overcoming my shyness meeting new people

[G-Lexington]

Yes.

Pick a really short, really simple activity. Meet him for coffee at some neutral location. Work on chatting with him. Ask him questions, answer his questions. After about an hour, take your leave, and thank him for meeting up with you. Then you can decided if you want to meet him again.

Do keep thinking about the gay-straight alliance. Not just because these people are all gay (or at least all accepting), but because they've all been where you are. Gay, worried what others will think, all of that. They may be able to help you get over your insecurities a lot faster.

Lex

 

[Lube]

What Lex said.

And I'll add that a large group of gay and gay-friendly people is the perfect place for a gay man to meet new friends! You can just be a wallflower at first, until you get to know them and gain a little courage. Then you'll surely find people who have similar interests.

Just tell yourself you'll go only once. And see what happens. I bet it'll go a lot better than you thought. I doubt they put you on a pedestal and shine a spotlight on you and make you come out to the whole room.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Since you are going to do dinner, you need to think of quite a few things to talk about while at dinner. You should write down a list of questions that you can ask. And more importantly, be ready to talk yourself. Talk about a trip you went on as a kid, things you like to do. Don't put all of the onus on the other person to create the conversation. Ask follow up questions when you do talk about something, so you don't have to bounce through all your subjects. Also, people LOVE to talk about themselves, so if you just get the ball rolling, many times they will take it and run with it and you learn a little about them.

Dinner is pretty involved (not a coffee meeting as suggested). You should use this as a time to open yourself up. Do not use one word answers!

One way to think about this: pretend you will never see this person again so just be open and honest and talk to him. Act like you will never see him in the future and that he can hold nothing against you. (don't get crazy personal), but be genuine.

Tell the other person you are nervous and pull out your list if you need to, don't be embarrassed. Don't be afraid to let the other person know you are trying new things and need some notes to help.

Try to relax and enjoy getting to know someone.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I'm meeting that guy for dinner on Saturday night. He even said he will buy me dinner, but I said he didn't have to do it. I'm still unsure about the whole thing, probably because I had a bad experience meeting another guy from online. I have a hard time keeping conversations and it ends up awkward. Hopefully this time it will be different.

Then give him a heads up. Early on, say "I hope you'll forgive me if I sort of clam up once in a while. I sometimes get sort of tongue-tied when talking to people for the first time." This puts him on the alert, and your awkward silences won't be misconstrued.

Lex

 

[Lube]

^Excellent point.

Otherwise he'll log on here and ask, "I went to dinner with this guy, and he seemed quiet, almost evasive. Did I do something wrong?"

 

[G-Lexington]

Go have fun. That's the real point of this.

Lex

 

[mikeiscool]

That's cute . You sound a lot like me. So glad to hear you had a great first date. I hope everything goes well for you tonight.

 

[Dastarr]

That's cute . You sound a lot like me. So glad to hear you had a great first date. I hope everything goes well for you tonight.

I Agree. I'm also working on my social skills like you aekid89, and I totally get where your coming from with he worrying about having nothing to talk about. I hope I can find a guy like youve got one day, He sounds amazing.

Good luck and hope it works out for you.

 

[me12121]

Reading your posts made me all happy because I'm really shy and anxious around new people, but it gives me hope that I can meet a sweet guy like that one day.

 

[tallguy297]

Great going AE!!!!

And you absolutely did the right thing in saying no to the kiss if you didnt feel ready or comfortable. Too often we throw away our own beliefs when we get caught up in the moment and regret it later.

Now you've given yourself a chance to be truly honest and open with this guy, you've got nothing to hide or feel negative over, just keep being you, keep being honest and let the friendship grow and take you where it will.

Good luck mate, and I hope you feel well rewarded for stepping outside your comfort zone!

 

[G-Lexington]

You're doing all the right things. Not doing anything you feel you're not ready for, but (just as important) keeping him informed as to where you are and what you're feeling. Don't forget to tell him how much you're enjoying it.

Lex

 

[me12121]

That sounds awesome .

 

[StlKj]

You know, the more you like and accept yourself, those silent moments in the car won't feel awkward. They'll feel special. When you're in the moment, just let yourself be in the moment, rather than analyzing it.

Your big fear about everyone not accepting you or not liking you is because you're the one judging yourself and not liking yourself. When you like who and what you are, others will too. It's contagious.

Congrats on the progress you've made so far.

 

[martin6]

That's pretty awesome and way too cute! This thread made me happy.

 

[finnster]

Everything you said about yourself in your first post is definitely me, too. I'm glad things worked out for you.

 

[AlmondMilk]

You've had a lot of progress That's a good thing. It took me awhile to start warming up to the guy I'm currently dating and even now when we have silent trips, I always thought they were awkward...but sometimes iti's just nice to just soak it all in It's good to know you found a genuine guy

 

[rareboy]

-If you want to top, then tell him. The best of both worlds is to be versatile. Don't turn it into a competition.

-If your bf is a talker during sex, then 69 with him. that will keep his mouth full at least.

-Keep going to counselling.

-If you don't get off on a blow job, try other things instead.
Sometimes only a hand job or anal are intense enough for some guys.

- A good relationship is about mutual generosity.

 

[Lube]

^What he said.

It's early yet. Just keep experimenting until you find what each of you likes. Have fun!

As long as he's not hurting you (or hurting your feelings), just keep at it, since you enjoy being around him so much.

Even if it doesn't work out, you'll learn lots about what your needs are, sexually and emotionally. Again, have fun! Enjoy!

 

[crowboy]

Gee I just stumble upon this thread when I have to leave to go to work.

I am posting so as not to lose track of it. I will post later tonight.

I understand A LOT of what you are going through mate. Been going through it the last few months myself.

In the mean time just know that you are not alone and you have made some awesome progress in your life and you should feel very proud of that.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

I have been developing a theory about parents and being gay. I think that parents with kids under about 25-29 feel like their kids are an extension of their parenting skills and as the sum of their years of work, they feel like you being gay is their fault or somehow their responsibility. This dissipates over time as they get into other things, begin to release you as a function of their own self-esteem.

I told my parents after I totally broke any sort of dependence on them (early 30's). Further, I had been away from home and them for over 10 years. My parents weren't happy about it, but they did not take it personally. Plus they kinda had a clue.

Long story, short, give your parents time. It's been said on here many times that you have been dealing with this for a long time, this is all pretty new to them. Even as several years go on, one thing you might notice as you become more independent, they become more accepting.

Just a thought.