get off my extra weight, and I see them and I thought if I auditioned would they get the part because they are super skinny even though I would be the professional dancer (I am a dancer). I had sustained a back injury from work and it had prevented me from doing any type of exercise and now while I am almost healed, I can exercise. I had got most of the post injury weight off, but now I am at that hurdle where it is hard to get off what I had before I was injured. It also makes it hard because I am an emotional eater and with my sister moving out, just makes me want to eat more. I have controlled about 50% of my eating habit. It’s not as bad as what it used to be but I am still on the road to recovery. I am giving myself a goal of being fit by the summer of 2008. Anyway, seeing the guys on stage just made me more confused about my sexuality. When I was depressed in the past week the urge was not that strong. After my mother telling me I was not gay, It was easy to suppress it. I had work and school, and family problems. It was easy to take up all of my free time at work by studying for school and coming home and working on more schoolwork. In that time I actually saw myself being in a relationship with a woman. I think I may be coming out of depression because I wanted to be with a guy today. I think it may just be a curiosity thing. I had a friend tell me that he was never going to get married. For some reason when he said it, it was like it confirmed my beliefs that it is actually something someone can do. I don’t know if I will ever get married but I know that I want a human being lying beside me when I go to bed. I am just tired of nagging women causing a lot of hurt in my life. I have yet to find a woman who actually wants to make me happy. Maybe that’s all I need is to find a woman who would want to make me happy. At the play, barley any kids knew me. I thought I go to school with you and its not like I am in some huge university, but they acted like they did not know me. I said hi to this one girl from art and she said hi back but later she just turned her head every time she saw me, and then this guy from English saw me and I did not think he would smile, but I smiled at him anyway, like I always smile at everyone and it was like he lit up and seen the best thing in his life. That made me feel quit good. I am going to continue to try and take each day at a time. In the mean time I will try and talk to that guy in my next class and see where it goes.

 

[oralsex]

Sometimes, well a lot of the time, I just do not understand human beings. I don’t understand why we just cannot live in peace. Love one another. Is it really that hard?
My friend called me up, which really surprised me because he never calls me. He is around my age but he is a family friend. He told my mother that he loves all of us and he said that included me. Well I saw that he called me so I called him back. He was wanting to do something Sunday. He did not know what but he just wanted to hang out. He mentioned that he bought some movies and then he also said that he might get his 4 wheeler back. We talked a lil bit more and he had to get off of the phone. I asked him if his girlfriend would be with us and he said no she would work all day Sunday. So I called him back Saturday night after work and he said he did not care what we did. So I told him that Sunday was associate discount day and I would probably go shopping that day and asked him if he wanted to come. He said he did not care. I could tell he was not happy about it. So I asked if that was all right and if he wanted to go, he said well yes and no. He is not a big shopper anymore, and he really just went to look at the ladies when he went but he cannot do that anymore since he has a girlfriend. Then he said she was pulling a double shift and that he would have to drop her off at work and then pick her up at lunch for about an hour and take her back and then she got off at 8 pm. Her alternator is bad. I don’t know why she cannot use his truck and I take him in my car all day. I thought if you really don’t want to go shopping with me then just say it, don’t make some excuse. He should have said what he really wanted to do. I was going to let him use my discount if he wanted anything. He also said that he did not have any money to do anything. I don’t either but I was going to take us out to eat. I did not care to pay for it. If it were me, I would not care what the other person was doing, just as long as I would get to hang out with a friend. I don’t think I will call him back. I have a lot to do and I thought that we would shop a lil bit, its not like I will spend my whole day there, and then I would take him out to eat. I just don’t understand. Why would I want to hang out with him if all he is going to do is drop off, pick up, drop off, pick up his girlfriend and watch the clock until it is time to get her again?

