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out to grandparents?

J

Jordan475

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I'm 23, and I'm out to pretty much everyone in my life. My parents, all my friends, and some coworkers all know. I have no problem being gay anymore, and I'm very happy with my life. The only people I haven't come out to really are my grandparents. My boyfriend of a year is coming home with me over thanksgiving, and I'm not really sure what to do. They are elderly, but still in good shape, and I'm just not sure if it's worth it to tell them. They are from a very different generation than my parents, and I wonder how they would react. At the same time, though, I want to be completely open, and I'm not really sure what I'll tell them when they see my boyfriend. I guess my question is: Has anyone come out to their grandparents? How did they react? Is it better just to keep them out of the loop forever?
 
Although both my grandfathers passed away before I came out, there were family occasions my partner attended with me where my grandmothers were present. We said nothing. They're old but not stupid and figured it out. And... I'm happy to say they had the class to keep whatever opinions they might have had to themselves. I think older people generally just want to be around those they love and and tend to lose a lot of their prejudices
 
I'm not out to my family, but the first person I would tell in my family would be my Grandma, before my Mum, I wouldn't even bother telling my Dad.

My Grandma is the center of the family, does her best to hold everyone together, and although she is from a older generation, she is very open minded, live and let live is the core of her being.

Im not as close to my Grandfather, but I think he would be okay with it, if not he wouldn't say anything.

My Mothers parents are both gone, so thats not an issue.
 
I'm down to one grandparent - my mother's mother. I was told that Grandma MUST not know. I had to take my ring off, Pubert was my "roommate" when we got together, everything.

Then one day, out of the blue, she asked my sister, "How do you feel about having a homosexual brother?"

...Grandma ain't dumb. :)

Lex
 
If you are out to your parents and they are accepting, why not discuss the situation with your grandparents with them. Sometimes we dismiss the oldies because of the age gaps but often they are more "hip" than we give them credit for. I know one oldie in her late 80's who has her greatgrandson and his BF around for dinner once a week!
 
Every case is different, I guess. I depends on your grandparents and whether your relationship with them warrants it, whether they can handle it by respecting you (whether or not they "agree" with it), and how important it is to you that they know.

Personally, I think most grandparents want to know their grandchildren and feel like they are part of their lives. Thus, if you have someone special in your life, I think they'd appreciate knowing it. Perhaps a talk between them and with your mother or father beforehand can make the initial meeting at Thanksgiving less awkward/shocking.

There are some relatives who, by their demonstrated prejudices, have not earned the right to know all there is to know. Those are the ones you keep at arms' length. I don't get the sense that this is the case, in your case, so it might be a very loving thing to share your happiness with them.

Good luck!
 
No, my grandparents don't know. My grandmother is hardcore Catholic, old-school Chinese, so I don't think she'd ever understand...in all senses of the word. My grandfather is a bit more easy going, despite being old-school Chinese and Catholic. He used to be a translator and translated the works of Kinsey. But he's not all there sometimes, so I don't know how he'd react.
 
Without knowing anything about your grandparents, it's hard to answer. Many people tend to get more "live and let live" as they get older and less judgmental. Other people become far more judgmental. Which category do your grandparents fit in? If they are very judgmental, it may not be worth it if you only see them once or twice a year. Just bring your boyfriend and if they figure it out, so be it. If they are more live and let live, then definitely come out to them. Unless they have some ridiculous prejudice, they will love you just the same.
 
grandparents? I didn't came out to them but i know they knew about it.

When i was 6 years old, my grandparents always ask my parents to let me sleep in their house especially my grandma. I have a girl cousin whom i always play with. Frequently, we were brought by our grandma to their business establishment and spend the rest of the day there. So we usually end up bored.

One day, a saleslady was selling big dolls and my grandma bought one for my cousin. Since the saleslady still have 1 doll left, my grandma also bought one for me. :) that was so sweet. lol. :) btw i still have the doll now :)

The other incident was when we went at my grandparents place just for a visit. And again i ended up staying at their place for a week. Suddenly, my grandma planned to visit their beach resort and i don't have any casual shoes to wear. I was also 6 years old then. What she did was she gave me, my cousins shoes (those white flowergirls shoes) and let me wore them. I always burst to laugh when i remember this incident.

When we arrived home, my dad was there. I hid at the door but still he found me. lol. :) and my grandma was there for the rescue. hohoo :)
 
i'm in the same boat as you are...i'm out to everyone i know and have been for a bit...but my grandparents still don't know. they're old-school russian and i dont see how they could ever understand heh. I dont know what will happen when I'll want to bring someone home...
 
Brian_1 said:
Although both my grandfathers passed away before I came out, there were family occasions my partner attended with me where my grandmothers were present. We said nothing. They're old but not stupid and figured it out. And... I'm happy to say they had the class to keep whatever opinions they might have had to themselves. I think older people generally just want to be around those they love and and tend to lose a lot of their prejudices
Click to expand...


This is true for most. Reason is because when you get old, you put life into perspective.
 
my mum made me tell her parents. I wanted to bring my boyfriend home for christmas and she said i had to tell them before then because "if they're going to take it badly i don't want them taking it badly in the middle of christmas dinner!!"
I thought they'd be alright about it but i was still a bit nervous, you never know do you? Its not exactly something i'd ever heard them talk about. My nana was such a sweetheart. She always used to ask if i had a girlfriend so one day i just said "no, but i have a boyfriend." she asked if it was my bestfriend cos she knows him really well and we grew up as each others shadows, then she asked what he's like, if he's handsome lol. she said she was looking foward to meeting him and when she did she was really nice. i thanked her for being so nice about it and she basically said she had so many grandchildren now they were obviously all going to be different, and that she'd kind of guessed i might be. my grandad didn't say much at the time, but spent ages talking about cricket to my bf lol, so they got along fine.

i think it honestly depends on what your grandparents are like. however i think that even if mine had objected, they wouldn't have made a fuss. i'm sure they want you to be happy.
 
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