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Partner Can't Top

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allgoodch

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So I recently came out of the closet (last August) and I went straight into a relationship. There is no doubt that I am in love with this guy. He's amazing. Although I had always dated girls, I've met up with guys I've met online so he is not the first guy I have ever been with. The problem is that he can only bottom. It works out usually since I am mostly a top but I do have a strong desire to get nailed, dominated every now and then. We have talked about this, and he tries, but he just can't seem to keep it up.

Heres the thing, he says he has topped guys in the past, but several years ago when he was 19 (he is 22 now). He says he just can't do it anymore. I try not to get upset about it when it happens because I feel like that will just cause performance anxiety and make the matter worse but it is just starting to feel like I put forth all of the effort in bed while he just reaps the benefits.

Does anyone have any advice?
 
You have three options:

1. Stay in a monogamous relationship and don't scratch that itch. [-X

2. Open the relationship to include sex with others.

3. Kick his ass to the curb and find a stud who will scratch that itch.:sex:

Instead of getting advice from strangers, you should be talking to your partner. You also need to have an honest talk with yourself to decide if this is a deal- breaker for you, and if you really want to be in a relationship with him.

Sounds like you both are very young, so if I were you, I'd choose option #3.
 
It's one thing if he's tries every night to top you, but just can't seem to stay hard. But you say you feel like you're the only one "doing all the work". In short, it sounds like he's said something along the lines of "sorry - I can't do that anymore. Now shut up and fuck me."

In which case, I'd say a longer talk is in your future. Preferably one away from the bedroom.

Lex
 
SFMusic said:
You have three options:

1. Stay in a monogamous relationship and don't scratch that itch. [-X

2. Open the relationship to include sex with others.

3. Kick his ass to the curb and find a stud who will scratch that itch.:sex:

Instead of getting advice from strangers, you should be talking to your partner. You also need to have an honest talk with yourself to decide if this is a deal- breaker for you, and if you really want to be in a relationship with him.

Sounds like you both are very young, so if I were you, I'd choose option #3.
Click to expand...
Yes, but a lot of tops choose option #2. They're the ones whose profiles say they're in monogamous relationships and are 100% tops. :)

I guess it depends on how often you need to get dominated/nailed, and how big the supply of tops is in your area. Think carefully.
 
Given his age, it may be some type of chemical imbalance. He may have a low testosterone level. A doctor may prescribe viagra or cialis in the low dose levels that he may need to "keep it up."

You could also try a toy for your pleasure -- have him use it. But it sounds like there has to be some talk on where this relationship is going.

I have friends who are both tops and go out regularly to find a bottom to satisfy their desires. The "third" has become pretty much a regular need in the relationship. I guess all of this depends on what YOU are comfortable with and what pleasures you.

I, too, came out four years ago and immediately got into a relationship. From experience, it was probably the "safe" thing to do but was probably "wrong" overall. After six months I realized it and ended the relationship; he's still mad at me.
 
erm Dildo..duh! I'm serious. If he's a total top and won't top you then tell him to fuck you with a Dildo

Or you can turn into one of those straight couples and get him a strap on LOL :)
 
I think the two obvious answers (assuming you want to be exclusive to each other) either a Dildo no pressure and he can fuck your brains out or viagra and ditto.
 
Well I am not a top and don't usually get super turned on (and that means a bad case of floppycock for me) by the prospect of topping. So if a guy wants to get nailed I usually tell them to look elsewhere for that. ..|
 
Well, let's back up...

You said that he can't "keep it up". When you say "can't top", what do you think is the the issue, exactly?

  1. That he isn't interested in topping?
  2. That he can't get hard when he tops but he gets and stays hard when bottoming?
  3. That he gets hard but he loses his erection when he tries to penetrate you? Does this happen no matter what position you try?

There will be different advice dependent upon which issue you're having.
 
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