 

[oralsex]

I have come to a point in my life and I just do not know where to go. I have always done well in anything that I do and this makes it hard for me to choose a career. My dream is to be a dancer. I grew up dancing. I tap dance and I have also studied Jazz and Ballet. Ballet was my least favorite but it is great for the body as any form of dance is. I have tapped pretty much my whole life. I have assisted in a class before for little kids. I have given private lessons to people and I also was a guest teacher once in a dance studio. I have also always been told to get my education. Now being older and in college I do want my education. I have also done well in school. I’ve been told I would make an excellent doctor. I have also been thinking about being a chiropractor. I can also give great massages and can manipulate muscles very well. I recently remodeled my mother’s house for her. I did everything but lay the carpet down. I put in hardwood floors, lowered ceilings, hung drywall, put in new lighting and put in a new shower system. I could go into construction. Then after high school I went to chef school. It was a University and I am an excellent cook and I also can decorate beautiful cakes. I left the school because that is not want I want to do for the rest of my life. I was accepted to a private dance college but I did not have enough funds to cover the final price. I can pretty much become anything I want but my dream is to be a dancer.

The one thing that stands in my way is my weight. I do have a few extra pounds and of course being in the dancing world that is just not tolerated. When I went to Oklahoma City University a very prestigious and well-known dance performer and educator gave the introduction to the University and said that they did not want to see fat people dance. In those exact words. I did not think that in today’s world that weight was still an issue but then again it apparently is. It was a shock for my mom and myself. Fat people can dance and I don’t see what a few extra pounds will hurt. I am not fat but the way they describe it, was like it was something nasty and to be ashamed of. To top it all off the University claims to be a Christian school. The problem with my weight is that I have a very hard time loosing it. I think should I just give up and become a chiropractor. I want to be a dancer but my weight is getting to me. I am naturally stocky. I have always been very muscular. I’m solid as they say. I’ve only got a year left in my community college before I can transfer to a University. My mother gave up on her dream of being a dancer. She went to college and took a different path and I can see the regret that she has that she did not follow her dream. I guess dancing runs in the family. My sister is also a dancer. I do not want to end up 50 years later wishing I went to dance school instead of being stuck in a dead end job. I know all signs point to me being a dancer but I am at the point that I have had such a hard time loosing the weight that I’m ready to give up and do something else. It’s a shame because being a chef, or a doctor does not mean I have to loose weight. So I don’t know what to do.

 

[oralsex]

How serious can online friends be?

I know online friends is a sticky situation but I think it can be for real. I met a guy online and he was on his Christmas break from college. He was wonderful. It was as if I met my twin, my soul mate so to say. We wrote each other every day. We were to a point to where we could talk to each other about anything and he still seemed interested in me. I know talking over the net is a lot easier but for some reason it just felt like we had this amazing connection. The connection that true friends share, like we should actually meet up in real life and try that aspect out. We traded pictures and we both found each other attractive. We even talked about the future. Then he went back to college. As did I and I still write to him every day but he does not seem to return the favor. We wrote each other every day for a while and then all of a sudden it stopped.

I think its me. Did I do something wrong. I wonder is the "honeymoon" period over. I told him it does bother me that he does not write me because I stay up late. Its 3 am and I need to go to bed but I send him an email anyway. Its like I have a need to talk to him. I never really felt like this way about anybody. The most we can get to is being best friends over the net, I know there are limitations but for some reason its like we just felt this really strong connection. Its like we both wanted more. Now since he does not write me it kind of crushes me. I think I am attached to him in a way. I don't know what to do. He told me he was sorry the first 2 times and then he told me he was too busy and he would write me the next day. But nothing. Do I say its over? I don't know if he truly understands how bad it makes me feel that he does not write.

I need a friend now more than ever. I came out to my mom and trying to make friends in school is not going so great and he is the only person I could really talk to about this stuff. I almost feel like he was using me because he was away from home on his break and now he is back in school with his friends and its like he just does not need me anymore.

Any advice. I'm at a loss. Did I really care for him, is that why it hurts?

