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Ouch.

T

TinyToeOut

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I called up an older man that I was seeing about 1 hour ago and he told me that he didn't want to go any further with me and wants me to stop seeing or calling him completely. It happened that a week ago I saw a newspaper article and I got recalled that he didn't drive very safely, so I called him up and brought up my concerns (from my point of view, out of care and concern for his safety), he didn't sound very eager to hear it then but I thought everything was cool when we hang up. But in the call today, he told me that he was pissed with me about that incident and thought that the call was immature and who was I to tell give him a lecture (never meant for it to sound this way).

It has almost been an hour since I called him, and I ought to burst into tears and cry right now. But right now, it felt sort of numb. Maybe the reality hasn't sunk in totally yet, but I am my tears are brimming as I type this. I don't know how to feel now, I don't feel anger, resentment or anything like that, just sadness, hurt. I always felt rejected by people somehow and 3 months into meeting someone for friendship (and potential relationship), this happened. All I wanted to do was to be a caring good boy to someone.

The worst thing is that I bought him a DVD that I thought that he may like and was prepared to present it to him as a token of appreciation for the time he spent with me. I can bear to even look at that DVD right now.

To all the folks who took time to read this, I thank you. I guess this is a cathartic release for me. I think I am going to soak my pillows tonight.:cry:
 
Never mind. If he cannot understand that you are concerned for him then it means that he is not concerned for you.
 
Tell him you are sorry you did not mean to upset him - drop him a note if you don't want to talk, and enclose the CD. If he rejects you again, you know where you stand. If you care for him, it's worth losing your dignity to give it just one more chance - but only one. Best of luck
 
I would suggest that you profit from the experience by having a greater understanding of expectations from a relationship. Your concern may have only sounded like criticism, particularly over the phone. Concerns like these should only be discussed face to face. Forget the text messaging and the phone.

In his place, my first reaction would likely have been 'first the driving, what gets criticized next?', followed by, 'I'm too old for this crap.' On the other hand if he has been wont to give you suggestions for how you could improve, then he should be willing to accept what he dishes out.

Obviously your relationship was not of sufficient depth to permit your concern to be expressed.

Better luck next time.
 
it might have to be that this is a learning experience. phone conversations usually cannot convey what is in the eyes, and the ability to touch is not there. you could try the advice above about trying to explain and offering the present. you are not worse than you already are, but no guarantees
ding
 
I suspect it wasn't just the phone call. He must have already decided he didn't want to see you any more and the phone call was just an excuse. But I still think he could have behaved better. You're better off without him if that's the way he behaves to his friends.
 
I'm am probably going to mail him the DVD (Singing in the Rain, I know he likes those kind of movies) along with a note, which may be the last things that I am ever going to say to him. I am going to do it without expecting any change of heart on his sides.

This is ridiculous, I cried for a good hour last night, woke up with puffy eyes, felt like crap during my morning jog, ate breakfast, cried and cried somemore. As I type this this, I know I am about to go into another bout of crying. Sitting here feeling like the biggest pile of crap. It was generally a great 3 months, for once I felt wanted by another man. But I guess it landed in the rock bottom now.

EDIT: To those who felt like I have criticized him, maybe he felt that way, I never meant it to be like that, this was the first time I have ever said anything remotely critical. The most hurtful part is when you know you love someone but he did not communicate about his negative feelings towards me beforehand at all, he didn't even want to hear it from my point of view. Now I wonder did he ever love me at all (even as a friend) because people who love each other wants to forgive and work problems out to maintain relationship.
 
Return the DVD and get something you would like to watch.
 
Dude if anyone was being immature it was him... your better off without him... move on return the DVD and get something for yourself...nothing beats retail therapy... go out with your friends ...have a good time,.... and forget about him ...I'm sure hes already done the same....
 
Fuck him, dude. He's probably really sensitive about being 'old'. I'd either send him the DVD with a note telling him that you did because you cared about him and you knew he didn't drive perfectly and you wanted to remind him out of love. Continue with that if this is how he's going to react, you can find someone better and for what it's worth, he can have the DVD you picked out for him.

Or, just send him the note, return the movie, and get something you like, as Fallen said. You deserve better than to be treated like that.

Let the hurt out, and find someone better, sweetie :) *hug

I know it hurts, but let it out and move on to the next.
 
If it happened exactly the way you described, put him in your past, let him go because he isn't wrapped too tight.

That kind of criticism, delivered the way you say you did, between people who care about each other shouldn't cause a big problem.

On the other hand, if you're leaving something out here, or making it seem less confrontational than it really was, and it was your fault, maybe you should rethink the way you approach people in a relationship with you -- and write to him as someone else in this thread suggested.

The thing to remember is relationships only continue because we put effort into getting over the rough spots. BUT not everyone we care about is worth having in our lives. Some people we have feelings for have manipulated us into those feelings and they're actually a negative thing for us. So look honestly at your own behavior and his, and from that decide whether or not to fight for your relationship.
 
you may not believe me, but i know exactly how you feel.

Good luck
 
travers said:
you may not believe me, but i know exactly how you feel.

Good luck
Click to expand...

I think you need a hug.(*8*)

Anyway guys, thanks for the comments. Although it was painful, but I want all this to end in a good note and its time to forgive the hurt and let go.
 
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