overcoming my shyness meeting new people

[G-Lexington]

A few random suggestions.

* Reassure your dad that he was a good father, and he had NOTHING to do with you being gay. He probably knows that, but it wouldn't hurt for him to hear it after the crap your sister is throwing around.

* Don't bother talking with your sister or mother until they start coming around.

* If the sex isn't all it could be, GIVE FEEDBACK. If you want him to suck you harder, faster, gentler, slower, with his hand on your balls, tits, ass or your iPod...for God's sake, SAY something. He's not going to figure it out on his own. It's best if you state things in terms of the positive ("Could you put your hands on my ass? That feels great") instead of the negative ("This really isn't doing it for me").

* If his vocalisms are a turn-off, again, you can say something. You might just start laughing a bit, come up for air, and say "I'm sorry - that talk actually makes me laugh a bit. Could you try sticking with moaning?" A lot of what happens in the bedroom comes about through compromise.

* "I just don't like bringing up conversations that can be awkward or hurt someones feelings." Let me be blunt here. He's had his dick in your ass. I'd say the time for awkwardness is over, yes no? Next time you head to the bedroom, just ask. "I'd love to top you tonight."

Lex

 

[crowboy]

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here. My older sister told my mom I was gay because it came up in a conversation, and now my whole family knows. My sisters don't care at all, but my parents are another story. My dad is trying to understand and accept, but he still tells me that I'm too young to know, even though I told him I know I'm gay. And he makes me feel guilty because he told me he wants me to carry the family name since I'm mom is most likely never going to accept it. When my sister told her she cried, and flipped out. She blamed my dad for not making me a man, and she said she was embarrassed and she didn't want anyone in the family to know. She tells me every day that I need God, and that I need to go to church. My sisters even told me she will never accept it, because that's how she was raised, and she will never change. I guess I just have to ignore what my mom says, and just not talk about it with my mom.

First off I think it sucks that your older sister ratted you out. It was not her place to tell your mother and it sucks that she did that to you.

Your dad will get over the name thing, he may always wish for it but if you say it ain't happening, it ain't happening.

As for your mum. I do not have religion in my life or my family. So I do not know from experience about this. It does sound however that it is a major issue and one that will not go away. You are correct, you must ignore what she says. You must ignore her as "SHE IS WRONG". Just because she is your mum does not make her right.

Also I've been a lot closer with my boyfriend. But I think he likes being in the relationship more than I do. Because he always tells me he loves me, and i do love him, but I feel weird saying it. Also I don't like it that much when I have sex with him. I love kissing and cuddling him, and spending time with him. But when he gives me a blowjob I don't feel much. And I don't like how he acts when I give him a blowjob, because he keeps on repeating yea like that, and he repeats it again and again, and it annoys me. But he did fuck me, and it kinda felt good. Maybe I'm just not used to having sex, because hes the first time i've had sex with someone. Also he said he likes to top, and he doesn't care for bottoming. But I definitely want to top. I think, I just don't like bringing up conversations that can be awkward or hurt someones feelings. Do you guys have any adcvice, because I do want to enjoy having sex, and I do still want to be with him.

I know what you mean about blowjobs. I have spoken to a few people about them and most have told me they are not that into it. For me so far it has not been the mind blowing experience I expected. I want to experience it more before I can make a total judgement on it. I suggest you do not give it up. Keep trying different things and maybe you'll find something you do enjoy. That's what I intend to do. As for him saying stuff, that is good, him telling you what he likes. If however it annoys you SAY SOMETHING. Be open and honest, tell him what you think and how you feel, it will benefit you.

Take care mate.

 

[Allstar]

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here. My older sister told my mom I was gay because it came up in a conversation, and now my whole family knows. My sisters don't care at all, but my parents are another story. My dad is trying to understand and accept, but he still tells me that I'm too young to know, even though I told him I know I'm gay. And he makes me feel guilty because he told me he wants me to carry the family name since I'm mom is most likely never going to accept it. When my sister told her she cried, and flipped out. She blamed my dad for not making me a man, and she said she was embarrassed and she didn't want anyone in the family to know. She tells me every day that I need God, and that I need to go to church. My sisters even told me she will never accept it, because that's how she was raised, and she will never change. I guess I just have to ignore what my mom says, and just not talk about it with my mom.

Also I've been a lot closer with my boyfriend. But I think he likes being in the relationship more than I do. Because he always tells me he loves me, and i do love him, but I feel weird saying it. Also I don't like it that much when I have sex with him. I love kissing and cuddling him, and spending time with him. But when he gives me a blowjob I don't feel much. And I don't like how he acts when I give him a blowjob, because he keeps on repeating yea like that, and he repeats it again and again, and it annoys me. But he did fuck me, and it kinda felt good. Maybe I'm just not used to having sex, because hes the first time i've had sex with someone. Also he said he likes to top, and he doesn't care for bottoming. But I definitely want to top. I think, I just don't like bringing up conversations that can be awkward or hurt someones feelings. Do you guys have any adcvice, because I do want to enjoy having sex, and I do still want to be with him.