 

[oralsex]

I am so confused I dont even know what to write about. I thought after telling my mother that I was gay would make it all better. I don't think it has. I suppose I was expecting a miracle to happen. Once I finally told the truth, I would loose weight, sleep better, and find my mate. Well I was setting my hopes to high. It felt good to tell her, but nothing spectacular happened. I almost feel like I am in an identity crisis. I am almost done with my 2 year degree before I go to a University and I do not even know what I want to do or where I want to go. I feel lost.

I have always and still do want a family life. I want a long term partner. I want to come home to my husband and then someday come home to my family. I want to have family outings with my husband and my son. I want to be with one man for the rest of my life. Society says a family is a man and a woman and 2 children. I dont want that. Being gay and looking into my future it makes me worry, is what I want even an option. I want to find my soul mate.

So now I am faced with having no idea what the future holds. Its scary. I dont know if I will find the right career for me and I dont even know if finding a life partner is even possible. I thought I was gay and then that voice of doubt says, date a woman, conform to society, this is just a phase and will go away. If I marry a woman I can have kids, my own kids, and live the american dream and have a family. Now being 22 I am starting to say screw the american dream. I can adopt a child and I can be with a man. I can have a man and have a family.

Thinking about this confuses me and causes me to have doubt. I don't really know what to do. Its overwhelming.

 

[oralsex]

I think maybe the best part of winter is the snow days. I am not a fan of the cold, I like it warm, but there is that special feeling of looking outside in the cold and wrapping up in your favorite blanket and feeling the warmth surround you.

I decided to lie down on my bed and look outside the window and there was the ice-covered tree with the snowy landscape. In it were 3 cardinals, one female that is brown and two males, which are red, and I must say it was a beautiful sight of color on the white wintry background. I covered up in my plush blanket and listened to the silence. I was so comfortable I fell asleep. I suppose its moments like that, that make the snow worthwhile.

Having a snow day meant no school and unfortunately I was not able to get to work. I guess I should say that was fortunate for I do not like my job. The meteorologist called this type of precipitation ice pellets. We had a wintry mix of snow and sleet, about 3 inches and then the ice pellets. It actually rained and as soon as the raindrops hit they turned into ice, thus creating ice pellets. This created an entire ice covering over everything. The weatherwoman was not even able to take a reading on the snow depth because she could not break the ice over the snow. It was kind of weird because you are walking on top of snow and you just are not sinking. This weighted down power lines and trees and froze car doors shut. Hopefully it will melt soon because travel is just not possible. However a week off from work and school does seem quit nice.

 

[oralsex]

I feel like titling this undying love for my best friend. That’s what it reminds me of. I thought I would post some ads on craigslist asking for just friends. I got two replies. One guy claimed to be straight but wanted me to do some not so straight things with him and we were going to meet. He really wanted a photo. So after talking to him for a few weeks I thought it was fair to send him one. He had sent me one earlier. It was actually sent to him the day before we would meet and we were going to confirm our time and spot to meet. Well I sent him the photo and guess what, no reply. I sent him a few messages and he never replied to anything. This other guy did send me a video of him and I thought he looked decent. I never sent him a photo and we decided to meet. He lives about 80 miles away from me. It is a drive and he does not have a car. Which it is a long story as to why he has no license and I completely understand his situation. It was actually life changing and legitimate. So I meet him and we just wanted to be cuddle buddies. Well this was my first time meeting a guy off of the net and I was nervous as heck. I was barely able to eat. I decided we would go eat and try and break the ice. It helped and then we went to the lake. It was nice and there was a bench. We sat down and he put his arm around me and rubbed/stroked my arm. It helped and I would rub his stomach. My heart rate was like a rabbit. I’ve never really been touched like that and he had not either. We are both virgins. He was a lil scrappy looking, he had long hair and he did not shave. I still liked him though. So he asked if we could go to his house and I drove him there. We went up to his room and cuddled some more on his bed. It did get sexual however he really did not want to kiss and when I kissed him he really did not kiss back and it was a lil weird. We were both completely comfortable with what happened, except he told me he was still thinking of his ex. He almost cried.

