out to my mom... through a heated argument

[star-warrior]

Well, that's one way to come out, I guess



As for assurances, no one can give that guarantee. You've extracted a promise from her, and I hope she lives up to it. I wish you well, and a bit of luck too.

 

[RicanDAB]

I echo star-warrior in hoping she keeps her promise. She was probably smacked into reality about her son and is starting to realize how valuable you really are to her. Why else would she have stayed up waiting for you? Obviously she was in no combative mood then.

I actually admire the composure you embraced in responding to her embarrassment and then coming out to her. It was unplanned and you just threw it out there for her to deal with. I think you did just fine!

Give it time - I am sure things will sink in ... and I cannot imagine things getting worse after this.

 

[M4P]

Holy cow, that's quiet the coming out story

I probably would have done the same thing. You can only be put down so much. Kind of like the old saying parents used to use "you want something to cry about? I'll give you something to cry about"

I think you managed to break your mother and hopefully she'll start to think about what is really important.

Stay in touch here and let us know how things progress

 

[luminum]

Who knew long hair would lead to coming out...

...Oh wait. Haha.

Bu congrats, sort of. I'm glad she eventually came around

 

[slobone]

Sometimes it takes an emotional scene before the truth comes out. But you've told her, so that's great.

As you say, the denial phase usually comes next. Particularly if she thinks bisexual means you still might get married and give her grandchildren.

Well who knows, maybe you will. But from here on in you just need to live your life as you see fit, without trying to meet the expectations of your mother or anyone else. Treat her with respect and love, but don't shape your life just according to what would please her.

 

[skaterboi]

Haha that sounds just like me and my mother! Although I'm not out yet.

Glad to see shes dealing with it, hope everything goes well for you.

Just out of curiosity, what are peoples opinions on using your sexuality as a sort of weapon in an argument (not to disimiler than above)

(sorry bout the poor spelling its after 3am and ive got a splitting head ache!)

 

[Eagle653]

Wow wee. What a day you've had! By the time you see this, I hope things have calmed down. As I've always said, coming out is usually a conversation stopper, and it was in your case (and, it was a conversation that needed to stop, too).

Hey, take care. I hope things work out with her sooner rather than later. Keep in touch with us and let us know how it's going.

 

[Riverrick]

Seems you chose the right moment to come out. I think you worded it very well, considering you were being attacked. You certainly shifted the conversation from appearance to something more important.

I think your mother did well too. I'm kind of suprised that she was waiting for you and embraced you. Maybe you two needed to open up with each other like this.

Eclipse, is there anything you can do to compromise with your mother about your appearance when you go out with her? She is obviously having a rough time of it even though its hard for you to understand. What can you do to make her feel more comfortable about how you look?

I have a nephew who looks like shit when I pick him up to take him out. His clothes are filthy and his face has a week's worth of hair on it. He claims that no one should be judging him on his appearance but of course they do. And I really hate taking him anywhere like that. I've tried not to say anything but finally I did. I told him that I want him to wear clean clothes at a minimum. I can live with the ratty beard thing.

He listened to me and things have been much better. The plus for him is that he gets to go out more often to more places and have a good time with his uncle. So I do sorta understand your mom here. She may not be able to change her reaction completely.

Anyhow, good luck to you.

 

[pausanias_usa]

Just a thought: telling that was a way of hurting her (because she had hurt
you). Her reaction was probably self-centered: "Did _I_ cause this?"

But that things are back to normal indicates she probably decided "no, I
didn't -- he's a little shit."

Hope that is not how it plays out in the long run. I'd advise counseling of
some sort to deal with the verbal abuse; it's starting to get to you so that
you did it yourself. You can't control her, but you can control yourself to
break the cycle.

 

[kayman23]

Sometimes you have to what you have to do. The fact that you came out is a momumental accomplishment within itself. I wish the best of luck, Eclipse.

 

[Xpione]

You need to live your own live, not what your mom wish. Be what you want to be. Parent are normally like that whne kids cross their expectation. All you can do is hope she'll understand by explaining the facts to her.

 

[mexamor]

I think you did as best as one could do in your circumstance. Using your sexuality as a wepon in an argument is probably not the best thing to do, but then again not the worst, the worst being using the other person's sexuality. What she said to you was hateful and really nasty and I can imagine the hurt you felt. You know best how to deal with your family situation. In my case I let things cool for a while to hope for the return of rationality but I like to chose when to start the discussion again so that I can have some control of the disscussion rather than let the other person controling everything. My favorite rule in conflict is: the first one to get mad looses. good luck