Out of my boyfriends league?

[MarioTwin]

So there is this thing that has been bugging me for a while now. Not to long ago a friend wanted to go clubbing for their birthday. So (having little experience as a club goer myself) I helped her arrange plans and a small group of people and what not. The club had to be 18 and up so that left us with the gay club (as it is 18 and up and there were no other choices).

So, everything is going along okay and what not but I notice that my boyfriend is getting a lot of looks/getting hit on/getting asked to dance. We have been together for a very long time now and we are happy and what not. I couldn't help but notice that NO ONE had even given me a glance...

We all know those couples who contain the really good looking one, and then the other one... I was wondering if anyone else ever been in a situation like that, or been with someone with similair circumstances. I want to know how you dealt/the other person dealt with it.

I am not trying to be superficial here, really I'm not. Just something that has been pulling at the back of my mind now for a while. Thanks for the responses!

 

[rareboy]

It is all about attitude hun.

Maybe your bf just looks like he's having more fun and therefore is more attractive to others.

Maybe he just looks more 'available'.

Don't sweat it.

As long as he's the one that you go home with at the end of the night, everything is okay.

 

[sillyboy26]

Well, the guy that has just told me it is over today was definitely out of my league.

It's over now and I'm hurting like shit but if I sit back and think, maybe I didn't think I deserved him in the first place. He was way too cute and I was just a troll. I'm glad we went out a couple of times but I guess maybe he really does deserves better, someone cuter than me. I don't know.....but it sounds like you have a great guy there. He might be wanted, but you're a lucky guy! Take care.

 

[saymyname]

MarioTwin, you should read the thread about unequal attractiveness in relationships. I think it would give you some good guidance. These aren't things to sweat, but I know how you feel. Depending on the kind of party we go to, either my boyfriend or myself will get hit on like mad. Maybe the club you went to is just very mainstream and your boyfriend has an accessible attraction to most people. Like someone else said, some guys seem more approachable than others. I know many people who are extremely attractive and for this reason they're sort of hard to talk to at clubs or parties. Some guys are handsome but have more of a guard up, look more edgy. Don't take it out on yourself. And please don't write "what not" 3 times in the same post.

Sillyboy 26, this thread is not about you.

 

[KaraBulut]

What bugs me about this thread is that you feel unattractive and you assumed that people weren't approaching you because you weren't as attractive as your partner.

That's not my experience at all. Attractive guys get stared at a lot but it's surprising how few people will come up to them and ask them to dance. People are afraid of rejection and are intimidated by guys that they think are "out of their league".

On the other hand, guys that smile and seem friendly or appear to fit into the age group of the rest of the people are more likely to get approached by other guys in the club. And if a guy dances with someone when he's asked, other guys are more likely to ask.

So, don't make assumptions that everyone thought you weren't attractive. It's more likely that they found your boyfriend more approachable for whatever reason.

 

[slnattak]

I'm gonna be blunt. They're noticing him more cause he's more self-confident. Nobody is really paying attention to you, because you're the insecure one. You are even insecure about being out of your boyfriend's league.

Insecure people usually look like they want to be left alone, so people leave them alone. Confident people usually look like they want to embrace others, so people flock to them.

Not always. I mean you could just be more of a natural loner. But it sounds like you want to connect, you just maybe don't know how exactly- so it signifies insecurity instead of the genuine 'strong, silent' type.

Also the pressure to be social and pleasant is a bit much for a lot of people. Maybe you are just introverted and don't want to be bothered? Look at the big picture, is this an issue you really should be envious of? That's probably why you like to be around each other, you calm him down- he brings you out of your shell, that's usually how it works.

 

[WillyWanker]

I used to date a gorgeous guy and, in fact, he was my 1st boyfriend ever. We've never gone to clubs since we didn't like it (and personally I prefer not going to clubs if you'r in a steady relationship) but he had got hit on always. I remember telling myself that it's not that bad and the fact that my bf is so handsome and he chose me as his bf is even better.

My best advice to you would be is remember always that you are beautiful as you are, and some people wouldn't see it on first glance. The next time you go out clubbing with your bf don't focus yourself on the looks he gets, but focus on having fun\a good time.
You see, the energy you send is the energy you will eventually get from everyone else and if you focus on having a good time as your bf does the looks are eventually to occur

 

[slickery]

My little word of warning is to not let it affect you. You can't look at the two of you and try ans decide who is more attractive. Otherwise it will drive you insane, and there will be a little competition that forms. It's not fun, I've been there and it doesn't turn out well.

 

[G-Lexington]

When we go out, Pubert gets all the attention. In fact, when people speak about us, it's always "Pubert'n'Lex", never "Lex'n'Pubert". This isn't because he's more attractive than me (I don't think). It's because he's more personable than me. He loves going up to people - even those he doesn't know at all - and starting a conversation. I have trouble doing that even with people I DO know.

Lex

 

[MarioTwin]

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I can see what you guys are saying on how some people are more approachable. I know I am not someone who opens up to others easily... I dunno I guess I have trust issues due to things way back when but who really knows.

Anyways, thanks again, this made me feel a bit better.

 

[spencer]

just think to yourself, that's right fellas, I scored the hot guy and you didn't. you lose. put a smug grin on your face and relish in the fact of what you accomplished.

if you don't embrace this or start noticing that your boyfriend should be with someone more attractive, then your boyfriend might actually start noticing it too. And that would be your fault for calling attention to it in the first place.

 

[Eagle653]

This exact same thing happened to my partner and me when we first started going out--especially at the very beginning when people didn't realize yet that we were a couple (and even for a while afterward when they realized, but didn't care). He was the one who got the attention and some were so bold as to almost shove me out of the way. LOL Those who know me know (or come to find out) that I don't take shoving lightly.

Anyway, I actually thought it was kind of entertaining because I knew these clowns didn't have a chance, but they were giving it their all. When he'd introduce me as his partner, they'd vocalize all the right pleasantries but their nonverbals gave away their disappointment. Funny how fast people can extricate themselves from a conversation and take off.

I think part of it WAS looks, initially. And, part of it was he was more well known than I was so there was the "aren't you a friend of so and so" stuff people would say to him as a conversation-opener.

It still happens sometimes, but not often. When we're out, we're so obviously "together" than you'd have to be dense not to pick up on it. And, we tend to hang with similar groups who know us well so there's little confusion.

But, yeah, it bugged me at the very beginning until I was more secure in the relationship; then, I found it funny, quite frankly.