Now his ex is an online friend that lives in another country. He loved him because they were going to break up before but he said he would change and well he supposedly changed. So they are going to meet in the future and they love each other.

He told me that if he still thought of his ex when him and me were together then that was a sign to him that he cannot be with me. He said that his ex is going to do the same thing and see if he will be thinking about him when he is with another guy. I told him I wanted him and how much I liked him. I looked him in the eyes and told him to tell me that he had no feelings for me, and all he could do was shake his head no. I said I see different. I said when we held each other in our arms it felt so right and when I looked into your eyes I just knew it was right. He still said he thought about his ex. Which was like a punch to the stomach and I am thinking that this ex has a lot of control over him.

When we held each other and the way he looked at me just let me know that it was to be. Now his ex is going to come and visit him in the later months and he is hoping that they have the desire for each other that they do over the net. All I can think about is that they will, and they will make love to each other and what him and me did will not matter. I wanted him to desire me and make love to me.

I sometimes feel like he is playing games with me. Telling me to come and visit him and do things when I am there. I almost felt like it was a sex call. He would not do anal. I wanted to, but he refused. I thought I want to do that with the person I love and desire and I would let my partner have full access to my body. I want to share my body with the man I love.

I am just so confused. I thought all we did was oral, so am I still a virgin? I still want him, and I desire him. I told him on my way home I could still smell his scent on my hand and it was like heaven driving home. It was like a mad lust had come over me. I could have had sex every day with him if he let me.

I also thought well did he use me because his curiosity was just so high he wanted to see what it was like to be with a man. I had the same curiosity but I wanted it to be with someone I loved.

He told me to stay away because he would break my heart. I told him I was just wanting to be friends. I did come off strong in telling him how I felt about him and that he should not deny it either. In the very beginning he told me that if he ever found a boyfriend close to him then that would be ok because that would mean him and his ex would not have to travel so far to be together. Now it’s a different story. I honestly feel from being with him that he has feelings for me but he is trying to stay true to his ex and I told him that things change. That he needs to be true to himself. When he looks me in the eyes when we are holding each other it is a look that is deeper than friends, it’s a look of passion and love. Of course he tells me I am crazy.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know to move on or not. I’m afraid that when I move on I will still want him, and I will always wonder what it would be like to be with someone like him. Will I ever find that desire and passion with anyone else. I just don’t know.

 

[oralsex]

I saw Sex and the City today and I liked the movie. I thought it was funny and good. The sex scenes were not that bad either. It actually made me think of myself and what I just went through with my friend. I thought he should not have denied me anal sex. He acted like it was something wrong. I want it. I want sex and I want it all the time. I want to explore every inch of my partners body with my mouth and I want to have that desire and passion between us. I thought if I was a character who would I be and I thought Samantha.

So today I made the realization that I want sex with someone I love and I want to have it all the time. I want to say to him, hey baby you ready and he will get that grin on his face and get excited and we will have hot passionate sex. I want to have that for the rest of my life. I want that type of bond. Hopefully its out there.

 

[oralsex]

I gotta say, I am about to loose it. Sometimes I feel like I am the only guy that wants to have intimacy over sex. I think that intimacy would lead to great sex. I want to make out, be touched and cuddle before having sexual relations. I say all this after a horrible first date with a guy. I met this guy online. We decided to eat at a pizza place and then see a movie. He was a cute guy. I liked him he liked me. Almost the whole time while we were eating he was texting all his friends, and if he was not on his phone he was watching the tv that was on ESPN. I gave him my undivided attention and I thought it was only respectful of him to do the same. I let that go and we had some casual chitchat. The movie did not start for a couple of hours. He wanted to drive around and I wanted to go to the next city over and go to their mall. He did not want to drive that far, so he drove around for an hour, if that makes any sense. I asked him what he thought about me. He did not have an answer. He started feeling me up. I felt him up. He finally drove to this dark road and stopped and told me to lay the seat back. I just looked at him and he did it for me. He laid back himself and pulled his dick out. We continued feeling and he begged me to suck his dick. I told him I did not want to do this on the first date. He said well were gay and gay guys move fast. I told him no. He was jerking me and was begging to suck my dick and I told him no. I will be honest and say that I was a little scared in that moment because I did not really know him. He kept telling me, you know you wanna. I just kept telling him I did not want to do this on our first date. Well some cars started coming and he eventually stopped and he drove off. He starts texting a lot. Then he gets a phone call and he said his friend wrecked his car in a ditch and was at the hospital. He said that he hated to ask me but he wanted to cut our date short. I said fine. He drove me back to my car and I told him that it looks like this is the oldest trick in the book. I said you texted someone and then all of a sudden you get a phone call with an emergency. He did not know why I would think he would do that and I told him it was because I really did not know him at all anyway. He said well we should have not done that on our first date. He said he would email me about what was going on. Well I have yet to receive an email, and I have called him 2 times and left messages.

