Owning it.

[peeonme]

There are things that I have done in my past. Most if not all happened over 50 years ago. Some of these things haunt me even to this day, I know I was "just a kid", but none the less I still can't believe that I could have possibly been that cruel. I have reached out to these people and asked for forgiveness and they acted like it was no big deal.

Now, the real purpose of this post is that I can't wrap my brain around the fact that there are thieves, killers, sex offenders and others that show no remorse for what they have done. It is as though they felt entitled to satisfy their evil longings and those that they hurt really didn't matter to them.

How does one get to that point? Born that way?, mom was mean?, dad yelled at me? I guess that there are no clear answers, but I would like to know your thoughts.

 

[LeicsDom]

There are things that I have done in my past. Most if not all happened over 50 years ago. Some of these things haunt me even to this day, I know I was "just a kid", but none the less I still can't believe that I could have possibly been that cruel. I have reached out to these people and asked for forgiveness and they acted like it was no big deal.

I think quite often things that we think are traumatic/awful/maybe even evil are of little consequence to the 'victims'.
For instance, you inadvertently push in front of someone in the queue. It may play on your mind for days but if you went back apologised to that person they would probably not have registered it.

 

[EddMarkStarr]

I've twice made my apologies to people I wronged in the past only to discover that only I remember the events.
One of my victims asked me to "move on", not everything is worth remembering!

 

[Dargelos]

If you want to know how someone is brought up to become a sociopath, it is worth reading Mary Trump's book Too Much And Never Enough. She was there, she saw how bad parents allow a child to develop with no conscience, and therefore no idea what words like remorse, shame or guilt even mean.

 

[LeicsDom]

If you want to know how someone is brought up to become a sociopath, it is worth reading Mary Trump's book Too Much And Never Enough. She was there, she saw how bad parents allow a child to develop with no conscience, and therefore no idea what words like remorse, shame or guilt even mean.

I read a précis of the book some time ago. The main thing I took from it was that Trump's parents never said no to him and told him there was no such thing as losing. It explains an awful lot about him.
For all his positive business achievements you have to balance the negatives. Unfortunately, for some you need both to achieve goals. Without his sociopathic tendencies Trump would never have succeeded in business.

 

[Latimer]

^
and didn't care who he screwed in the process. You don't even have to be a sociopath. Take a look at most of the Plantagenets, Henry VII and VIII, James I and Charles I.

I just visited the Richard III center and the Bosworth Field museum in your hometown, so the Wars of the Roses are uppermost in my mind. What a sorry, blood-thirsty lot most of the protagonists were! Excellent museums, however.

 

[LeicsDom]

^
and didn't care who he screwed in the process. You don't even have to be a sociopath. Take a look at most of the Plantagenets, Henry VII and VIII, James I and Charles I.

I just visited the Richard III center and the Bosworth Field museum in your hometown, so the Wars of the Roses are uppermost in my mind. What a sorry, blood-thirsty lot most of the protagonists were! Excellent museums, however.

It's not just us Brits. Everyone was/is willing to climb over the next guy to get ahead

 

[NotHardUp1]

I don't think of sociopaths as having gone wrong somewhere, but never having gone right by socialization and cultural indoctrination. That's obviously a philosophical or religious perspective. Admittedly, I've been influenced in my own upbringing by a range of influences beyond my first-person observations of those around me: cinema, religion, study, and reading.

Plays such as The Bad Seed or novels like Lord of the Flies probed the question of innate evil or ruthlessness. At mid-century, there was probably a lot of exploration of the topic due to the evolving field of psychology in light of repeated horrific crimes in the news, especially thrill murders that were premeditated. The examples since then have only grown worse and more numerous.

Nature versus nurture continues to be big question. As a layman, I endorse both, but do not believe many sadistic and remorseless individual's are born with a mental defect so much as their primal instincts were never civilized or mitigated by civilization.

Children have to be taught shame. They don't come into this world knowing what naked is, being ashamed of defecating, thinking it is wrong to hit another child playing with their toys, etc. We forget the gradual indoctrination of socialization which begins at birth. Without it, we would more closely resemble non-communal animals that kill and eat without morality or imposed values.

 

[peeonme]

I don't think of sociopaths as having gone wrong somewhere, but never having gone right by socialization and cultural indoctrination. That's obviously a philosophical or religious perspective. Admittedly, I've been influenced in my own upbringing by a range of influences beyond my first-person observations of those around me: cinema, religion, study, and reading.

Plays such as The Bad Seed or novels like Lord of the Flies probed the question of innate evil or ruthlessness. At mid-century, there was probably a lot of exploration of the topic due to the evolving field of psychology in light of repeated horrific crimes in the news, especially thrill murders that were premeditated. The examples since then have only grown worse and more numerous.

Nature versus nurture continues to be big question. As a layman, I endorse both, but do not believe many sadistic and remorseless individual's are born with a mental defect so much as their primal instincts were never civilized or mitigated by civilization.

Children have to be taught shame. They don't come into this world knowing what naked is, being ashamed of defecating, thinking it is wrong to hit another child playing with their toys, etc. We forget the gradual indoctrination of socialization which begins at birth. Without it, we would more closely resemble non-communal animals that kill and eat without morality or imposed values.

First, you need to start putting more thought into your comments.... just kidding! I read this shortly after getting out of bed this morning (3 times at least!) and decided to come back when my brain had caught up with the rest of my body.

Heat melts wax and hardens steel (in most cases). We are born with a personality type, probably a genetic predisposition from mom, dad or maybe the grandparents. What happens in our formative years has a different impact on us depending upon how we are equipped. A timid child will react differently that an outgoing child to the same stimuli.

There is no "one size fits all" approach to raising children. With some you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Some children need a little corporal punishment (just to get their attention) and others can be damaged from a verbal reprimand. One of my all-time favorite songs is "the Gambler" by Kenny Rogers. You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.

I really don't get the idea of teaching children shame about their bodies or bodily functions. I went with teaching some modesty to my son. When he hit puberty I had the talk with him and explained that masturbation was normal and that he should never touch himself in an inappropriate way when others were around. My mother threatened to cut my dick off if I ever played with it, I have had to ask if that had and impact in an adverse fashion, since I have never made the evening news I suppose that I am "ok".

Even when parents are kind, gentle, caring and loving with their newborn they might get a Ted Bundy out of the deal. Therein lies the rub.