Out to friends and can't come out to my parents

[GayTBD86]

I am a 25 year old man who is out as gay to all his friends but the only problem is that I am to scared t come out as gay to my family as I am afraid they may no accept me for what I am, however part of me feels like they may already know but I can't be 100% sure. I am confident to say that I am gay but I am so scared that someone may let slip to my family before I get a chance to tell them. have I gone the wrong way about this

 

[anchihiro]

Do you live with your family?

If so time to move out. I think its common for peope to fear their families reaction, because unlike friends they're not irreplaceable. But that works both ways, would they really cast you away if they found out?
What makes you think this?

 

[jensu846]

i am in the same boat as you. all my friends know but I have never spoken to my family about it. I am an only child so I dont want to hurt them. I would have to suspect that they know, since I am not married & never really had a girlfriend, but its just easier to go with the status quo & not rock the boat. I dont think you are going about this the wrong way, you are doing what feels safest. good luck. I know what you mean about having it slip from friends to your parents. I have that same concern at times too.

 

[Seasoned]

There's no right or wrong way to come out. I know some gay men who have never come out to their parents but have to their siblings.

It seems the trade off for you right now is anxiety vs. fear of the unknown. So which is the greater fear, that your parents find out from someone else or that your parents find out at all? Both of these scenarios have them finding out and your anxiety over them finding out ends.

So, I'm guessing you issue has to do with their reaction once they find out. I don't know them, but, being a parent myself leads me to give all parents the benefit of doubt when it comes to accepting their children. I know it's not 100% but parents in general arise to the occasion.

I wish you peace of mind as you sort this out for yourself. Keep in mind that should it go poorly first reactions aren't necessarily lasting reactions.

Good luck.

 

[Bazzzingaa]

I was exactly like this, I was out to my friends for months before I had the guts to tell my family.

I didn't fear my parent's reaction as I have an uncle who is gay nor did I fear my sister's reaction. However I did fear my younger and older brothers reactions. Anyways I was petrified to tell them and finally found the guts to tell them. For me their reaction was a big part of telling them but it also felt extremely awkard about talking about it to anyone in my family.

The only advice I can give is "Truth is the best policy", atleast then you know where you stand with your family on your sexuality !!

 

[GayTBD86]

thanks for all your advice. I think I just need to find the right time to sit them down and tell them

 

[Rolyo85]

I live an ocean and the better part of a continent away from my parents, so I'd been out for 8 months before I got back home and told them (I'd told my sister on skype, but I wanted to come out to them in person). For me, it felt like I owed them the truth. They still support me financially to an extent (being an international student in the US tends to suck financially), and I know they love me a lot, and I knew that their anxiety about not knowing what's up with me was actually greater than their potential disappointment in me being gay would be.

I was right. My mom took it with a little awkwardness, but mostly in stride. My dad doesn't talk about it, and I know it eats him a little, but other than this feeling of something he's not really ready to talk about, our relationship hasn't changed.

In the end, if you know that they won't a) kick you out (if you live with them) or b) stop talking to you forever, or c) cut you off financially (if they support you), there is no reason not to tell them. And once you do, and it's over, you'll feel absolutely invincible