The issue is that I want a relationship before I have sex with someone. I want to make love to my guy. I want to be in love. The whole time we were in the car feeling each other up, he never kissed me. It was like he was horny and just wanted a blowjob, it did not even matter who it came from. It was like he was using me. I am glad that I did not go through with it. What if the outcome was the same. I would have blown him and he still would have had this so called emergency and then ignore me. I would feel bad if that happened.

Are there any guys out there who care about how their mate feels? I want a boyfriend that wants me to be happy, one who cares if I am doing ok, hugs me, and loves me and then the rest will come. Are there any guys who can provide emotional support? I want something long term and it is about to drive me crazy because it seems like I am the only one. It looks like all gay men want is sex sex and more sex. Sure I love sex, I’m a man, but I want to make love to my partner, I want to know that my partner will be there with his arms wrapped around me in the morning. One who will give me a hug when I have had a bad day. Is this too much to ask for?

 

[oralsex]

I met an older guy who was 38 and I’m 23. Since my recent bad luck with dating men younger than me, I thought I would give him a chance. After all age was just a number, he told me. We talked before we met and he said that he wanted to be friends and then date. Well we went on our fist date and it went well. We talked on the phone afterwards and texted each other a lot. It seemed to be a promising beginning. We were going to meet again on Saturday. Well Saturday comes around and he does not call nor does he answer his phone. I knew there might be a slight chance he would be doing something else which he had already told me, but he was planning on doing something with me and I was to call him and we would figure it out. I left plenty of messages and he finally calls me back. He did not think anything of it, he went and did something with a family member. He said we would do something on Sunday or Monday. The next day, I get a text message in the morning that he does not want to lead me on and that he just wants to be friends because his ex is moving back up here. It was like a slap in the face. I called him and he said it was too late to do anything and he was busy with family we could shoot for another day. He said that this guy was moving back up here and it was the only man he has ever loved. They had talked Saturday on the phone and he feels like there may be a chance again so he just wants to be friends. I told him I was disappointed in him and he said well I’m not like gay guys who says they love each other after the first date. I was not looking for a I love you in the first date. I thought that we were both going in the same direction. I think that even if we were dating he would still drop me like a hot potato just to be with this guy. How does he know this guy has not changed, its not like you can just pick up where you left off. I am not going to be around for him if they meet and they don’t get along anymore. He told me he still wants to be friends and we may develop an attraction for each other. I will be his friend but I am not going to wait around just for him, like a dog at the back door waiting for scraps. I would have told the guy that I may be seeing someone. I mean that’s the new guys bad luck, why does he get to pick up where he left off. Don’t I deserve a chance? If it does not work out then my friend has burned two bridges because I am not going to be here for him (relationship wise).

I was open to the possibility of it being something great with an older guy. I did not think an older person would play those kinds of games with someone, that they might be mature. We clicked mentally. It was like to mature guys talking and getting along. We both had the same sexual interest; though we did not have sex we just liked talking about it. So here I am still looking for someone great that will be the love of my life. I believe it will happen I just am impatient sometimes.