Out of touch with females?

[Rolyo85]

Why else does someone make a profile on a SOCIAL site? I also never said I wanted to discourage gay men, that's all in your head.

Is it though?

I don't have it listed on my profile that I'm gay, so that straight men don't get scared off or that gay men don't flock to me (which rarely happens anyways).

 

[palbert]

Your lack of basic social skills are the main problem here. [ ]?

I don't have it listed on my profile that I'm gay, so that straight men don't get scared off or that gay men don't flock to me (which rarely happens anyways). I don't feel like having everyone know my sexuality, unless they ask. Flirting for me is awkward anymore, even with gay guys, so a girl flirting with me would be strange since I've never done that before and have no interest in doing so.

I have to ask: Just females?

 

[deadbeatdirtbag]

I used to have a lot of female friends, until I moved away from my hometown of 22 years, then the socialization with them became almost obsolete. I have been without talking to a girl for so long, let alone being friends with one, that I'm not even sure how to talk to one anymore. I talk to straight or gay men all the time. On rare occasions, I will have a small chat with a female about whatever it is we see going on online, but not enough to really befriend them and get to know each other more. Some I try to add ask me "what's up" and try to talk, and when I reply, sometimes they're like "I see" or only say one or two words, so that kind of kills it. Some of the girls I see or speak to briefly are kind of rude and mouthy too, so that's another thing that kills it.

The other issue I have is when they try to add or talk to me, I get a bit suspicious of why they add me. Now, I don't have a problem with girls wanting to add and talk to me, but I sometimes wonder, are they looking for a boyfriend in me? Are they wanting to flirt? Are they just wanting a friend to talk to only? It makes me a bit nervous now to see a friend request from a girl because I'm not sure what to talk to them about and if they wanted to flirt or try to ask me out, that I'd have to go through the trouble of telling them I'm not interested because I'm gay, and ending up with that backlash.

Am I out of touch? Am I overthinking things? Am I wrong to be a bit cautious about adding females because of my sexuality or other worries about them wanting something more personal? I would love to have some cool girl friends, I'm just not sure who's good/a good influence and who's not, and if I'm the kind to even have a bunch of female friends because I'm not your typical and ridiculously cute gay guy who has a clique of lady friends. Help me!

They want to make babies with you.

 

[TX-Beau]

Why else does someone make a profile on a SOCIAL site? I also never said I wanted to discourage gay men, that's all in your head.

That would be nice, but most people can't keep friendships let alone hold conversations these days, but who knows, maybe.

Yes you did say you wanted to discourage gay men. If the point of being on a "social" site is to make friends, I would think that not telling people who you are defeats the point. "Most people" can keep friendships and hold conversations. Perhaps you might try telling people who you actually are on your profile, most people can also spot evasions and obfuscations and don't react well to that.

Plus you'll find people who are interested in the things you are, and that always makes for friendships and conversations.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Why do you have to list your sexuality? What kind of social site is this? Maybe that will help.

 

[TX-Beau]

Its facebook I think, you list being gay because that weeds out the haters and encourages people with whom you don't have to be in the closet.

 

[TX-Beau]

Double post

 

[IceColdLover]

It's a site called MeetMe (formerly MyYearbook). It's optional to list your sexuality there. Like I said, I don't feel the need to even have the whole world know that I'm gay, my sexuality isn't all I am.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

It's a site called MeetMe (formerly MyYearbook). It's optional to list your sexuality there. Like I said, I don't feel the need to even have the whole world know that I'm gay, my sexuality isn't all I am.

I would just make it clear in your profile that you're just looking to make friends. That might weed out those women who are looking for anything more. Sorry if you mentioned that already.

 

[IceColdLover]

I would just make it clear in your profile that you're just looking to make friends. That might weed out those women who are looking for anything more. Sorry if you mentioned that already.

I have. Some people still don't get it though, like the gay guys who message straight men on there for sex when the guys are clearly not interested and list on their profiles that they want girls only.

 

[mightbe]

Maybe you could give it a trial run of a couple weeks and then see how it goes. I honestly don't think anyone will run screaming, and if they do, fuck them. You don't want them in your life anyway.

You should also make it clear (Is there a self-penned "about" section?) that you're only looking for friends (but only if that's true; if you don't mind the casual hookup, don't say anything at all). I imagine most people are using it for strictly platonic reasons. You don't have to set yourself apart from that.

Or maybe you could use a clever euphemism; it could be a great conversation starter.

...This is somewhat more personal, but what's the problem with gay men messaging you? I'd be elated if more gays just happened to seek me out. Haha

....Also more personal: Are you uncomfortable with being out to anyone you may meet? If so, why is that? Sexual orientation is a huge part of a person. It's not like a little "secret box" that you keep under the bed. It's you. It's all of you. It's a part of everything that you are; inextricably linked to perception and personality.

 

[altlover85]

I talk to guys about music, sports (rarely), men, family, friends, etc. I know that guys have their interests and girls have theirs, and guys talk about guy things and girls talk about girl things. It's kind of all about relating and I wouldn't want to get caught in the middle of something I have no clue about.

Why couldn't you talk to girls about music, family or friends? Just because you're talking to a girl doesn't mean you have to talk about fashion or whatever other subjects that you aren't knowledgeable about/have little to no interest in.

 

[JimLahey]

You remind me of myself to some degree. No offense but you seem far more neurotic than I am, to the point where you seem like a cross between me and my Aspergers friend. Do to my tendency to over analyze well pretty much everything I think I have a pretty good understanding of "normal people." I may not be the best in social situations I always understand what's going on and have a very good idea of where I go wrong. It's my lack of ability to just go with the flow, to which I'm actively trying to improve. So based on other posts I've read from you on here I have a pretty basic understanding of your "on line self" which would likely vary IRL. Now you seem to dismiss advice from people that doesn't match what you want to hear, so I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear. Everything you want to hear is between your head, and you're never going to hear it. You're going to have to at least interpret the advice of others in order to move on.

Now this social site, I'm going to have to assume that you are using this site as a basis to make friendships, with either people in your area, or perhaps around the globe. You say sexual orientation listing is optional, and you chose not to specify, that's cool be as comfortable as you want. I'm going to tell you this though the online world is not a place to make great friends of substantive quality. I recall a post about people here making assumptions and not really knowing who you are etc... that's the very nature of online forums, not to say you can't meet some awesome people online, rarely does it turn into a real friendship that I believe you are looking for. If you are as inept at socializing IRL chances are you'll have just as hard a time online, if not more. Please re read that last sentence it's key. I could link to studies if you'd like but the social inept have an even harder time socializing online. I tend to avoid online myself knowing that the kind of person I am isn't meant for online interaction (though I believe that on a global scale but that a whole other story, and when it comes to a marginalized group of people does happen to be a nice thing to have, hence this site... I digress)

So I know you don't want to hear this either but go out, meet people IRL. That's going to be the most sucessful way to improve social skills. When I first met my friend he could barely look a person in the eye, and turns out all things considered I was his only friend, but after a few years of introducing him to people, taking him places, talking to him, he's now grown to have all sorts of friends with similar interests (his being video games and anime), and I'm very glad considering I'm now several towns away at university. i know part of that seems to be effort on my part helping him, the point is he made the effort to go out and meet someone and that someone was me, and through that began to learn new skills and meet other new people.

Sorry if this is grammatically incorrect, this is my study break before class in an hour... thanks redbull