We made love
Hey guys, there were some developments...
During these last Christmas holidays, Alex and I texted a lot. We heard each other every day. Take into account that he was the one who initiated the text messages sessions, out of nowhere. The last time we had met was the day where I confessed my feelings and I told him that I would probably delete him from my cellphone and from my life (which I didn’t).
When I noticed we heard each other every day, I started initiating the texts myself.
So, we texted a lot. He was in his hometown, I was in my hometown. He asked me to watch a movie together when we would be back here in the town where we both study. We agreed to meet the very day I would be back (January 11).
Unfortunately, that day he had a fever so we had to postpone. I felt really bad about it because we have a history of him dumping me. Anyway he texted me and he apologized and at the end of the night we even heard each other on the phone, for the first time.
The next day (the 12) he asked me if I still wanted to watch that movie with him and I said yes. I went over to his new place. It was comfy and he was apparently alone. We sat on his bed and watched Almodovar’s latest movie. We even shared a blanket. It was sweet and I was very excited.
Then, he kinda laid down and we started talking about the movie and stuff. I presented him with a picture I had drawn of him, which he really liked since he is so narcissistic. I was so nervous and unsure about what to do. I wanted to kiss him, but I remembered clearly that he told he was not looking for a relationship back in November (the last time we had met). He asked me to move closer, which I was happy to do. And then closer. He noticed I was nervous and told me to stay calm. Eventually he pulled me towards him and I finally kissed him.
We kissed, kissed, kissed. I was enthusiastic. Then we took off our clothes. I told him I was a virgin, and he was very sweet. He’s a top and I agreed to bottom. He has a huge cock and he managed to put him gently into my ass. We kissed, I hugged him. He came twice.
Me? I never came. Actually my penis wasn’t even hard. I mean, it was semi-soft most of the time. When it was hard it wasn’t even completely hard. I do not know why. It’s hard when I watch porn, and I can reach an orgasm if I jerk off. He tried to jerk me off but the top of my penis really hurt me so he had to stop. This thing is really worrying me. Am I impotent?
Anyway we slept together (but I did not sleep at all). When he woke up, he caressed me, he hugged me, he held my hand. We intertwined our legs. I felt his cock was hard so I jerked him off again. I also sucked it, because I was curious to do it. I liked doing it, and I felt no gagging reaction at all. But I did not give him a blowjob, I just sucked it a bit. I wonder if it was tacky or degrading of me in his eyes.
We cuddled a little more, and then we dressed up. We left his apartment (he made a point of not letting his roommates see me) and we took the underground. He went to class and I went back home to have a shower. He told me ‘I don’t know if we can see each other again today… well, maybe tonight’. And I told him ‘Okay, I’ll text you’. (keep in mind, this was the morning of the 13).
So in the evening of the 13 I called him. He sounded a little off… I don’t know. Not like someone who’s talking to the man he slept with. I asked him if I could come over and he told me yes, but that he couldn’t stay up long, ‘cause he had class early the next day. I told him it was okay. A little before I took the bus he texted me and told me: ‘We have a problem… Andrew said he’s coming over…’ (Andrew is an old friend of his who has come to town for a few days). I realized that he did not want Andrew to meet me for some reason so I told him it was okay and that I was going back home. I texted me again and told me ‘Hey, let’s meet tomorrow, now I’m going to grab a bite with Andrew’. I texted him saying ‘Well I have a few errands to run tomorrow but maybe we can work something out
’.
So, here’s the 14th. I had lunch with my best girlfriend who was leaving for Manchester, and then in the evening I went out with her and a couple friend to say goodbye to her. It all ended very late at night, so Alex and I could not have possibly met. The thing is: he did not text me at all.
Then, January 15 comes. I go to the airport with my girlfriend and watch her while she leaves for Manchester. It was pretty hard, because I love her. When she left, I texted Alex saying I was feeling down and that I needed him. He brushed me off saying ‘Oh… I don’t know if I can today… in the afternoon I’ll go to Brandon’s and study with him, and then I don’t know about tonight…’. I told him ‘Don’t worry… the thing is that I miss you… and I think you know it…’. He did not reply.
He did not call me or text me in the night.
He hasn’t today either so far.
This thing is killing me. I don’t think it’s my place to text him again. But I’m dying to know. Did he use me for sex? Did he not like it? Was it just sex for him? Why isn’t he contacting me? Until the 12 we kept hearing each other every freaking day. Was it a strategy so that he could seduce me? I would ask all of these things to him… if only he were available.
I swear guys, I feel very depressed. It’s not a matter of losing your virginity… it’s a matter to make love, and cuddle and just love with all your heart someone who will stab your back after he gets his booty call. I feel very sick. Words cannot describe my feelings. I keep thinking about those moments. Why did he do this to me? Why is he being so cold? How can he turn from the sweetest guy on earth to the coldest bastard? Should I text him again? Or am I right to wait for him to text me?
Please, help me…
If you're going to tell lil whitey's, say your decoding encrypted messages in Arabic, but it's hush hush, top secret. 
How exciting! Keep your cool, just do you. 