OMG I think we are twins! I came out to my parents too and my mom is the exact same way. She called me yesterday begging me to go to church with her on Easter Sunday. I also have that "complex" when meeting people. Even if i'm with someone i like i feel the need to be alone.. i guess just to feel safe and not vunerable. Idk but i 100% relate to you

 

[Lube]

..........

 

[crowboy]

I have been seeing my counselor every week, which is definitely helping. I know I have to communicate with my boyfriend, because communication is key in a relationship. I just don't want anything to turn into arguments. I don't like conflict, but its better to deal with the problems, than run away and not deal with it.

I'm probably not enjoying sex as much, because I've never been anyone, and its kind of uncomfortable and awkward. I was also expecting the blow job to feel really good, and I was disappointed I didn't feel much. I also cant cum, when I'm with him, but I can always cum after masturbating alone. I guess I have to relax more. And he doesn't have the best body, but I guess that doesn't really matter. Maybe I'm just moving a little too fast, and I should take things slower. My counselor told me to tell my boyfriend, how he was when he first was with a guy physically. I'm gonna tell him that question, that way he can understand my perspective. I'm also going to tell him how I feel, because if I don't then he will have no clue how I'm really feeling.

My Dad is definitely accepting it, but even he said that my mom doesn't accept it. But maybe she will come to terms with it after a long time. And I'm not talking to her that much, because shes always negative to me, and I don't need anyone putting me down. But I'm talking to my sister, because I know she didn't mean anything bad to happen, she apologized to me after she told my mom. She told her when my mom was saying how gay people are wrong, and my sister told her that shes gonna have a rude awakening or saying that, and she ended up saying I was gay.

I also like to be alone. I like being with other people, but a lot of times I just like being alone and either watching tv or going on the computer. I guess I like to be alone because Im to used to it, but I am going out a lot more.

I am pleased to see that you are recognising things you can work on. We as people should work on things to improve in our lives if we are unhappy with the way things are. Communication with your boyfriend is very important. If he is a man for you, he will be understanding of how you feel and want to help you.

I can relate to you very much about the sex stuff. I have only just started having some form of sexual experiences. It has not been what I expected and I have had a little difficulty climaxing most times. I find I have to finish myself off. I do believe it is a mixture of nerves, inexperience and different sensations that my body is not yet used to. I am determined to get over issues I have with my body etc and I find I am becoming more comfortable with things and as such my enjoyment of sexual experiences is increasing.

I also can relate to you about being alone etc. For the first time ever I went to my first club a few weekes ago. I fell in love and guess where I'm going in a few days. I also am meeting a number of different people these days and go out a lot these days. It is all new to me but I love it. If you can drag yourself out of the house and do stuff do it. It is good to see you are going out more.

By the sounds of it mate you are being very sensible and making progress. Keep doing what you are doing and continue communicating with those around you.

Good onya mate and good luck with things.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I also cant cum, when I'm with him, but I can always cum after masturbating alone.

Most of us grew up jerking off. In fact, most of us grew up jerking off a LOT. And although there's nothing wrong with that, there's a side effect. It puts the brain into a mode of thinking of sex as a solitary activity. Whenever we hear somebody coming home, we immediately stop and zip up. Well, now you're all set to have sex...but there's this GUY there!

You might try having sex, then having him just hold you while you bring yourself off. This can be a good way to sort of "get into the spirit" of sex being more than a solo act.

Lex

 

[crowboy]

>>>I also cant cum, when I'm with him, but I can always cum after masturbating alone.

Most of us grew up jerking off. In fact, most of us grew up jerking off a LOT. And although there's nothing wrong with that, there's a side effect. It puts the brain into a mode of thinking of sex as a solitary activity. Whenever we hear somebody coming home, we immediately stop and zip up. Well, now you're all set to have sex...but there's this GUY there!

You might try having sex, then having him just hold you while you bring yourself off. This can be a good way to sort of "get into the spirit" of sex being more than a solo act.

Lex

As usual Lex speaks words of wisdom. That is exactly what I have thought of my situation. With more experience I hope the conditioning that I have had will wear down and I will become more comfotable to different and unusual sensations and stimulation. It sure is fun to try and get over it.

 

[Dastarr]

aekid89 and crowboy, I totally relate to you both. I'm just starting to get out more (while still in the closet) and I had my 'first time' more or less the other week.

Blowjob wasnt as mindblowing as I'd expected, Personally I think I enjoy kissing more but everyones different I suppose and prob just have to get used to it.

I also had to finish myself off while he held me cause I was taking a long time to cum.

Its been a really interesting thread and good to know you're not the only one who's struggling through this kind of stuff at the moment. Keep us updated!

 

[Garrison]

People are just people, somewhere or sometime we have all had similar if not the same insecurities. We(people) are also much less observant about those little things than you are so don't worry about the details so much.